Take a chance on a female roommate

Wait. What? Hmmm . . . The possibilities were intriguing. I mean, I figured the chances of a girl wanting to room with a guy were probably pretty slim. On the other hand, time was on my side. I could advertise for a female roommate, and if no one went for it, I could just change the ad.

Would they assume I was gay? Would they think I was a creeper?

Honestly, at the time I was considering it, I was being a bit more of a perv than I usually allowed myself to be. Of course, I'd have to pretend to be all platonic in my intentions. But in my heart of hearts, I knew what I really hoped for. About 5' 6" of gamer girl. Big eyes, girl next door looks, decent figure. Like that TV show where the ridiculously cute girl moves in with the three single guys, but better.

And then, slowly but surely, we'd figure out all the things we had in common. Roommate to friend to LOVE! And, you know, since we'd already be living together . . . yada, yada, yahoo!

Okay, I wasn't really that naive. I was neither tall nor dark nor handsome, except in that way that any guy is handsome in his mother's opinion. I mean, I wasn't a carnival freak or anything. Decent height, no cavities, hairline wasn't receding. But when I looked in the mirror I had to admit that ten years of compulsive gaming and a strong aversion to strenuous exercise had done me no favors. I'd dated a little--a very little--but was still a virgin.

And I knew that the chance of the ad being answered by my manic pixie gamer dreamgirl was less than my chance of winning the lottery without buying a ticket. But a guy can dream, right?

So, yeah: the last line of the ad read, "Female applicants welcome." I read back over what I'd written, and posted my ad to the site.

Just for kicks, I checked out the other ads, and noticed that my rent price was fairly typical, but that most of the other places available didn't sound as nice as mine. Given that it was the middle of summer in a college town, I didn't figure to hear anything soon.

I looked around the apartment and considered the need to rearrange a few things now that Chip was gone. Maybe do the dishes? Nah. It'd be just me for a while, I was sure. No one to impress. The next day was Sunday, which meant my first shift of the week at my summer job; for now, though, a good chunk of the day stretched before me.

Turning my attention back to my laptop, I did what any red-blooded college guy with a little newfound privacy would do: I started surfing the Internet for porn.