Scarlet Wars (Part 1: We Now Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Program)

Written in collaboration with Cross C

OH A NEWLYWED COUPLE JUST MOVED TO TOWN, A REGULAR HUSBAND AND WIFE!

WHO LEFT THE BIG CITY TO FIND A QUIET LIFE...

WANDA, VISION!

SHE’S A MAGICAL GAL IN A SMALL TOWN LOCALE

HE’S A HUBBY WHO’S PART MACHINE!

HOW WILL THIS DUO FIT IN AND PULL THROUGH? OH BY SHARING A LOVE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER SEEN!

WANDAVISION!

It was such a beautiful grey morning in Wanda’s new paradise.

Finally, a house of their own. Away from the hustle and bustle of modern life, with her wonderful husband she loved so dearly. Nothing was wrong. He had a job, she had a wonderful housewife dress she could magically snap her fingers and put on, so together they had everything.

They’d be able to spend years and years here. Nothing was wrong. The town seemed so lovely and welcoming during the opening title sequence, and she couldn’t wait to go on many many adventures featuring a varying litany of guest stars and minor characters, all while keeping her life safe and full of love.

All while being filmed in front of a live studio audience! Nothing was wrong!

With her amazing magical powers, Wanda floated the stack of plates into their cupboard, closing the last of the boxes for them to have officially moved in…

And accidentally crashing a plate into Vision!

“My wife and her flying saucers!” He sighed happily, triggering a burst of laughter from the audience.

“My husband and his indestructible head!” She quipped back, once more hearing the gaggle of laughs from their faithful viewers. With her signature magic gesture, Wanda reconjures a new plate from the broken pieces and lets it float back into their cupboard. Then she wrapped her arms around Vision’s neck.

“What do you say to silver dollar pancakes, crispy hash browns, bacon, eggs, freshly squeezed orange juice and black coffee?”

“I say... I don’t eat food.”

“That explains the empty refrigerator…” She smiled before pecking her husband once more on the lips.

As Vision got ready to go to his work, Wanda decided to admire herself in their kitchen mirror that had always been there.

Something was wrong.

She couldn’t exactly put her finger on it, but something about her appearance didn’t sit right with the ex-Avenger. Her eyes kept looking at herself like it wasn’t the right look for her, but that didn’t make sense. This is how she, a 1950s housewife, would dress in this era! Showing anything… more… w-would be a… would be a sin! She didn’t want to say ‘howdyado’ to the whole neighbourhood and let them think she was a harlot from the mean streets of Kentucky!

Though, would that be that bad?

Having the whole town know you’ve got a little bit of a bad bone. A wicked witch, a naughty girl, ooh, for some reason Wanda couldn’t help but enjoy that idea. So what if she showed a little extra skin? That was alright, wasn’t it? This show would just go from a G to a PG-13...

Wanda snapped her fingers.

It wasn’t a big difference, but there was enough for her to feel more comfortable in her clothes now. A deeper cut dress, a slightly better bra that the 1950s didn’t make yet, and a couple inches off the skirt made a much better look for the newlywed. Her pearl necklace was now a pearl choker, her hair just a little bit wilder, and her grey lipstick now a deep rich grey. Perfect. Even the audience was doing a loud ‘WooOOoo’ at her new outfit. Now, nothing was wrong.

“Oh, my word!”

Oh right, her husband.

“Wanda! You, I mean, your look, it, I, well, you-”

She placed her finger lightly on his lips.

“I like it!” His words slipped through her block, to which she smiled and leaned in for a quick peck on the android’s pecker. “Wanda, is there something special about today? On the calendar, someone’s drawn a little heart right over today’s date.”

“Oh yes, the heart... Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten, Vis.”

“Wanda, I am incapable of forgetfulness. I remember everything. That is not an exaggeration. In fact, I’m incapable of exaggeration.”

“Then tell me what’s special about today?”

“...what was the question?”

The audience had a real knee slapper reaction at that one.

“Maybe you’ve forgotten yourself!”

“Me? No never. I’ve been looking forward to today!”

“As have I!”

“Then let’s say what it is at the same time, ready?”

If capable of it, Vision would be sweating, “Uh, absolutely. Three, two…”

“We are entertaining guests tonight!”//“You’re going to put a baby in me!”

There was a blink of confusion as the two didn’t fully hear the other when they’d talked at the same time. Even the audience was a little weirded out by that, not sure how to react as the two powered people gave each other lowered eyebrows.

“Wanda, did you-?”

“Vision! You’re going to be late for work!”

His confusion ended immediately as he looked at the clock in the room. “My word! I can’t make a bad impression on my first day!” The flustered android blustered about the room, quickly rushing towards the door before turning back to his wife, “Have a lovely day, my love!”

“You too, uhm… Vis? Are you forgetting?”

“I’d never-!” She pointed at her face, then at the mirror near his own face. “Ah! You’re right, as ever.” He sighed with a roll of his eyes at his own silliness. Quickly changing from his android form to his more human looking version, so as to not scare the new neighbours that didn’t know they were living next to a magic woman and her lovely robotic husband. With one final fling of a kiss, Vision exited stage right.

Wanda caught the soaring metaphor… and then lewdly smooched her own hand, feeling like she desperately would have preferred to make out with Vision properly.

“They said that getting married would ruin your sex life, but what do you do when your android husband doesn’t even have a penis!”

The audience cackled hard, cheering and whooping at her quip.

Nothing was wrong at all.

How could anything be wrong on a merry day like today?!

That was what was passing through the synthetic mind of Vision as he practically skipped down the wonderfully gay street of Westview this morn’. A pep in his step and a wife waiting for him back home, the artificial man felt just so happy!

And he wasn’t the only one from the looks of things!

It was strange. There was almost a level of frisky frivolousness that was going around the residents of his new town.

The street itself was partial to two rows of contemporary architecture, with two stories and a lovely grey garden in front of each true American home. There was no need for fences or hedges, just a walkway between two freshly cut grass patches that sat next to the driveway of each perfectly aligned structure. Almost all of these houses had a suited husband on his way to work and a dynamite home gal in her best dress waiting to send their soldier away.

It was the way that the husbands and wives were saying goodbye that was throwing Vision. Even managing to make him exclaim “Oh my!” at some of the displays.

One pair had kissed. Certainly not an untoward act by itself, but as the synthezoid waltzed past their kiss had yet to stop. What would usually be a peck had extended to almost French levels of smooching! Then as he approached the next house they too had an odd farewell ritual, where the man had taken it upon himself to honk his wife’s tatas goodbye! To say they didn’t deserve it would be a lie considering how large a rack the grey haired woman wielded… though Vision wasn’t sure why he’d note something like that down either…

It wasn’t the only bizarre thing on the street either. All the way on his way to work, the people of Westview just seemed more… free. Inhibitionless. Women with only the skimpiest of bikinis were sunbathing in their yards. Men wanting to punish their wives for some reason were openly spanking them after lifting such tiny miniskirts. One man hadn’t even escaped his house, but from the cartoon sound effects coming from the closed curtains he could tell what they were doing!

“Yowzah!” Vision exclaimed once more. Had he not been so sure it was the 1950s he’d have sworn it was the 1980s! Wait, 19-? As soon as he thought that his recent memory was immediately wiped. “Yowzah!” Vision exclaimed once more.

Perhaps this was just what Westview was like? A liberated town of sexual freedom? Had that been why he and Wanda had decided to move there? To start a family one does need a man and a woman to perform a rather specific act…

But then why was his gut feeling uneasy like he had a proverbial check engine light on?

With everything that was happening, Vision couldn’t help but wonder if something had… changed.