Scarlet Wars (Part 3: An Oral Report from an Old Friend)

Written in collaboration with Namichwan

“J-just a minute!”

It was getting riskier and riskier to hide in the supply closet this long. But what was Vision supposed to do? He didn’t actually have anything for his boss’ wife to suck! How was he going to get a blowjob without the key item required for the actual act!?

Another knock from outside, probably from someone wanting toner again. This company’s poorly created machines would be the end of their machine-like employee!

“Hang on, I should see what Wanda thinks!”It wasn’t a terrible excuse! In fact, it was a pretty sound idea. Vision knew Wanda was very forward thinking and perhaps she had a solution to his problem. Unfortunately, cell phones hadn't been invented yet…

However, there were a multitude of rotary phones in the office and Vision’s abilities extended to the ability to wirelessly communicate and manipulate electrical currents. With a couple seconds of focusing, he commandeered the building's phone lines and directed his signal towards his domestic household.

Ring ring, ring ring

“Oh?” Wanda said aloud, not expecting the wooden spoon in the kitchen to be vibrating and chiming in such a way. With a dainty shrug, the busty lass picked up the implement and placed it to her ear, “Hello? You’ve reached Wanda’s Wooden Spoon~”

The screen had split in such a way to show both caller and called, as the audience laughed at the whimsical nature of the event. “Wanda?! Can you hear me?!”

“Vision? Why are you ringing our kitchen utensils?” The plump lipped witch giggled at the notion.

He frowned, “Did I? My coordinates must be askew, but at least I managed to reach you! Please listen, I think my job might be in trouble and I need your advice!”

“Oh my! Anything to help you, my love!”
With another swallow, Vision gathered his nerves. Briefly looking to the right side of the screen to see her response, “The boss wants me to… let his wife perform oral intercourse on me. If I don’t perform properly then I’m set to be let off.”

“Sounds more like she’s preparing to get you off!” Wanda teased, “Are you looking for permission, Vis? If you’re worried about it then just try and imagine it’s me and my lips around you~”

An ‘ooohhh’ from the audience didn’t really deter Vision’s concerns, “Well, as nice as it is to know you aren’t jealous, my problem more lies with the lack of apparatus I have to run such an event. Disappointment is almost guaranteed if I cannot even provide a phallus in which to suckle…”

“Oh, Vis. I’m sure you can’t be fired on your first day. There’d never be a plot that challenges you more than you can truly handle.” She smiled sweetly, but also in a sort of deranged way that made the synthezoid’s non-existent gut turn.
“Um, be that as it may, I am struggling to figure out how I am to continue from here.” He said biting his thumb a little in concern, “And the why of it all as well. Were our lives truly this sexual in nature before…?”

Wanda pouted at his ****, “Perhaps it’s the universe telling us we need to be a bit more open to these experiences, hm Vis? I know I don’t want to spend my golden years as the cutest spinster on the block.”

“Th-the block? Try the whole universe!” He tried to flirt back.

“Naww, Vis~ You always know just what to say!”

“Wanda! I have that dandy magazine with me!” A voice called from behind the wife.

“Gotta go, Vis. Can’t have the new neighbor thinking I’m some weirdo who talks to the spoons!” Wanda chuckled. The woman was about to hang up, but quickly snapped her fingers before she did so, “There. Now you should have a working wang-a-lang, that should help your muzzle muddle. And later you can treat me to your new massive mickey to put your baby batter in my waiting womb!”

"Uh, absolutely alliterous, darling," he said as she hung up. With a subtle drumroll of anticipation, Vision unzipped his trousers, dropping them along with his loose-striped boxers. The studio audience held its breath, expecting a revelation befitting the superhero they knew.

As the garments descended, the scene filled with an air of dramatic tension. Then, the big moment arrived, casting a shadow on the closet wall. In stark contrast to the perfectly placed tape measure dangling off a nearby shelf to a very specific 15 inches what emerged was the most ordinary, unremarkable appendage - a perfectly average manifestation of male anatomy. Though that certainly didn't stop the audience's howl of laughter at the reveal of the three and a quarter inch softie!

The unexpected juxtaposition between the heroic android's regal demeanor and the laughably commonplace sight below generated uproarious guffawing from the live audience.

Vision, unaware of the studio laughter, pulled up his trousers with a bemused expression, "But I could have done something similar with my own abilities; the problem is my lack of blood to power it…

Another knock, this one with a bit more ****.

Vision had to come up with a plan here and now.
He scrambled around the room, grabbing what few items he could, then hurried into the line of men waiting to get their dick sucked. It had depleted significantly since he’d entered the closet. Now only having about twenty minutes before his boss’ wife would slurp down and unerectable organ with no hope of getting the non-human cum from inside.

The only items he’d managed to grab from his safety room was a pack of pencils, some glue, and a single crumpled piece of paper.

Even a fifth level intelligence like he could not conceive of a way out of this.

Each step towards that conference room felt like another pile of rubble on his tombstone. His job would be over, his wife would leave him, and his metal body would soon be converted into a series of cans to house beans for the rich. It was so obvious.

The musty gray halls of his workplace seemed to go on forever. A tauntingly slow process with many fades and slightly transparent clocks going fastly over the screen to indicate time passing quickly.

He stepped through the barrier, entering the conference room.

Only to have Vision come face to face with his familiar faced fellatio friend.

“Agent Romano-?!”

He was tackled before he could finish the sentence, the door slamming shut before anyone else heard. “Quiet!” She hissed, “Are you trying to blow my cover?!”

“I’d say you’re the one doing the blowing around here!” Vision rejected, pushing her hand away from his mouth. “I must say I wasn’t expecting to find a fellow Avenger in such a quiet town!”

“Yeah, me neither you bucket of bolts.” The busty woman huffed, crossing her arms under her bosoms that Vision swore were smaller.

Though that could be because of the lovely light gray sundress she was sporting, looking rather breezy with a small hemmed skirt and deeply plunging neckline. Perhaps with the amount of blowjobs she’d been giving, punctuated by the splatters of sperm lining her face and neck, Vision could permit a slightly disheveled dress code. “Why’d you come out here to the middle of Nowheresville?”

“The rent was too high in Nothing Town.” He remarked back, straightening out his tie, “Wanda and I are here to live a quiet life, for your information. And you? I can’t imagine you’d give up the spy life.”

She clicked her tongue, and then flipped the technological wrist device she had on upwards as she scanned the area. “You’re right. I’m here undercover as the boss’ wife. I have to make sure this company keeps the quota on time or else the world is doomed.”

“Oh my! And… uhm, what does this company do?”

“Classified.”

He slumped his shoulders as the audience chuckled at his misfortune. “Right. Well, that doesn’t explain the desire to fellate an entire building worth of workers!”

“A girl has to have some fun around here,” Natasha shrugged, setting off a truly spectacular bounce in her creamy bust that the audience enjoyed, even as Vision threw his gaze upwards. As the sustained motion of her bust continued for a seemingly endless time and the android patiently waited for it to stop, the laughter amongst the audience died down with a few final giggles, eventually leaving Natasha's breasts to settle into a relatively inert state.

Her eyes narrowed at his attitude, “You’re not some kind of Russian Spy, are you?”

The audience once more burst into laughter at his over the top reaction, “Wha-?! Buh-?! POT! KETTLE! YOU!”

“Oh, are we talking in code? The turtle flies over the hedgehog’s spine. Never grope a tourist going to tinsel town. Margaret.”

Shoulders once more slumped down in defeat. This would certainly be a wacky character that fans were familiar with to keep the show more interesting. She could weave into stories as either a friend, the conflict, or the protagonist fairly easily. Especially if Vision had to keep her existence a secret from his own wife. Maybe one day Natasha Romanoff could even get her own show, her own movie! But the producers were probably getting ahead of themselves.

“Right. Well. do you mind giving me a good review for the boss? I’d like to stay in the company, if it’s all the same to you.”

“What? I’ll look weak if I give you favoritism. Weakness leads to suspicion, and I refuse to have my cover blown. You have to at least try and satisfy my urges, Tin Man.”

There was a sigh that escaped his synthezoid lips before Vision nodded, “Very well. I will now unzip for this fellatio…”

Part of him hoped that whatever magic had worked to give him this floppy phallus that had ruined the lives of man throughout time would also magically make him hard as well. But alas, though the audience could only see his back, they could see the over the top reaction that Natasha provided.

“...is that it?” She asked, genuinely befuddled, looking around the room to see if there were any cameras (bar the obvious ones), “How is THIS all you have? And… are you propping it up with pencils?!”

"Indeed! Lacking an organic bloodstream, my reproductive apparatus lacks the necessary biological fluidity to become erect." He informed, with the audience having a hearty belly laugh at the absurdity of his explanation, "As such, I was **** to gather office supplies to achieve this erection for this mandatory fellatio."

The greyhead spy could only raise an eyebrow, "I see. The size though... I'm getting used to the microverse here, but yours is built, right? I wish Stark would have consulted with me on the design."

She turned her head to the camera with a smirk and they both paused as the audience chuckled at her quip.

Finally with an awkward smile Vision continued, "Yes well, be that as it may, this is the member that I was gifted with. Now unless you have chosen to aide me in avoiding this company mandated activity-"

With a dismissive wave of her hand, Natasha said, "Nope. Sorry Vis. Gotta protect the cover. Now come here."

With Vision's non-erect member in hand, Natasha did her best to guide him to an adjacent chair.

To her great disappointment, his manhood refused to budge as she stroked it up and down in an attempt to arouse him. With a deep breath she got down on her knees and wrapped her ruby grey lips around his small shaft.

With the audience now looking at the spy's back and a bobbing head, there was a great deal of anticipation and expectation. Natasha gave off the general impression of a loose-moraled jezebel famous for her blowjobs and the studio audience couldn't wait to see if she was able to change the android’s' flaccid fate.

Despite her best efforts with tongue swirling, throat diving and the use of her voluptuous breasts, Natasha was unable to awaken the lifeless schlong in her mouth.

"Damn," she lamented. "This is the toughest one yet. I'm out of options! Sorry, I'm afraid there's no other choice..."

“Oh no! You’ve activated my ejaculate button!” Vision suddenly yiped out of nowhere, moving himself away from her before squirting a whole tube of PVA glue onto her liberally open chest.

“Whoo~ what a blowjob! I’ll be sure to share the news with everyone, same time next week?”
His collar was grabbed before he could properly make it out the door.

“Hold on, Tin Man. You think I don’t know the difference between a guy’s jizz and some cake icing? Your stuff isn’t even warm!”

There was a beat where he considered telling her it was glue, actually. But instead he subtly warmed up his- “And don’t try to laser beam by tits to make it hot!” there was another beat before he powered down his forehead. The Black Widow was obviously very angry, “I’m going to make sure your days in the company are through! I’ll-!”

“Probably tell everyone that it went fine, because otherwise your cover will be blown?”
She paused, then clicked her tongue. “...sneaky. Wouldn’t have expected that from you, Tin Man. Maybe Fury would have liked you after all…” Her eyes were tight together but there was a level of impressed to her expression, “Alright. You get this one ****, since we’re old coworkers. Now get out of here.”

He wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth, nor an angry russian spy in her glue covered tits, so Vision quickly began walking away again. “Thank you, Ms. Hart.”

“Watch yourself out there, Vision,” Natasha suddenly warned, “You may have gotten past me, but how is your lovely wife going to respond when it turns out your wanger is a flopper? Someone has to put a baby in her.”

There was one final pause as a dramatic music sting played over the airways. No laughter, only ‘oo’s of drama from the audience as Vision nodded and walked away from the room.

Only to hear as he left one final yell, “WAIT IS THIS $@%#ING GLUE?!”

And the scene faded away as he ran.