S-ENF-028 - STOLEN CLOTH

Item #: S-ENF-028
Object Designation: Stolen Cloth

"Not a single pair."

"No."

"Anywhere. In the entire facility."

"That's right."

Carol Song sat down, feeling a little uncomfortable in her tight leopard-print yoga pants. That and a purple sports bra was all she wore to cover her curvaceous frame. "Those pixies really did a number on us," she said.

"You're telling me," said Dr. Angela Sharpe, head of the Statistics Department. The slim blonde wore nothing but a high-cut bright yellow one-piece swimsuit, and she didn't look too happy about it. "Not only did they steal every single pair of panties in the Foundation, they robbed most of our other clothes as well. It's as if they were deliberately trying to get us to come to work in the silliest outfits possible."

"I wish less men worked here," said Carol, as Miguel from Theoretical Malevolence strolled by, openly leering at the girls in nightgowns and hotpants who scurried through the corridors of the building. "Why don't the pixies target them for a change?"

"There's a very good scientific explanation for that. Dr. Lucent is publishing a paper on it next month. She really is bright, you know. We're lucky to have her."

"Hey!" Thelma Pinkley stumbled into the cafeteria, holding the hem of her sweater down. It was just long enough to cover her hips, and almost all of her bottom, although when she pulled it down in front it had a nasty tendency to ride up in back. "This isn't acceptable! Security, you need to do something about this!"

"Yeah," said Emilia, coming up behind her, looking very uncomfortable in an abbreviated French maid costume. "Come on, Carol. It's the second time this week."

"Not funny," sniffed Melissa Cifuentes, looking adorable in her bunny-rabbit pajamas with the drop seat that wouldn't stay buttoned up. "I had to walk to work like this!"

"It's ridiculous," complained Penelope Khan, in a tutu and ballet flats, with a rainbow-striped woollen scarf tied around her breasts as a bandeau. "Who's going to get my knickers back? I paid for those!"

"Calm down, ladies." Carol raised a hand for quiet, and was immediately besieged by a squad of clamoring women in tube tops and Daisy Dukes and lederhosen and cheerleader uniforms. "Listen, nobody likes the pixies, but I promise you Security is working overtime to find your underwear. Until then, we'll just have to put up with it. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Hey," said Dr. Blithe, stepping into the room. "I don't mean to alarm anyone, but I've just opened a portal to the nether realms, and it looks like Yog-Spankoth is headed for an extended stay in our dimension. But you should be fine, as long as you're all wearing panties."

"Uh-oh."