Same o' same o'

Nothing out of the ordinary really happened on Thursday and Friday, well apart from me struggling to understand my „mind reading abilities”, of which I was still rather unsure. I went to classes as well as to my martial arts training again on thursday. I was better prepared this time and wasn't really wearied until the end of the lesson. But when the exhaustion came, I couldn't really stop myself. I had to find a way to maintain my composure as well as to keep this draining effect under control - if it was indeed felt by others too - in order not to raise any suspicion. That was indeed quite hard at first, but I realised it getting somewhat easier, after I felt recuperated.

On Friday I called Jaz and my parents informing both of them I would stay at my place for the weekend because I didn't feel too good. A Lie but I didn't care, I needed some time. So after classes, I hit the library for some extensive research on meditation techniques as well as research on the topic and any esoteric text, that could help me understand what I was experiencing. After that I did research on the medical side of things: psychotic episodes and patients genuinely convinced to have psychic abilities, that have - from their point of view - been proven to work. Unfortunately our university wasn't great in the medical department and so I had mostly books on meditation techniques to skim. I took a study booth and registered it over the weekend. Then I made photocopies of the most promising texts. It was getting late and just before the library closed, I turned home exhausted, alone, with an empty stomach and a bunch of extra papers in my backpack.

I went home, heated a frozen pizza and began close reading on some of the texts. I nearly fell asleep and had a slightly burned pizza while I tried to keep reading. But even a cup of coffee couldn't keep me awake for long and I finally fell asleep over my papers.

The weekend went by reading a lot in the library as well as online. Instead of playing video games I meditated a lot and tried out my newfound abilities. I was still very insecure because, you know hearing voices in your head isn't exactly considered a sign of mental health but I decided against getting help. What gave me hope was that I could definitely monitor the number of voices. They seemed to increase when I was in company and decrease when alone. Also by Sunday I had made good progress in keeping abilities in check and felt more and more in control of the situation.

The next week brought further improvements but I had to catch up for the last week where I did almost nothing for my studies. So I decided to stay at my place for another weekend. Much to Jaz' chagrin, she had hoped to see me but I declined, promising her a visit to another concert on the next Saturday. I am not going to lie, the next week was hard, well kinda, but I managed to catch up on my classes, do my martial training, extensive meditating and started to hit the weed again which didn't seem to hinder my progress, quite the opposite really.