Sina In The Shadows

The dim light from the lamp falls on the floor in front of my feet as a dull strip. I take another step deeper into the shadows, making me virtually invisible. They haven't noticed me. And they're so engrossed in what they're doing that they won't.

I, on the other hand, can see every detail. My gag reflex kicks in automatically with every thrust. I have no idea how Kathy manages to do this without gagging.

My heart is pounding in my throat. What am I doing here?

Part of me just wants to leave. Back to the club, to loud music and strong drinks. There I can dance with people who know nothing, who don't know Kathy and Dirk. People who aren't caught in a conflict of loyalty.

I should really tell Mom about this. Dirk is her lover, after all, and what's happening here means he's cheating on her. On the other hand, she's cheating on Dad with Dirk. So doesn't she deserve to have Dirk be such an cheating asshole?

It might even be good for her to find out. It could open her eyes to the fact that her relationship with Dirk is a mistake. Then she could break up with him and we would be a real family again.

But what if it goes wrong? What if she finds out and it leads to a fight, and she ends up leaving Dad for good? Then it would be my fault. Can I take on that responsibility?

To buy more time, I keep watching. Why? It's not just curiosity that keeps me from looking away. An ugly little voice whispers inside me: You're jealous. You're jealous of Kathy. You want Dirk for yourself.

Perhaps the thought of telling Mom about this stems from the hope of breaking them up, because then he would be free for me.

The thought hits me harder than it should. I feel a twinge in my stomach that almost makes me gasp. I clench my teeth; any noise could give me away. Getting caught now would be mega embarrassing.

But maybe that's exactly what I want, so Kathy will stop. She has no right to snatch the man I secretly marked for myself when I introduced him as my uncle.

It makes me angry. Angry at her. At him. But most of all, angry at myself.

I step back further, pressing myself against the cold, rough wall. My heart is beating too fast. I breathe shallowly. This is all so ridiculous—and yet so real. I can't shake the feeling that Kathy is stealing something from me.

With that realization comes shame. Hot and burning. My stomach tightens, my chest constricts. For a moment, I feel like I have to hold on to something to keep from falling over, even though I'm standing with my back against the wall.

At the same time, I'm confused about how calm I remain on the outside. Clear, focused, sober, I observe the mismatched couple. Dirk's movements become more uneven, less rhythmic. Kathy's eyes grow wider; she seems to notice it too. He won't last much longer. He's going to shoot his full load into her throat. Will she swallow it?

I don't want to see that. I turn away, wanting to slip away. My foot kicks an empty bottle. It falls over. Loud clinking. The bottle rolls out of my hiding place into the backyard.

Shit.

“I'm done for,” I think. Just get away! I make myself as small as possible, squeezing behind the stacked boxes.

Luckily for me, the two of them are already too far gone to notice me. Dirk is coming. I can't see him, but I can hear him.

He growls. “Take this. Swallow it all, you little slut.”

Suppressed gagging, then loud slurping.

“Yes, clean me up nice and good. Every last drop.”

Damn it, I just want to get out of here.