Scheduling wasn't

"Okay," Matt said. "I have Wendy scheduled with me, and a threesome with Betty and Sang. If we could get some lesbian stuff... I think that's already too much of me."

"Too much Archie?" Tanya laughed. "Not if you saw the comments. Everyone is identifying with you. As in, 'boy I was a dufus in high school also and had all those hot girls around and never managed to do anything so I'm identifying with Archie who is getting the girls into a cherry-breaking competition' of all things."

"It's pretty weird."

"It's fucking magical. Well, I slept with your sister last night so I guess I'd be down with sleeping with her on camera."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Us blondes have to stick together."

"I could give you some glue to stick yourselves--"

"You know, Matt. There are times when you'd be better off shutting up."

"Let me get on the phone and see if Wendy is down. I have a feeling her mom might not be happy."

"Oh, god. Wendy's mom is never happy. She's like the head of the local Republican party and she wants to mind everyone else's business and make sure nobody has any fun."

"So maybe I shouldn't invite Wendy."

Tanya shrugged. "Shit, maybe she'll appreciate entrepreneurship and freedom of speech and all that."

"But you don't think so?"

"I think she's a hypocrite who wants to impose her values on everyone else and that her values are all about rich people being good and poor people deserving what they get because God wouldn't have made them poor if they weren't worthless shits in the first place."

"Harsh."

"So, call the girl. She needs to get out from her mother's thumb."

Which led to the schedule--Betty, Song and Matt at 4:00. Tanya and Karen at 5:00 and Matt and Wendy at 6:00.

Which is when his phone rang.

"Matt," it was Pam. "I thought I'd do you today. Cindi got you yesterday so why not me?"

"Because we're only on for three hours and we have a lot of people wanting to--"

"But Betty and Song. I mean, you hardly know her and you're my boyfriend."

"I know, babe. But I was worried she'd tell Cai."

"The bitch blackmailed you?"

"Not exactly. Not in so many words."

"Fine, baby. But put me on the program for tomorrow. With you. If I wanted to spend my life eating my sister's muff, I could do that without leaving the house."

"You've got it. You're on for tomorrow. How's six o'clock?"

"Perfect."

He sighed. "This is complicated."

"Who would have guessed that wanting to bang every girl in the High School plus their college-age sisters and their college-aged sister's college friends would get complicated."

"You could be more sympathetic."

"I'm trying to raise money by offering up my twat as a sacrifice to you, the cock-god. How much more sympathy do you want?"

"I'll take that."

"I thought you might. Now kiss me and then go work out or something. If you're going to be the heartthrob of Peninsula High, you need to buff up."

"Yes, mom."

"From anyone else, I'd say that was an insult. From you, it's just sexual innuendo."

"Oh, give me a break. I'm going to work out now."