Shopping for Forgiveness

We had all gone for a nice shopping trip, as promised, to get everyone things for their dorms. Beth had noticed that FuckMart was advertising back-to-school specials, so we had to check it out of course, and I must admit that some of the merchandise was quite good. I particularly liked the pen and pencils sets that doubled as dildos, the sharpener that worked as a fleshlight (although personally I might have been too nervous to try that, even if it did have a safety cover to ensure you didn't hit the wrong switch) and plenty of crazy skimpy college clothing. They had a full selection of normal stuff too. We stocked up on sheets (satin of course, but boy did they charge extra for those stupid 'extra-length' sheets you need for dorm mattresses), toiletries (soaps shaped like cocks or vaginas, shampoo that could double as lube, big towels, robes that wouldn't cover the naughty bits, etc.) and of course new clothing. We got everyone college themed clothing, except Sarah; her school was too far away for them to stock locally, though we did order a few things. Thomas and Elizabeth enjoyed testing out their clothing in the changing room; of course it was all crotchless, but Elizabeth went in for shirts that either had boob windows or had the school logo in transparent stretchy spandex over the boobs. Melissa got dragged along for a second opinion; I caught her surreptitiously playing with herself a bit when her friends were too occupied to notice. Beth took great pleasure in helping Melissa try out products from the dildo department; she was well stocked by the time we moved to more normal stores, and probably a good bit less frustrated.

Sarah had moved past frustrated and onto resigned at this point, and looked on longingly as everyone else spent a large part of the trip getting off trying products while she couldn't even really feel, as she found from the few pieces she tried. I felt the point had probably been made, and so was planning to end her punishment soon, but there was one thing she was going to have to do before I did so, and I knew she wouldn't like it. Nonetheless, despite the lack of sexual stimulation, I think she had a reasonably good time, and I made sure she was still well stocked (including sexual things I knew thanks to Power she would like once I removed her restrictions), and I was happy to see her attitude had faded from the combination of punishment, lack of exposure to bad influences, and the general shock from seeing the consequences of the behavior she had been participating in. A ton of (unusually rapid) convictions had come down in the last weeks, and Sarah's former "friends" were going to be spending significant amounts of their lives in prison, along with a number of former public and private officials. I made sure Sarah got all the details (via manipulating her internet searches a little), so she had to unavoidably confront how close she came to that happening to her too.

When we got home, I called Sarah into the living room. When she came in, I patted the couch next to me, indicating she should sit down. She took a seat somewhat resignedly. "So, I'm sure this hasn't been a fun few weeks for you," I began. She gave me the stink eye. "I hope you got the point I was trying to make. And of course you've seen what happened to Joana and company..."

"Yes dad," she said resignedly. "I fucked up. It's so obvious now. I can look back on what I did and see how stupid it was. I can't believe I let them string me along like that. I ruined everything," She replied.

I raised an eyebrow at this; it was a bit too on point. "Yes I know that sounds like me just saying whatever to get you to let me get off," she said. "But really I haven't had anything to do but go over it the last few weeks. I flushed all my friends down the toilet, so I have nothing to do but go to work, pack, and think. I can see all the things I did, all the little things that built up. I can't believe what I tired to do to Ashley and Tom and how I thought it was actually ok at the time." I cheated a little bit and checked to see if she meant this; unfortunately she had burned a bit of my ability to just trust what she said after spending months manipulating people. She really did mean it, which made me glad. I could see some of the daughter I thought I had raised coming back after all.

"I can see you really mean that," I replied. "But as much as I am glad to see it, you know there is one thing you still need to do." She was now looking at me nervously. I knew she probably knew what I meant, it was a big thing Charlie and I had drilled into both of our kids. But she definitely didn't want to. I held my phone out to her. "You know what you still need to do," I promoted her again.

"I... I can't," she said, her eyes watering. "I can't call Ashley after what I did. She won't even answer me. She won't ever want to speak to me again. I can't say sorry. It' wont' do anteing. Nothing can make up for it..." she broke down at this point.

I held her for a minute. "Remember, it's not about if she forgives you or not. It's about your acknowledging what you did is wrong and telling her," I said, stroking her hair gently as she cried in my chest. "If you use my phone, she won't just hang up from the caller ID. Maybe you won't get much out before she hangs up, but you have to try. I know you need it, and I bet she does too, even if just to get to tell her your sorry, instead of spending her life thinking how you last left it is how you feel about her."

As Sarah pulled herself together and got her phone (not like anyone remembers phone numbers anymore), I was at Ashley's house as Tom Mallory. After I had decided today was the day for this, and knowing Sarah was right and Ashley would probably just hang up, I had appeared in Ashley's room as Tom helping her pack (of course she didn't register I had just appeared there suddenly and she had done everything by herself up to now), so I could be there to help out from the other end. I really did want both of them to get closure. I had managed to coax her out with a group of friends a few times but I could almost see her waiting for something to happen. Sarah had been one of her oldest friends, so I couldn't blame her for thinking 'if she could do that, anyone could'.

When the phone rang, it showed a blocked number. Ashley was just going to hang up, but Tom suggested it might be the college calling her. I was handing her some clothes, so she answered on speaker. "Hello, Ashley Benedict speaking," she said. The line was silent. "Hello?" She finished putting the clothes in the bag, and was reaching for the hang up button. On the other end, I was motioning Sarah to talk; she was frozen at the sound of Ashley's voice.

"Ashley I'm sorry," Sarah blurted out. "I was a stupid bitch to you and Tom and I never should have done it and I can't believe I let myself be talked into it..." And she ran on like that for a bit. On the other end, Tom had grabbed Ashley's hand as she went to hang up. Ashley was looking at me questioningly.

"She didn't have to do this," I said quietly, so the phone wouldn't pick it up. "She could have just gone to college and never spoken to us again. This is your chance to have ti out with her and get some closure."

Sarah had run out of steam, but had noticed the line hadn't been cut. "You have a lot of nerve you bitch!" Ashley yelled. This was the strongest language I had ever heard her use with anyone. "Are you expecting me to forgive you? Should poor nice Ashley just say ok and be your friend again?!?! You threatened to ruin my life, and Tom's life..."

"I don't expect anything," Sarah cut in, having to yell a bit to get over Ashley. "What I did was unforgivable and I will regret it forever. I just wanted you to know that before we never see each other again. It's my fault for letting myself get wrapped up in all that stuff, and I know that's not an excuse, and I don't expect you to forgive me. But I couldn't just vanish."

"Goodbye Sarah," Ashley said coldly. "Have a nice life." And she hung up. Then she turned and buried her head in Tom's shoulder as she cried. Sarah was similarly in her father's arms at home.

When Ashley cried herself out, we lay down and just hugged for a bit. "I don't forgive her," she said quietly. "No one expects you to," I replied. We stayed like that for a bit; once she was calmed down Tom vanished to give her some alone time.

Sarah went up to her room once she was cried out. I turned off her punishment, but didn't say anything. The last thing this needed was to seem transactional, but I was proud of her for doing that, and I hoped this was something she could carry the rest of her life.