Side Story: The Ultimate Brothel (April Fool's Special)

In the magical kingdom of Rivenfell, it’s not hard to imagine why the word ‘adventure’ has become almost synonymous with the word excitement. Adventurers were heroes, after all, who risked their lives exploring deep into dungeons, fighting dangerous monsters, meeting beautiful princesses, and plundering all sorts of valuable loot in the name of fame and fortune. To most people, there couldn’t possibly be anything more exciting than that.

However, the truth is that going on adventures is actually a pretty small part of the adventuring profession, and for every single adventurer there are dozens of people in the economy working diligently so adventurers can keep working; smiths smelting weapons, alchemists cooking healing potions, polishers cleaning armor, inns preparing beds, and breweries making beer for parties to share. And, of course, when the adventuring is all complete, appraisers have to determine the value of all the party’s plundered loot and sell it so the adventurers can actually make a profit off all the treasure that they’ve gathered.

Shuichi Saihara, a wood elf who lived in a small apartment in the nation’s capital, was one such appraiser. Every day he’d go to the local adventurer's guild and sit at his desk wearing his black tunic and black cap where, for a small commission, he’d assess the value of the loot, pay the adventurers that value in gold coins, and then store the items for the guild master to sell. It was tedious work, especially when it came to counting and weighing outdated coins to determine how much they’d be worth if melted down, but at least it was safe, steady work that paid well.

Or, at least, that’s what he told himself whenever he had trouble keeping his eyes open while he was working.

“1001… 1002… 1003… 1004.” Shuichi's long ears twitched as he put down the last silver coin he was counting down on a big pile on his desk. Beside him, several enchanted blades and bows sat on the ground, each several hundred years old. “That brings the total to… 3000 gold pieces, even. A pretty good haul, especially considering it was a small dungeon.”

“Hey there, Shuichi! How’s it going?” A familiar voice called out from just outside the room, followed closely by the sound of clanking metal. A moment later and a human man with spiky purple hair, matching goatee, and wearing a long brown ‘heroic’ cape, black shirt underneath a loose purple jacket that he only had one arm through, silk white pants, and metal boots. His name was Kaito Momota, and he was the most famous and successful adventurer of the guild; conqueror of the moon, and slayer of the dreaded monochrome dragon. He was also one of Shuichi’s best customers and, to his bewilderment, one of his closest friends. “Have you finished counting everything yet, or should I come back tomorrow?”

“No need, Mr. Momota; I’m all done.” Shuichi opened a drawer on his desk and pulled out a large box of gold coins. “Here’s your payment; 3000 gold pieces.”

“3000!?” a feminine voice exclaimed from behind Kaito. Shuichi recognized that voice as well; it belonged to Chihiro Fujisaki, Kaito’s party healer, and the town’s soul resident angel. They flew out from behind Kaito, wearing their usual long white dress, brown sandals, and black spats. They also had long white wings that never flapped but still somehow let them fly, short brown hair, inquisitive brown eyes, and a golden halo above their head with a visible chunk missing from it. “Wow, that’s a lot more than I expected us to get.”

“Well, one of the bows you found belonged to an ancient dwarven king, so that bumped up the value of it all quite a bit,” Shuichi replied.

“Heh, I guess leprechauns really are lucky after all, huh, Makoto?” Kaito said with a smirk as he turned back to the doorway he came in through.

“Hey, I told you; that’s just a superstition,” a man with short brown hair, golden eyes, and wearing a dark green cloak with matching pants. His name was Makoto, and the leprechaun was easily the shortest person in the room, coming a full head shorter than the already short Chihiro. That suited him just fine, however, since as the party’s rogue it was his job to avoid being seen. “Luck isn’t even a real thing.”

“If that’s true, then how do you explain this?” Kaito asked as he delivered a powerful pat to his friend’s shoulder. “You were the one who found that thing underneath a big pile of junk, after all.”

“That was just a coincidence! I’m sure one of you guys would have found it with enough time!” Makoto humbly insisted. “Anyways, I guess it’s time for us to part ways for now. I’ll see you all here for the new dungeon tomorrow, okay?”

“Tomorrow? Kaito blinked in surprise. “Buddy, I think you’re forgetting a little something. Don’t you remember what we do every time we manage to get a big score?”

“Huh?” Makato starred for a few moments before his face lit up red as a tomato. “Oh, that’s right! We were going to do another review together, weren’t we?”

“You bet your ass we are!” Kaito replied, his smile shining with a charismatic sparkle. “And I have a feeling that we’re all going to get lucky tonight! So let’s take our gold and put it some good use!”

“Reviews?” Shuichi stared at the adventurers in confusion. “Excuse me, but… what are you talking about?”

“Oh, right; you don’t know about this, do you?” Kaito replied. “Tell me; have you ever heard of the adventurers Stunk and Zel?”

“Yeah, they saved the world a few times, right?” Shuichi replied.

“Yes, they have, but… you know what else they’re famous for, right?” Kaito looked Shuichi in the eye and wiggled his eyebrows.

“... ah! You mean that thing where they go to brothels and review them!?” Shuichi blushed and covered his face with his hands.

“You know it!” Kaito gave Shuichi a thumbs-up. “It’s a great way to blow off some steam, and make a little extra cash selling copies of your reviews to taverns. Plus, someone has to support our local succu-gurls, right?”

“R-right,” Shuichi said as he averted his eyes. “Well, I hope you guys enjoy yourselves. I’ll see you at the guild tomorrow.”

“Hmm… actually, why don’t you come with us, Shuichi?” Chihiro spoke up.

“W-wait, what!?” Shuichi stammered, nearly falling out of his seat. “You want me… to come with you!?”

“Well… yeah, I do,” Chihiro bashfully replied. “We usually have four of us when we go brothel reviewing, but Kazuichi still has his hand stuck in that steel golem and can’t come. Plus… you do so much work for us, every day! You really should take some time to relax!”

“That’s a great idea, Chihiro!” Kaito grabbed Shuichi by the hand and pulled him out of his seat. “Come on; I’ll even pay for it myself!”

“That’s really kind of you, but… I…” Shuichi blushed again as he trailed off. “I’ve never been to a brothel before.”

“Really? Man, you don’t know that you’ve been missing!” Kaito said, hugging Shuichi close to his body as they all left the adventurer’s guild. “Don’t worry, though; these women are all professionals, and they're more than used to dealing with newbies. You’ll do just fine, trust me!”

“Oh, speaking of brothels; which one are we going to hit up today?” Makoto asked. “Are we going to try out the succubus one? Or what about that gnome one a few blocks from the smith?”

“Both good ideas, but I think we should set our sights a little bit higher tonight,” Kaito replied. “After all, today’s the day that the Ultimate Brothel is opening!”

“Eh!? The Ultimate Brothel!?” Chihiro gasped, their wings fluttering behind them in shock. “You mean they finally finished it?”

“Yep; the world’s first brothel that has a succu-girl of every species! From human, to birdmaid, to slime girl, and everything in between! Most brothels are segregated by race since different succu-girls like having sex in different environments, but not this one!” Kaito cheerfully replied. “And we, my friends, are going to be the first Johns on the planet to review it!”

“T-the very first ones!?” Shuichi stammered. “I don’t know about this, guys… this feels like we’ll be under a lot of pressure.”

“Don’t worry, Shuichi; I was a little bit scared when I did my first review too,” Chihiro said, flying closer to Shuichi. “But trust me when I say that you won’t regret this! If you get the right girl, they’ll make you feel so good that you can barely believe it’s real! Just try it out, and you can leave if you don’t like it.”

“Mmm… alright, fine,” Shuichi eventually replied, giving into the angel’s expectant eyes. “I’ll leave if I feel uncomfortable, alright?”

“Heh, that’s the spirit!” Kaito cheered. “Now, c’mon! Let’s go before someone beats us to the punch!”

A few minutes later and the group arrived at a tall black tower; a tower so large that it dwarfed every other in town, including the already-tall succubus brothel. Inside, they were greeted by a luxurious lobby lined with a fine red carpet, expensive upholsteries, and paintings of all kinds of women on the walls in seductive poses.

“Greetings,” the woman behind the receptionist desk said as they entered. She was a dog woman with black hair, freckles, silver eyes, a silky black dress with matching elbow-length gloves, and german shepherd ears resting atop her head. She also had a cool, professional demeanor that gave Shuichi chills for some reason. “Are you here to hire our services?”

“Of course we are!” Kaito replied, undaunted by the dog woman’s cold stare. “There was no way we were going to pass up a chance to go to a place called the ‘Ultimate Brothel’, after all!”

“Very well then; the price is a flat rate of 200 gold per person, and you will be allowed to stay the night,” the dog girl explained as she took out a large binder from underneath her reception desk. “You may choose whichever girl you like, but you may only choose one.”

The dog woman opened the book and the party was greeted by page after page of magical photographs, each showcasing one of the various sex workers who worked at the tower above their pseudonyms.

“Hmm…” Kaito scratched his beard as she flipped through the pages of the book. “I think I’ll go with… this girl, right here!” Kaito pointed to an elf woman with long brown pigtails posing with golden knives in lacy red lingerie.

“Really? Her?” Makoto asked in surprise. “But she looks so… old. And dangerous.”

“Hey, man; you know that to humans like me all elves look the same age,” Kaito replied. “And she doesn’t look dangerous to me; in fact, I think she’s kind of cute!”

“Very well, sir.” The receptionist took Kaito’s money and pressed a button underneath her desk. “Your succu-girl will be here to greet you shortly.”

A minute later and an elevator behind the reception desk opened and the elf woman from the catalog walked out, looking almost exactly like she did in the photo. The one difference was that she had an even fiercer expression on her face than she had in the picture; her glare was so sharp that it seemed to Shuichi like it could pierce dragon scales.

But that didn’t seem to deter Kaito at all, however, who just walked up to her with his usual friendly grin on his face.

“So, you’re my customer, huh?” The elf looked Kaito up and down. “It figures that it’d be a human. So, what do you want me to do? Anal? Thigh job? Watersports? Just take your pick, and we’ll do it.”

“Hey now! There’s no need to rush, is there?” Kaito replied. “Let’s take our time and ease into things; make sure we’re both comfortable!”

“Both of us?” The elf woman seemed taken aback for a moment but quickly recovered. “Whatever; you’re the one paying for the room. Let’s just get going already.”

“See you later, guys! Try not to have too much fun!” Kaito saluted his friends as he got onto the elevator with his succu-girl before disappearing from sight when the doors closed a moment later.

“Okay, I guess I might as well go next.” Makoto pushed a small chair in front of the reception desk to get a better look at the book of sex workers. “Hmm, how about… this wolf woman right here? The one with the blue hair?”

Makoto was pointing to a picture of a smiling woman with sharp teeth, long blue hair with matching eyes, pointy wolf ears sitting on top of her head, and what looked like a lamb-skin tube top over her breasts.

“Oh, you want to sleep with Luna?” the receptionist replied. “While she is available, I must warn you that Luna is in heat today, and is hoping to conceive a child. You won’t be responsible for that child if you were to sleep with her, but you won’t be able to leave until she’s satisfied. But, as compensation, you may have a second succu-girl with you to help satiate her for free. I believe our resident vampire said she would help if anyone were to volunteer.”

“T-two for one? That is a pretty good deal…” Makoto scratched his face as he contemplated the offer. “Well, chances like this don’t come every day… and she is the most beautiful woman in the book… alright, I’m in!”

“Very well then; your succu-girl will be here shortly.” The receptionist took Makoto’s money and pressed another button underneath her desk. A few minutes later and the elevator doors opened to reveal the wolf girl Makoto had chosen standing in an iron cage, smiling and wagging her tail through her blue mini-skirt as she locked eyes with her prey.

“Awoooooo!” The wolf girl howled as the cage was pushed out of the elevator, her voice both intimidating and oddly musical. Behind the cage, Makoto could see a tall, pale vampire woman with dark red eyes, swirling black hair that reached all the way down to her knees, and a glittering black dress that flowed like the night sky. And, despite the calm look on her face, Makoto couldn’t help but feel like the vampire was looking at her with even more hunger than the wolf was.

“So, you are the brave boy who hired us, eh?” The vampire giggled as the wolf girl drooled next to her in the cage. “How amusing.”

“I, uh… suddenly feel like I might have bitten off more than I can chew,” Makoto said as he stared up at the two women.

“Worry not, my friend; I promise we won’t break you.” The vampire girl led Makoto back to the elevator, casually pulling the wolf cage behind her. “Too much, that is.”

Shuichi and Chihiro both audibly swallowed as the elevator doors shut.

“Next,” the receptionist spoke up.

“Oh, uh… how about we go with something safe tonight?” Chihiro said as they looked through the catalog. “There! I’ll have your minotaur girl for the night… i-if she’s available, that is.”

“An excellent choice.” The receptionist took Chihioro’s money and pressed another button, and a moment later the elevator arrived once more in the lobby.

“Ahaha!” a loud, obnoxious voice cackled as the woman inside the elevator walked out into the lobby. She had long, messy blonde hair, tight blue denim shorts, long cow ears and a thin cow tail waving behind her, and a massive pair of breasts that were barely being contained by a cow print pink bra. Though, while she did have a bigger bust than any human or elf Chihiro or Shuichi had ever seen, it was still significantly smaller than most minotaur women. “So, I finally get my first customer, huh? About fuckin’ time! With how beautiful, bodacious, and brilliant I am, I should have had boys lining up hours ago! Ahah!” She laughed boisterously again, spit flying from her mouth as she did. “So, which one of your boys should I congratulate for having such good taste?”

“Uh… that would be me.” Chihiro sheepishly raised a hand. “It’s so nice to meet you. My name is Chihiro and-hmmph!” The angel was abruptly interrupted by the minotaur woman pulling them into a hug and smashing their face against her soft tits.

“Heh! Well, aren’t you a cutie?” The cow woman said with a smirk as she reached down to grope Chihiro’s groin through their spats. “And you’re packing too! I have a feeling that I’m going to have a lot of fun with you!”

She then picked Chihiro up and carried them in a bridal pose back to the brothel elevator.

“Now, I know that you probably came here to milk me, but I hope you know that it’s only fair that I get to milk you as well~” The minotaur said with an almost evil grin on her face as she looked down at Chihiro. “Ahaha!”

“I suppose that just leaves you now, sir,” the dog receptionist said as the elevator doors closed again. “Have you decided who you would like to hire yet?”

“Not quite.” Shuichi kept flipping through the pages of the catalog, unable to bring himself to choose among the dozens of beautiful women contained inside. “Uh… do you have any suggestions?”

“Well… I do know one woman who is good for men’s first times.” The receptionist turned to one of the last pages in the book and pointed to a woman with blonde hair and pink eyes wearing a pink sea-shell bra. “Her name is Kae, and she is a mermaid siren. She’s friendly, talkative, good with the piano, and her magic voice can calm anyone down. How does that sound?”

“Wow… she’s beautiful,” Shuichi replied. “Okay, I think I’ll take her.”

“Very well then,” the receptionist said, taking the money Kaito had given Shuichi earlier. “But do be warned that were are not responsible for anything that you might get wet while you are visiting her room.”

Shuichi nodded and waited nervously in the lobby for a few minutes for the elevator to open again. When it did, he was greeted by the smiling face of the woman from the binder sitting halfway inside a clear tank of water. Behind her, Shuichi could see the bright blue scales of her fish lower half glittering in the water as she moved it slowly from side to side. He could also clearly see that, while she was half fish, Kae was still very human where it counted, and he couldn’t help but blush at the sight of that.

“Hello there, sir! It’s so good to meet you!” The blonde siren said as Shuichi walked up to her and shook her hand. “Thank you so much for choosing me!”

“Y-yeah, it was no problem,” Shuichi replied with a blush. “So, uh… do I just get in the tank with you, or…?”

“Heh, yes, that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do!” Kae giggled melodically and did a small flip underneath the water. “Don’t worry, though; I’m not the kind of siren who drowns people. I promise to take very good care of you!”

Shuichi still felt nervous, but for some reason her reassurances seemed to do a lot to calm him down. Taking a deep breath, Shuichi pulled himself up over the edge of the water tank and landed inside with a small splash, letting his clothes get completely soaked in the process.

“There we go! Now we can start having fun together~” Kae smiled and pulled Shuichi close to her chest. “You can close the doors now, Geneva!”

“Very well,” the receptionist replied outside as the elevator closed. “Enjoy your stay, sir.”

Kaito Momota (Human) Review of the Ultimate Brothel:

“With a name like the ‘Ultimate Brothel’, you expect luxury, and let me tell you that this place doesn’t disappoint in that regard! Fine furnishings, great food, and a ton of girls to choose from! It doesn’t matter what you’re into, the Ultimate Brothel has got you covered! Now, I didn’t have the time to review each and every succu-girl there, but the one I had was an adorable elf girl who really knew her way around a blade; both figuratively and literally! She actually helped shine my adventuring blade between rounds! You’re also given lots of time with the girls here too, so you have plenty of time to talk with each other if you want. A little expensive, but this is definitely a brothel I’ll be visiting again!

-8/10”

Chihiro Fujisaki (Angel) Review of the Ultimate Brothel:

“When I first heard about the Ultimate Brothel, almost assumed the place was too good to be true. A place where you can meet any kind of monster girl you want and sleep with them, all under one roof. Angels and demons, succubi and halflings, all living together in harmony. It’s almost inspiring in a way.

But, unfortunately, just because they have one of every monster girl doesn’t mean that they have the best monster girls. When I stayed at the Ultimate Brothel, I spent the night with a minotaur succu-girl, and she wasn’t anything like the other minotaur succu-girls I’ve been with in the past. She was mean, rude, and extremely bossy, and the only motherly quality about her was how much she loved being called ‘mommy’. Still, she was very good with her body, and she made me orgasm more times than I thought possible… but it still could have been a much better experience.

I would recommend the Ultimate Brothel, but only if you research and choose the right girl beforehand.

-6/10”

Makoto Naegi (Leprechaun) Review of the Ultimate Brothel:

“Honestly, I didn’t have very high hopes when I heard about this place. I mean, anyone can call themselves an ‘Ultimate’ anything, but that doesn’t actually mean they’ll be any good. Well, imagine my surprise then when I came to this place and I wound up having one of the best sexual experiences of my entire life! I had the chance to sleep with two beautiful women - a wolf girl and a vampire - and they both kept me going all night long! I can’t even remember the last time I made love to anyone so intensely, let alone two people at once!

Granted, the two girls at once thing isn’t something they normally do and I got them both by pure happenstance, but I know that I still would have had an amazing time with even just one of them. Sadly, I can’t give them a perfect score since they did kind of drain me dry and I felt pretty sore the next morning, but other than that I can’t imagine a better time at a brothel!

-9/10”

Shuichi Saihara (Wood Elf) Review of the Ultimate Brothel:

“I’ve actually never been to a brothel before this one, so you might want to take what I say here with a grain of salt. But, with that being said, I have to admit that I was completely blown out of the water by my experience here. I had trouble picking a succu-girl at first, but the receptionist did an incredible job recommending a beautiful siren woman to spend the night with. She was kind, understanding, and the things that she did with my body… uh, I’m not sure I’m supposed to describe what she did on a public forum like this, but rest assured that she made me feel incredible! The only downside was that I had to get a little bit wet to sleep with her, but that was a small price to pay. In all my 1,000 years of living, I don’t think I’ve ever had such an incredible night, and I’m not sure that I’ll ever have one as good again.

-10/10”

“Best night of your entire life, eh?” Kaito smirked as he finished reading Shuichi’s review in the common room of the Rivenfell adventurer’s guild the next day. In front of him, Shuichi Saihara was blushing so brightly alongside Makoto and Chihiro that it felt like he might catch fire. “Heh, I knew bringing you along was a good idea! I’m glad to hear you had a good time!”

“Th-thanks, Kaito,” Shuichi bashfully replied. “And thanks for inviting me to come along too. You really weren’t kidding when you said that brothels are a great way to blow of steam.”

“Of course! Anytime, Shuichi!” Kaito replied. “In fact… would you like to do this with us again next week? We could always use an elf’s perspective whenever we ‘adventure’ to a new brothel.”

“S-seriously? You’d want to go with me again?” Shuichi blushed as his long ears pointed downward with bashfulness. . “But I thought you only invited me because Kazuichi couldn’t go.”

“What are you talking about? We invited you because you’re our friend, Shuichi,” Makoto said with a reassuring smile. “You might not be a fighter, but you’re still a member of the adventuring guild; you’re one of us.”

“Yeah! Even when Kazuichi comes back, you can hang out with us whenever you want!” Chihiro said encouragingly.

“Wow…” Shuichi’s look of shock slowly melted away to a warm smile. “Thank you guys; it means a lot to me that you think I’m a friend.”

“You mean you didn’t know that earlier? Man, we really do need to work on that confidence of yours,” Kaito said with a strong slap to Shuichi’s back. “But don’t worry; meeting succu-girls is the best cure for low confidence there is!”

“I’m pretty sure you say that about everything, though,” Makoto pointed out. “Just last week, you said succu-girls were the best cure for lower back pain and insomnia.”

“Maybe, but it certainly never hurts to try a succu-girl when you’re feeling down,” Kaito said with a laugh. “Anyway, it’s about time we took on our next quest, right?”

“Yeah - we have to raid a dungeon that’s been causing trouble in the north,” Chihiro answered.

“Perfect! Time to put my other sword to good use!” Kaito turned and headed toward the exit to the guild. “See you again, soon Shuichi. Get ready to count our loot when we get back, okay?”

“You got it, Kaito! Just be sure to come back in one piece!” Shuichi waved his friends goodbye and went back to his office to sit down at his desk. He did his best to get focus on his work, but his mind kept flashing to the amazing sights and sounds that he experienced the night before.

“Hmm…” Shuichi tapped the tip of his quill against his desk. “It will probably be a few days before Kaito comes back… maybe even weeks if they get in trouble. Maybe I could stop by that brothel again before they get back to pass the time…”