See what Candy is talking about

Deanna reads your expression. “Something wrong? Jealous girlfriend? Jilted lover? Your next prom date, wanting to know when you will pick her up?”

“Worse than any of those,” you respond with a smile. “Crazy sister.”

“What am I busted about?” you text back. While you wait for the response, you mentally list the things that might cause Candy to say this, and you draw a blank, at least in terms of anything lately.

The phone beeps, and you see she has sent you a picture. You recognize it immediately as Vanessa’s front porch. On the swing is a couple. The image is somewhat grainy, but even so, it’s clearly Vanessa, wearing only a bra, straddling you on the swing, with your pants around your ankles.

That’s it? What’s the big deal? You’ve done that with Vanessa for ages, and it’s no secret. Does she really think this is going to be news to Mom?

You are about to type a response when another message arrives from her. “Looks like you’re really enjoying the prom. You’re gonna be so screwed!”

Candy must be losing it. You decide to call her.

“Go ahead and offer me a bribe,” she says, as soon as she picks up the phone. “My silence can be bought. How much are your balls worth to you?”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Sis? Did that stoner guy from 5th Street give you some of his **** or something? You’re not making any sense.”

“Don’t play innocent. When Mom finds out that you ditched Old Lady Templeton’s granddaughter so you could bang Vanessa, she’s gonna have your balls hanging from the rearview mirror.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m at the prom right now. Can’t you hear the music?”

Candy listens and defeatedly says, “Fuck. It must be Bryan.”

“Bryan?”

“I just took that picture a few minutes ago as I passed Vanessa’s. I just assumed it was you.”

“Not guilty. I guess his threesome didn’t pan out. I wonder if Vanessa knows it isn’t me.” Not that she really would care, one way or the other. “Did they see you?”

“No... I’m in Jake Gillespie’s car — and they were distracted.”

Knowing Vanessa, you can also guess that by this point Bryan probably has ringing in his ears because of how loud she gets when she knows people can see her doing the nasty.

“Tell Jake I said hi and that I still want to team up with him to go play golf sometime.”

“I will if I see him,” says Candy. “He was taking too long to get ready, so I’m actually with his brother.”

His brother? You’re surprised he’s old enough to drive. And she has the nerve to try to **** you?

“Gotta go, brother of mine,” she says. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” She hangs up before you can say that this leaves you with a shockingly small list.

“Everything ok?” asks Deanna.

“Yeah... like I said... crazy sister. She thought she could **** me for skipping out of here to be with a girl, but it turns out it was my brother she saw.”

“You guys must look pretty similar,” she says.

“Yeah, we’re identical twins. Most people can’t tell us apart.”

Deanna looks at you thoughtfully and says, “Wow... I’m trying to picture two guys looking as cute as you.”

“And I thought it was only guys who have twin fantasies,” you tease, but you know it isn’t true. You and Bryan have capitalized on lots of chicks who want to see what it’s like to get a “2 for the price of 1 special.”

“Are you identical in every aspect,” she asks.

“Physically, we are,” you say, noting that her eyes can’t help but quickly glance over your whole body. “But we have somewhat different tastes in .... um .... other things.”

“Such as?”

You consider how to answer the question when you see Clarice and Jimmy approaching, hand-in-hand, from the dance floor.