Sharon Arrives At Home

Sharon pulled into the driveway of her small home in Los Feliz. She turned off the ignition. Sharon stared into the steering wheel for god knows how long. She felt empty, drained, and sad. She had spent all of therapy talking about her stepdads again and she felt like such a cliche. Sharon had five stepdads: Brian, Brent, Bill, Bull, and James. Her biological father’s name was Ben but he had been out of the picture for a long time.

Sharon sighed, gathered all her energy, and opened the car door. She took off her seatbelt. She grabbed the strawberry lemonade and the Diet Coke. As Sharon was heaving herself out of the car she noticed the four piece chicken nugget sitting on the passenger seat. Sharon let out a loud moan.

“Auhhhhhhhhh”

She had forgotten all about the nuggets.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” She said to herself angrily. Then she added, “Shit on me all day. Shit fuck.” Sharon lodged the Diet Coke into the arm holding the strawberry lemonade and grabbed the bag of nuggets with her other hand. She realized that her wallet and car keys were still in the car but she didn’t give a fuck. She just wanted to get inside and she knew the door would be unlocked.

“Fuck it” Sharon mumbled. She closed the car door and walked towards the house. She struggled with the door. She did not want to put the nuggets down. Finally, Sharon’s bad mood got the best of her. She closed her eyes, turned her head towards the sky, and shouted:

“HAAAAAAAAAAAAAANS!”

Sharon hung her head in exhaustion. She heard something moving inside. The door opened. Hans stood there proudly and happily. Just the sight of Hans spread relief throughout Sharon’s body.

Hans was Sharon’s husband. They had been married for a little over a year now. They met a few years prior at a techno club. Sharon used to frequent the techno clubs in Los Angeles to dance alone as an exercise in independence and freedom from loneliness and shame. Hans just liked techno music and was from Germany where people go to clubs a lot. They met on the dance floor of The Lash during a Radiohead Appreciation Night and never looked back.

“My bunny, come inside.” Hans’ first language was German and so he had a German accent and confused the affectionate term “honey” with the cute animal “bunny” but it was still sweet so Sharon liked it. Hans put his arms around Sharon’s shoulders and guided her inside.

“What is all this?” He asked, with a German accent, pointing to Sharon’s Wendy’s loot.

“It’s my Wendy’s loot.” Sharon responded.

“Ok.” Hans said.

“I was thirsty.” Sharon explained.

“Ok.” Hans said.

“Do you want these chicken nuggets? There are four of them. They’re kind of spicy which is fun.” Sharon said, extending the bag of nuggets towards Hans.

“Not really.” Hans didn’t really like spicy foods. Sharon always forgot this detail about him.

Sharon sat at the kitchen table.

“Suit yourself.” She said as she tore into the bag and started eating the nuggets herself.

Hans leaned against the fridge and watched Sharon. She was so beautiful, practically inhaling the fast food chicken nuggets. A sneaky smile crept across Hans’ face. Sharon looked up from her nuggets at Hans.

“What?” She said, afraid that she was doing something embarrassing.

“What?” Hans said back, teasing her.

“What?” Sharon said, growing increasingly nervous that there was something very embarrassing about what she was doing or wearing.

“Whaaat?” Hans said, giggling.

“WHAT?” Sharon sprang up out of her chair, completely frantic with insecurity. She felt angry. Why was Hans making fun of her?

Hans jumped. Sharon’s outburst and the look in her eyes scared him.

“Hey…I was just teasing, bunny.”

“Teasing about what?” Sharon was still pissed and insecure.

“I just…had a sexy idea and I was teasing but then you got angry and I’m not really sure why that happened.” Hans said, growing increasingly unsure of how this was all going to turn out. “This” being this moment, tonight, this marriage, his life…

Sharon suddenly felt very silly. Relief washed over her but so did regret.

“Oh. I’m sorry, Hans. I just…I got afraid that you were making fun of me. I don’t know why I freaked out like that. I’ve been so weird tonight. I introduced myself to the Wendy’s Drive Thru speaker.” Sharon’s eyes welled up with hot tears. Hans reached out and touched her face. He loved her so much.

“Oh Sharon. You’ll be OK. Do you want to hear my sexy idea?” Hans smiled his sneaky smile again. This time, Sharon smiled back.

“Yes. I do.” She said, getting all cute.

“Let’s fill every pair of shoes we own with cum.”