Sadie rethinks how she feels about men

I can’t put my finger on what’s not right, but as Sarah continues to stroke in and out of me, as she continues to breath hard behind me, as she continues to stimulate me and make me writhe and moan under her, I feel my pleasure plateau as it’s done almost all the times before. I get oh so ever close to cumming, but then it just stops. I push back against Sarah, which she seems to appreciate, but it doesn’t push me over the edge. I try begging Sarah for more, but my muffled pleads go unfulfilled.

Even as Sarah pushes deep inside of me and ‘cums’, throbbing and pumping her hot deposit within me, I get right to the screaming edge but no closer. Like last time, Sarah genuinely has her orgasm and falls on top of me, pressing me into the bedspread. I’m left feeling full and pleasured and wanting as she pulls my hair to one side and kisses my neck and whispers how much she loves me and how happy I made her.

After we both calm down, Sarah rolls us over onto our sides. When she doesn’t do any more than pull out of me and seems to be settling in to sleep, I mumble around my gag for her to help. I breathe out a sigh of relief when she starts working at my leg bindings, but once they’re free and I can stretch my legs out, she lies next to me again and snuggles up close. I try requesting more aid, but she shushes my wordless request, kisses my neck, and pulls the covers up over us leaving me bound with my arms behind my back and gagged silent.

As Sarah snores lightly behind me and her arm wraps around me, cupping my breast, sleep doesn’t ever really take me. I nod off occasionally but at best only snooze for ten or fifteen minutes before waking myself up. I’ve heard of people that sleep while bound like this, but I just can’t do it. When the sun rises and the room starts to get light again, I struggle between waking Sarah up and just waiting for her to naturally rouse from her slumber. I could probably slide out of bed on my own, but with my arms bound as they are I couldn’t even get out of my clothes, let alone use the bathroom or clean myself.

My shifting and turning in bed eventually wakes Sarah up. She seems entirely impressed with herself but thankfully doesn’t tease me any further and has me untied before she even gets out of bed herself. We each take our turn in the bathroom and get ready for the day. By the time we’re sitting down for breakfast I’m back in my chastity cage and dressed up for my new Tuesday Night Date Night stream.

I try to get my head around how the stream went the night before and push the sex with Sarah off to the side. I just want to look at the numbers first. The stream will be hard enough to deal with on its own. While working on my half grapefruit and getting the stream posted to UsTube, I gather up all the tipping numbers and realize that it wasn’t just a monster night for tips. It was my best night ever. And that’s even before it’s uploaded to UsTube.

Looking up at Sarah I can’t keep the amazement out of my voice, “Oh my God Sarah, look at how well we did last night!”

Sarah looks over the spreadsheet and smiles. “You know, we might have your new specialty down. I’ve had better nights, but not many.”

When she looks up at me though, her smile fades and she shrugs, “But you know it might not keep going like that. I didn’t make any money last night and your profit wasn’t enough to cover that. I’m not saying you have to pay me, but I won’t give up my streaming to be the bondage mistress on your streams. I guess you could try to find someone else, but it would take a lot of trust, and I don’t know anybody that fist that bill for me, let alone you.”

I feel a little deflated but know that she’s right. The only thing that stops my spirits from dropping entirely is when I see the total in my savings account and add what this haul will bring it up to. Looking back at Sarah I grin and show her the account total. “Hey, do you see what I see? I might not be able to repeat those numbers, but it pushed me over a big hill. Once it’s deposited in my account, I’ll be able to pay off the computer, Dr. Lacy’s procedures, Dr. Stevenson’s visit, and most of the hormones!”

I can see Sarah doing the math in her head as she genuinely gets as excited as me. “Oh my God Sadie, that means you’ll just have your college bill and some other small stuff left over. You did it! You’re going to have everything paid off by the end of the semester easy!”

After breakfast and doing my schoolwork, Sarah and I decide to celebrate by going shopping. I’m not sure why I ever made fun of girls’ desire to go shopping before as it’s genuinely fun. Even if we don’t buy anything at all, it’s great to get out and see the new fashions, to look at the accessories and imagine putting together a new outfit, looking at the makeup and nail polish and hair pieces and figuring out a whole new look. We window shop through lunch, stopping just long enough to share an order of fries before getting our nails professionally done and our hair touched up by Marci and company.

At dinner time instead of going home Sarah takes us out to Bella Cucina Ristorante, probably the nicest Italian restaurant in the county. As the violin player circles around the dining room, and we enjoy our appetizer of marinated olives we discuss the stream last night. We both agree that it went way too far and that we’ll have to monitor the comments, the reddit, and even the UsTube video for anything approaching complaints or people taking it too adult. If it goes that way it’d be more prudent to take it down and lose the income stream than risk it getting demonetized and risking all my channels.

By the time our main dishes come, zucchini risotto for Sarah and fregula with clams for me, we’ve moved on to talk about our nocturnal activities after the stream. I’m surprised when Sarah opens up and admits that she’s not enjoying the sex as much lately. “Look, it’s nothing that you’re doing Sadie, but I really get off on having sex with a girly guy. And over the past few weeks, you’ve gotten so good at playing Princess Babydoll and being more and more natural at Sadie that… well, I’m not a lesbian and you’re frankly more girly than me.”

I blush deeper than I think I’ve ever blushed before. Not only is Sarah admitting she’s not as attracted to me as she was before, it’s because I’m too feminine. I can’t peel my eyes away from my clams when she goes on, speaking truth that’s even more embarrassing. “And I have to admit, I think it’s the same for you. You don’t orgasm with me and haven’t in a long while. The one time you did recently was when I did everything to make it look and feel like I was Louis. Clearly, you’re more attracted to a masculine lover. I was thinking of that last night when I was using that double sided dildo on you and you were so obviously close, but I hadn’t prepared the evening in advance, and I couldn’t hide that you were being fucked by me. By a girl. You didn’t cum, right?”

I swear, I’m left hoping that the floor will just open up and swallow me whole as the waiter walks by and hears Sarah’s question. The look on his face says he’d love to stay and listen to the lesbian couple talk about their sex as he pictures Sarah fucking me with a dildo. I can’t answer her directly and instead just shake my head, agreeing that I didn’t orgasm.

Sarah clearly sees the waiter but doesn’t seem to care as she goes on, “See, I bet if you thought I was Louis again you’d have cum in your pretty panties. I mean, this is more than just sex, I’ve had to work hard at maintaining a mistress like relationship with you as it seems just more natural to be friends. And I don’t know if you’ve realized it, but you’ve been doing the same thing. You’re like my buddy in high school, Claire. We’d hang out and do just about anything together. But we didn’t ever have sex.”

I at least wait until the waiter is out of earshot before answering. “I can’t disagree with you, but what does that mean? What do I do or where do I go with this information?”

Sarah finishes off her dish, crosses her fork and knife on the plate, and leans back in her chair. I can see that she hasn’t thought this through and is honestly considering my question. “Well… I mean, I think if you want to be open and honest with yourself, you have to… you know… try being intimate with a man.”

I sit up straight, ready to shoot down any suggestion that I have sex with a man, but Sarah holds up her hand and goes on, “No no, listen. I know you had a horrible experience with Marley. But you can’t say that you weren’t attracted to him. Hell, I’m not normally turned on by muscle bound guys and I get a little hot when he’s around. Now, you weren’t expecting him to go that far, he moved to fast, and most importantly he didn’t get your consent… but didn’t you say that you liked the feel of his finger inside of you? Didn’t you say that you liked how small and feminine he made you feel while you walked around the casino? How safe he made you feel up until you tripped and fell with his dick on your lips?”

I feel my face going all flushed and red again, but while a big part of that is due to feeling hurt and betrayed, I can’t lie and say that a part of it isn’t from remembering just what Sarah is saying. How I felt good with Marley.

Sarah waits until I’m looking at her before she leans in and goes on quietly, “Look, you can do what you want Sadie, but I can’t keep trying to be ‘your man’. And while I think it’s still important that you stay in chastity so that you don’t just jerk off all the time… I don’t think it’s all that healthy to not get some relief. Both mental and physical relief. And if your body, your inner self, is telling you that you’re attracted to men… why not at least explore that? You’ve already opened up to Louis about this a bit, why not go forward with it again. Tell him that you’re experimenting and are open to exploring. He’d be more respectful of boundaries than Marley. And Marley, who already knows what you have under your panties and is clearly not bothered by it… well, you could experiment with him. Physically. I mean, he might be a little big for you to take back there, but… it sounds like the ‘Marley’ dildo is about his size and you’ve already had that in your mouth.”

I’m far too embarrassed to continue talking about this at the restaurant and thankfully Sarah allows the subject to change. After we share a desert of panna cotta we drive back home and talk a little more about being open to experimenting with Louis and Marley. Experimenting being more emotionally open with Louis and more physically open with Marley. And as much as my spirit and core says that it’s not right, I can’t come up with good reasons not to, beyond homophobic ones. I’m clearly physically turned on by sex that would be deemed homosexual to me just a few months back. I get turned on by Sarah’s devotionals that have me jerking off and even sucking off dildos. I came by her acting like a man fucking my ass. And when she tried the same thing again without playing a guy, I didn’t cum.

I let it settle in the back of my head as Sarah and I both move into our streams. Maybe if it’d been a different night my outlook would have changed, but it was my Tuesday Night Date Night stream. The Obey/Command Me! game is getting quite steamy, and I actually have to blur my stream for the first time as I have my first scene that earns the game’s Adults Only 18+ rating. In the game my demon roomie caught me trying to masturbate and ordered me to my knees in front of him. In the game, my character didn’t have enough willpower to deny him and I had to watch my character give head to him. The audience loved it even though I built up enough willpower to stop him from calling my other roomies in. I’m fairly sure on the next playthrough I might experience my first in game gang bang. As is, while witnessing my pink haired avatar giving head, I couldn’t stop imagining doing the same thing. With Marley. It took a lot of effort, but if I got past my initial revulsion and feeling of betrayal… it was kind of sexy thinking of doing that.

The stream ends and is profitable. I give myself a night to sleep on it and have an almost pleasant Affirmational Devotional before a good night’s sleep. In the morning, after stretching and exercising, I call up Marley. He lets me lead the conversation and agrees to meet me at the coffee shop to discuss things. My chest is so tight on the phone call that I’m sure I’d have nixed the whole idea if he suggested we meet sooner or meet in private, but he just agrees with me and says he'll see me Friday morning at our normal workout time.

The good call with Marley gives me more confidence to call Louis. I’m more nervous about starting something with him and I believe it’s probably because if I’m opening myself up emotionally to him, and it works out, I’ll be close to telling him who I truly am. What I truly am.

Unlike Marley, who seemed cautiously happy to hear from me, Louis is outright excited. While he acknowledges my request to stay away, he admits that he’s been thinking about me as he’s getting ready for a car show. It seems that he’s finished the interior of his ‘vette and he really wants to have a good showing including photos. Car photos. With a car ‘babe’. His excitement is infectious, and I can’t stop giggling as I imagine splaying over his car as his ‘car babe’.

When we finally hang up, I’ve agreed to meet him Friday afternoon for the photo shoot and even to accompany him to the car show on Saturday afternoon. I never really get the chance to tell him that I want to start dating again and it feels like we just skipped that part. That we’re going out again already.