Self reflection

Driving is surprisingly effective whenever you want some time alone to think. Or at least, it was in Viola's case. As several cars drove past her, she kept her steady pace and let them go by. She wasn't in any hurry, the radio on to the rock station she would listen to. The song Same Damn Life from the band Seether was currently playing, having just begun as she turned the radio on.

'Come smoke a cigarette and let your hair down-'

Seether, one of her favorites. Hearing that band reminded her of being at home, stuck in a small town doing the same thing then. School, games, sleep. School, games, sleep. How the song struck a cord chord with her and helped influence her to move out. Because she was tired of living the same life again and again.

'I never thought I could be so small'

'But you're the one that can't live without attention'

Despite her antisocial behavior, it was nice to feel the spotlight sometimes. Preferably she would rather live a more risky yet interesting life than a safe and boring one. Everyone does, the irony that once their lives become more interesting they yearn for the old, quiet life to return. Just like she was before taking a risk with Robin.

'I never thought I would lose this all'

'But you're the one who needs the fucking intervention'

She flinched, that line sounded to her like something Stacy would say. After what Cindy insinuated, was it really her own fault for making such a fuss? Am I the problem? She spent so long trying to steer her life in a steady and safe direction, was Robin her way of rebelling against her own expectations, or her mother's perhaps?

As the rest of the song played out, in her head she was occupied with the cards she was dealt with. Cindy was right, that's why she left. She was making this a problem and blaming him for it. Old habits, I suppose.

'Now I'm reliving my whole damn life and it's a shame, that I can't remember'

'And now I'm living the same damn lie it's a shame, but nothing's forever'

Just like when she was living with mom, it was the same issue. Insecurities, reading the situation wrong, she did that a lot. The lack of friends, she liked being alone yet found herself with a lot of free time. Maybe doing this isn't working, her decisions that is, what she has been trying for some time. Lots of past errors left their mark, when they should be learned from and left behind rather than carried with.

Dancing for example, reminded her too much of home. Too much of her mom smiling happily, playing music for five year old Viola, and too much of her with an ex that didn't end too well. Shame he liked her moves so much, she had felt that tainted her hobby since then. But last night she was proved wrong, she danced and teased and moved around and it was exciting, like feeling back at home.

Because of him, something about him made her feel comfortable, something she couldn't put into words. He felt familiar, he felt safe, I suppose that's why I do those things around him. Maybe it's different with him, maybe he's different. That's what Cindy was getting on to, what Stacy was seemingly curious about. Were they, or was she overthinking again?

'With every new regret I start to wear down, then pray for the pain to go away'

'I need an amulet, I need a new sound. I know everything remains the same'

Why is that, why do I make things so difficult? Is there no problem in all this, am I the problem?

'I never thought I could feel so small. I'm the one who will suffer this detention'

Viola frowned, pushing in the pedal and driving a bit faster.

'I never thought I would lose this all. But I accept this is my new education'

She slapped her hand against the steering wheel in sync with the drummer as the song kicked in for its finale.

'Now I'm reliving my whole damn life and it's a shame that I can't remember'

'And now I'm living the same damn lie it's a shame, but nothing's forever'

'Now I'm reliving my whole damn life and it's a shame that I can't remember'

'And now I'm living the same damn lie it's a shame, but nothing's forever'

One last guitar rift, an amazing solo performance as Viola bobbed her head in time with the beat. Yea, no more holding back. It's time she cut loose for a change, do something different. Now as the song cued up for its last hoorah, Viola smiled brightly and shouted alongside the lead singer.

"Now I'm reliving my whole damn life and it's a shame that I can't remember! And now I'm living the same damn lie it's a shame, but nothing's forever!"

"Now I'm reliving my whole damn life and it's a shame that I can't remember! And now I'm living the same damn lie it's a shame, but nothing's forever!"

As the guitar finished up, she found herself parked in front of her building.

Shy Vi is gone, Free Vee is here.

Same Damn Life - Seether

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3_lIPESVTw