SS Undercover Ch 5

“Guys, all this obviously takes a lot of work,” Cassie says, gesturing at all the weird stuff cluttering the table. “Can you chill?”

For a moment, Kylie looks disapproving. Then she and Elsa exchange a look. “If we must,” she says airily. As one, they take a drink.

UNDERCOVER

“Move, dickhead,” Lady Charlotte says, pushing past Rafail to place her hand on the wall of ice. A light appears in her eyes, and the ice starts to melt.

Rafail and Ossor appear on either side of her, watching intently. They exchange a look, and Ossor scratches his head. “Hang on, so we don’t get to see you bang the demon guy?”

UNDERCOVER

Apple peers over her folder at them. “No, you don’t usually see that. It’s implied.”

“What? That’s some bullshit,” Elsa says, stretching her arms high over her head and yawning. Cassie sees the longing in the way Apple watches her.

Kylie frowns as she unbuttons her shirt. “How do you know how it works if you don’t see it?”

Colby watches her. “Because it gets talked about with the Blood Tulips. Why are you taking your clothes off?”

“Because I’m hot.” Still popping buttons with one hand, Kylie leans over and uses her free hand to take a sip of Fireball. “Eeurg. Ungodly.”

“And sometimes the way it seems is that he does whatever Lady Charlotte needs, but then she owes him later,” Apple adds helpfully.

“Toxic,” Elsa says.

“Mm,” Kylie agrees, nodding.

UNDERCOVER

Chunks of ice slosh to the ground. Ossor holds up his torch and ventures through, illuminating a cavernous chamber. It’s much too big and dark to be seen with the light of a single torch.

Iris draws her sword. “Not sure I like the look of this. There!”

The others follow her forward, holding their lights high. Terribly old wooden boxes are stacked in a dry spot above a small pool. The boxes are bigger than coffins, and age has turned wood that was once brown to a powdery gray and black.

“Locked,” Iris says over her shoulder. “But we were right. Look, it’s the sigil of Tanmor.”

“You’re the big guy. Break it open,” Lady Charlotte tells Ossor.

“Um,” Iris says hesitantly, stopping him. “That’s probably not a good idea. I think Lady Charlotte would usually point out that there’s probably going to be magical countermeasures.”

UNDERCOVER

“Why do we care about what’s in these boxes?” Cassie asks, accepting another pour of beer from an oversized blue can held by Kylie, who is right about it being too hot. But Kylie’s getting a lot of attention in her blue bra, and miraculously, Cassie hasn’t forgotten her mission. Attention isn’t what she wants, so her clothes are staying on. “I’m sorry, but I missed the beginning. Is it treasure? I like treasure.”

Colby takes off her glasses to clean them. “We’re looking for an ancient artifact that’s dangerous. There’s a guy who probably knows where it is, but he’s been dead forever, so we want his journals. His journals are supposed to be at the big haunted library way a gazillion miles away in Tanmuth, which was cool,” she says to Apple, who blushes modestly. “We did that with Ying and Wendy.”

Elsa’s eye twitches.

“Anyway, we figured out that the library people knew there was sketchy stuff in some of the books, so they hid it, and we had to do stuff to get clues for where the books ended up, and now we’re here.”

“There’s four of us,” Cassie points out. “What are four people gonna do with half a ton of books? Aren’t we like super deep in a cave?”

“That’s an excellent point,” Apple points out, but Kylie cuts her off.

“Wait, you want me to believe some nerd fantasy hobbit librarians convinced a hot, sexy, single centipede lady to protect their old books?”

“They probably offered dental and a match. It’s real in these fantasy streets,” Elsa says.

“Actually, that’s explained,” Apple begins, but Cassie is talking over her.

“And hang on, the cave is super wet and damp and stuff, and I mean, we just melted a bunch of ice, is that really how you want to store books? You know what I mean? Like, the boxes are wood. How mad are we gonna be if we open these boxes and it’s all moldy? A real librarian would never do this.”

“What do you know about real librarians?” Elsa asks.

“I volunteered at the 10th Street Branch all year when I was in 7th grade.”

“Oh, look at you,” Elsa says.

“Yes. I am a good citizen. What are we doing again?”

“Breaking the boxes open,” Kylie says at once.

“What if there’s an evil curse?” Colby asks.

Elsa rocks back dangerously in her chair. “Why would there be an evil curse, Colby?”

“It’s just the type of situation where we want to be cautious about that, that’s all,” Colby replies defensively.

“I don’t think so,” Cassie counters. “Librarians want people to read. They aren’t gonna put stuff in the way. Shit, they’ll curse you if you don’t read.”

“They put the horny centipede lady in the way,” Elsa reminds her.

“OK, look. Look,” Cassie says, shaking a finger. “I got some problems with these librarians. First, what kind of librarian doesn’t want you to read the books? And first—first—first, what kind of funding do these guys have, right? Look at this.” She pulls the map over and jabs it with her finger. “What is a league?”

“Three miles,” Colby says.

“So, they shipped this shit one billion miles, and it’s huge packages and stuff, so that cost like so much money. Then they got the centipede lady running security, and you know she ain’t coming cheap,” Cassie says.

Elsa nods. “She’s got a mortgage and two cats to feed and a dating website membership to pay for.”

“That’s what I’m saying. That’s what I’m saying. Who’s paying for this? The—the taxpayers in Tampa?”

“Tanmuth,” Apple says.

“Yeah, them. Who’s paying for this?”

“Yeah, Apple,” Elsa piles on. “What’s up with these loaded librarians? It’s not super realistic.”

Apple begins to sweat again.

Colby frowns. “I don’t know that realism is what we want to fixate on in a story where,” but she’s cut off by Cassie.

“And the taxpayers, do they know that these librarians are putting priceless old books in damp caves? I mean, we got magical walls of ice, and we can’t have magical climate and temperature control? I’m all for a well-funded public library system, but these guys don’t know what the hell they’re doing. Right?” she asks Kylie.

“Don’t look at me, I wanted to play strip Twister,” Kylie says.

Colby turns worriedly to Apple, who appears close to a meltdown. “Guys, we’re taking a break. Ten minute break. I wanna pee, Apple’s gonna put on a clean shirt, and then we’re gonna decide what to do with the books. And you guys should eat something or drink some water or something because you’re gonna have a headache tomorrow. Maybe some Gatorade. OK?” Colby smiles at them.

That is beyond reasonable.

“Lady Charlotte should get her burly demon boytoy to come carry the books out,” Kylie mutters, popping her back alarmingly once she’s on her feet. She fans herself. “Why am I hot and nobody else is hot?”

“You probably have Covid, and find another way to say it. Dumbass Barbie looking motherfucker,” Elsa says, strolling out of the room.

“She’s like Shakespeare,” Kylie yawns and follows, leaving Cassie, Colby, and Apple.

Colby puts her arm around Apple’s shoulders and squeezes encouragingly.

“There’s lore reasons for all of it,” Apple says, sounding close to tears.

“I know. You’re doing a good job. It’s not as cool as the library one, but that’s just a really cool setting.”

“The writer stole it from a video game,” Apple whispers.

“No kidding? What game?”

“It’s very old. I think he thought nobody would remember it.”

“But you remember?”

“My aunt does.”

“I bet your aunt’s cool. Gonna get your shit together?”

Apple looks determined. “I will.”

“I’ll be the party leader, OK? A very authoritative Iris. I know how to get them to do what we need to do. Iris is taking charge. I’ll get it on track. Don’t worry.”

Apple seems moved. “Thank you.”

“Maybe work in something where Iris has a chance to strap down Beatrix? Because that would be pretty sick,” Colby says, patting the blushing Apple’s shoulder and getting to her feet. “I’m getting one of those frozen wine coolers. You want one?”

“No, thank you.”

Colby goes, and it’s just Cassie and Apple.

Apple smiles at her. “Thanks for coming.”

“Thanks for having me. I’m having a great time,” Cassie says. It’s at least half-true, although that shoey is definitely hitting.

She probably won’t get a better chance than this. On the other hand, it seems like Apple needs some support.

Go and take pictures while the going is good?

Or help Apple figure out her shit?