Stuart Zurrin

THURSDAY 18:00

You are sitting at your desk in a consultation with a client, a second-year computing student by the name of Stuart Zurrin. Normally you’d never take a client this late but the spotty faced nerd in front of you had promised to pay you double. Sure, enough he’d shown you his Game Tracker (GT) wallet to prove he had the PRIZE TOKENS. It was only the first semester of the new academic year so he was still comparatively fresh-faced to Shoubu. Or he would be if his face didn’t look pale and gaunt from stress.

“So, this GAME means you have to do her degree in its entirely?” you ask.

“Yes” he says miserably “I thought it was just a bit of fun, and well…I didn’t really take the degree seriously…I mean Modern Feminist Theory come on?!”

You give him an unimpressed look. “Free advice kid, this isn’t the outside world. Anything the Faculty produces at Shoubu; take it seriously.”

He nods glumly and continues “Well anyway like I said it started with me trying my luck with this female student in her final year at some bar. We got chatting but then we got into an argument that the reading material for her subject was trivial and that I could do her degree and my own computing one without breaking a sweat. One thing led to another and we got into a GAME.”

“Yeah” you say looking at his GT GAME Profile on your own device “CONTEST: Stuart Zurrin and Nadine Luckmore to read Michelle Luchman’s ‘Woman As A Phoenix’ from start to finish including appendices,

CONTEST CLARIFICATION: This is the 1245-page 2nd edition. Published 2018.

First to complete the book wins the CONTEST”.

You scroll down further and continue.

“Let’s see, she was the challenger so the WIN OUTCOME was,” you glance at him over the top of the device as you read the OUTCOME. You have to admit you are enjoying watching the pimply nerd squirm a little.

“1. Stuart Zurrin: Receives a great blow job three times a week from Nadine Luckmore at the time and place of his choosing (chosen 24 hours in advance).

2. Nadine Luckmore will be into it.”

The guy blushed a bit at the second clause “I thought it might be nicer if she at least got something out of it…”.

You continue without commenting on that detail.

“LOSE: 1. Stuart Zurrin completes all of Nadine Luckmore’s coursework assignments, final dissertation to a 4.0GPA standard and organises Nadine Luckmore’s academic calendar and administration for the next year, until graduation”.

You give a snort of derision. “Well, she certainly has you by the balls. No exams though?”

“No” the second-year student confirmed “she has to sit the exams herself. And she still needs to attend the lectures and workshops. But she’s got so much free time to revise for them they’ll be easy. There’s only two this year. It’s almost all coursework and essay assignments. It’s horrible. I didn’t realise that most of the bullshit stuff was in the” …he catches himself remembering your comment about taking Shoubu University seriously. “Look, I don’t know what the first couple of years were like in her degree but in her final year there is so much actual economic wage theory and clinical psychology! I can’t cope. Not with my own degree as well. But I am **** to work on it. I can’t even do a bad job because the need to get a 4.0GPA!”

“And what’s this about organising her academic calendar and administration?”

“The course has reams of additional practical workshops and exams she can choose to do for extra credits, and I have to organise her appointments with tutors. I am up to my eyeballs in study from two degrees, I have just kept this stuff as much to a minimum as I am allowed by the OUTCOME.” His shoulders fall even further thinking about. He does not look well.

He looks up suddenly an indignant look on his face. “And she cheated as well! I asked if she had to read the damn book for her course and she said no. But when we started it turned out that she was already reading it just for her own background reading. She was on page 1092. She finished it that evening. The CONTEST was obviously to read all 1200 pages of the book from the start of the CONTEST!”

You know that arguing the wording of a lost CONTEST was spilt milk under the bridge. Still the kid was right about Nadine pulling a fast one. It was at the least an edge case. Close enough that the GT accepted the CONTEST but sketchy enough that Stuart might have been able to call her out and get a default WIN. Turnabout is fair play though. Which is where you come in.

“So, what is that you think I can do about your predicament?” You ask. As it happened you had already read the kid’s file and checked out Nadine Luckmore’s degree course and had a solution. But managing expectations is important as a PI in Shoubu University.

“Well, I heard you can fix OUTCOMES, make me the WINNER…at least get me off this fucking Feminist Theory degree.”

“Well, I can’t literally make you the WINNER or override this OUTCOME.” you say. He looks crestfallen. “But I can definitely help you get what you want.” He perks up.

“Really?!”

“Yeah. But it will cost you.”

“Sure anything!”

“Anything? This kid just doesn’t learn.” You think “Hopefully that means a repeat client.”

You agree a price in PRIZE TOKENS. It isn’t cheap. It more or less clears him out and then leaves him owing your some as well. You also work out a suitable payment plan that he’ll need to stick to if he doesn’t want to get a visit from the Faculty Auditors.

Once that is settled and the PRIZE TOKENS transferred to your wallet you tell him what he needs to do.

“Ok. So, I read your file before you came in. The OUTCOME is to complete all of Nadine Luckmore’s coursework assignments and final dissertation, right? Well, you’ve already done half the work on the dissertation so let’s call that a sunk cost which you will need to finish. As for the rest, the OUTCOME doesn’t matter if she doesn’t have any coursework assignments to complete. I can see why you didn’t pay attention to the calendar clause but you should have. She’s given you complete freedom to pick the courses she is enrolled in on the basis you’ll have to do them yourself anyway. Except she’s already completed all her compulsory exam and course work assignment modules. That means she can complete her degree, getting a 4.0-GPA with just practical courses which aren’t covered by the CONTEST.”

“She said there weren’t any of those on her degree though” Stuart protests.

“Did you check that for yourself kid? Actually there’s only one practical course and shall we say it is chronically under- enrolled. ‘Practical Exploration of the Female Role in Male Pleasure’. You can sign her up for the maximum four modules and that will be her degree taken care of for the year.”

The second-year student opens his mouth to speak. Then closes it again. All he says is “she lied!”

“A dame lying?" you say voice dripping with sarcasm "Yeah, it happens occasionally. But you worked it out all by yourself. Shit kid if there are flies on you, they’re paying rent.” He shuts up for a second. And then more meekly asks “So what’s this practical course about?”

“Let’s just say I’m not surprised she said there weren’t any practical courses. It’s a specialised course. Basically, the women give oral sex to male volunteers four times a week. The men grade the performance every week and the women write about their experiences.

He almost looks aghast, “why would the University even have this as a course?”

“Who knows? Who cares? Maybe it is a holdover OUTCOME from someone who won a GAME with a Faculty member a long time ago? Maybe the senior professor is just a massive pervert. Irrelevant.”

You continue to look at your notes.

“Along with the short experience papers, and those I’m afraid you’ll still need to write for her, she also has to consistently be giving good blow jobs to get a 4.0 GPA. Now it’s open to any guy on campus to volunteer but the women get complete choice in who they are giving oral pleasure to. Most pick boyfriends etc. Of course, considering you’re organising her academic calendar you can volunteer for the role and then sign her up to yourself. And seeing as you’re grading her, a role not covered by the CONTEST incidentally, she’ll need to take your satisfaction seriously. And here is the kicker; we are well into the semester so if you de-register her from her other courses she won’t be able to sign back on.”

“Woah,” the young second year looks stunned “That’s amazing. But uhm, she probably won’t like, you know, giving me head, will she?”

“What do you care kid?” you say.

“Well, but she doesn’t have a choice …uhm.” He was obviously uncomfortable with this small detail. Looks like you needed to work him through it.

You shrug “Sure she does, she can drop out. No one is making her do a degree” you say . Stuart takes your point.

About two minutes later Nadine Luckmore’s academic calendar has been updated and she has de-enrolled from her coursework assignments to focus on a more practical element of Feminist Theory.

You still have a bit of paperwork to run through with Stuart so he is just leaving your office when ten minutes later the phone on his GT rings. When he answers it, even you can hear an angry female voice screaming down the other end which Stuart tries to mollify.

“…I know Nadine…no….yes….look calm down…..It’s a valid course. You’ll get your 4.0 GPA…I really think this way is fairer…. Anyway, we both get what we want….”

He points at the door to indicate that he should leave to continue the call. You nod in agreement and give him a short wave. He leaves the office still explaining the benefits of Nadine’s new curriculum to her.

Another satisfied client. That was an easy one. The kid could have done it himself if he had the time and the mindset. And of course what he was really paying for, the experience. Still the result will do your reputation wonders. Business had been slow recently.

It is 19:00. Time to get a drink.