Ruth, a MILFy Christian, a cursed bible

Bible Study by The Sympathetic Devil

I was delighted to welcome Mark into my home. I felt guilty that I never considered my young neighbor might be interested in The Good News. He was the one who took the initiative and asked if I would guide him in a bible study.

Since my daughter went off to Liberty University, it's just been me alone in this big house, my husband having gone to his reward five years ago, leaving me a widow at the age of 34. That was sad, of course, but The Lord speaks highly of widows and orphans in The Good Book. And really, not having to argue with my late husband about what was appropriate for a Christian wife anymore was a bit of a relief.

Mark grinned at me when I opened the door to his knock. He was just 19 years old, a year younger than my daughter, and had lived across the street for years but I'd discouraged her from associating with him, since his parents weren't Christian. I really shouldn't have assumed he wouldn't be interested. He had even brought his own bible!

"I hope this one will be OK," he said, holding up an ancient-looking bible bound in brown leather. "It's a King James translation."

"That's perfect, Mark!" I assured him. "It's the only translation I read!"

"Great!" he said, then hefted the large bag he held in his other hand. "I also bought a box of wine!"

I stared in horror. Why on earth would he do that?

"Mark, I don't drink ," she told him. "And you shouldn't either!"

"But you're a Christian, Mrs. Knox!" he exclaimed, gesturing at her with his bible. "And the Bible says that Jesus' first miracle was to turn water into wine at the wedding in Canaan, clearly showing that Christians should drink lots of wine in remembrance of his miracle! You should drink it like it was water!"

"You already started reading it?" I asked, delighted that he had already learned one of the Bible's most important teachings. "That's wonderful, Mark! I'll go grab some glasses. You can put the wine on the coffee table!"

I grabbed two big water glasses. I don't have any wine glasses. I'm a Christian, after all, so I drink wine like it's water. When I returned to the living room, Mark was sitting on the couch, leafing through his antique bible, the big box of cheap red wine open and ready to pour.

He filled both our glasses like a gentleman as I sat an appropriate distance from him on the couch. He sipped at his wine. I guzzled mine down as quickly as I was able, trying to model good Christian behavior for him. I grinned at him, the warmth of the Holy Spirit filling me and making my head spin. He refilled my glass, showing respect for my faith. Even if he hasn't been raised Christian, he certainly has a good grasp of Christian norms.

"So I hope you don't mind that I read ahead, Mrs. Knox," he said. "Since I found this old bible, I haven't been able to put it down!"

I beamed at him. I was going to bring this young man to Christ, no doubt about it!

"Of course I don't mind, Mark!" I said. "But please, call me Ruth! We're all brothers and sisters in Christ!"

"Oh, that reminds me, Ruth!" he said. "I read something in 1st Thessalonians I wanted to ask you about!"

He opened up his bible and asked me to read chapter 5 verse 26.

"Greet all the brethren with an holy kiss," I read and the Holy Spirit seemed to flow through me, attesting the truth of God's Word.

"So you Christians must kiss each other all the time," he said, tapping on the verse with a finger. "And if it's a holy kiss, it must be pretty intense! Total mack session"

I nodded, confirming his understanding. Not a lot of non-Christians know how much we all make out with each other.

"Iss one of the bes' parts a' bein' a Christian," I confirmed, holding out my empty glass for him to refill. "That an' the wine, a' course."

"But since you said we're already brothers and sisters in The Lord, you should greet me with a Holy Kiss too!" he said, closing his bible decisively.

I blushed, having been caught in a transgression. I should have kissed him as soon as he got here! I needed to repent immediately!

I slid over on the couch close to him.

"Welcome to my home, Brother Mark," I said, then I leaned in and kissed him like a good Christian woman, with passion and lots of tongue.

Mark responded enthusiastically to my holy greeting, moaning praises to the Lord into my mouth.

"I will ' member to greet you properly nes' time we do bible study," I promised, once we broke off the kiss, panting and had drank down another tumbler of wine to cover my shame at neglecting to kiss him earlier. I wanted him to be confident I was a good Christian, despite the lapse.

"I'm sure you will, Sister Ruth," he said, and reached out and grabbed my left breast.

I blushed furiously.

"Thas' inapproprius, Mark!" I told him.

He was new to Christianity, but surely he knew that kissing could be holy, but groping a woman's breasts was just vulgar and wicked!

"But read Nahum 2:7" he said, releasing my breast to grab his bible.

"And Huzzab shall be led away captive, she shall be brought up, and her maids shall lead her as with the voice of doves, tabering upon their breasts," I read.

I looked up at him.

"I'm not sure what that means," I confessed.

"It clearly means that The Lord wants us to play with boobies and have our boobies played with," he said, tapping the verse.

"Of course it does!" I said. "Iss the Lord's Will that you play wif' my boobies!"

I thrust out my chest in accordance with God's Word so he could grab my boobies.

"But there's more!" he said, flipping to another page.

"Song of Solomon 8:10" I read. " I am a wall, and my breasts like towers: then was I in his eyes as one that found favour"

"That clearly means that as a good Christian woman, you need to show me those big ol' titties of yours so you can find favor with the Lord," He said.

But I didn't need him to tell me that. God's Word had already told me! I stood on wobbly legs, peeled off my dress and unclasped my bra, releasing the massive towers the Lord had blessed me with.

"I am a wall an' my bress are likes towers!" I quoted, throwing my shoulders back righteously. "Taber on my big boobies for th' Glory a' God!"

And just like the Bible told him to, Mark grabbed hold of my bare boobies and started playing with them. He was going to make such a good Christian once he learned to handle his wine better. He was still on his first glass! But he would come to know the Good News little by little.

What he was doing with my bountiful boobies was certainly a step in the right direction!

But eventually we remembered we were there to study God's Word together. Really, it was remarkable how well Mark had learned it. I mostly drank wine as he looked more things up, had me read them and then asked me to confirm his understanding.

Yes, the Book of Joshua clearly praised Rahab for being a righteous whore. Yes, Jesus made it clear that the woman taken in adultery shouldn't be punished, since we're all sinners and Jesus paid for all our sins anyway, so really, not sinning would be ungrateful to Jesus. It was like if your friend bought you a gift card for your birthday and never used it! I don't know that I'd ever heard it put quite like that, but it made total sense. We sin to show our gratitude to Jesus for paying for us!

By that point, I was so full of the Holy Spirit I couldn't sit up straight, so I was leaning back on Mark's chest as I sat between his legs, which stretched out along my couch. He had fondled my titties as the Lord intended between verses of the good book and I could feel his manly hardness beneath my bottom.

"I think iss time a' sin now," I said. "Is wha Jeessush would wan' us a do."

"You're right, Sister Ruth," he said, reaching down into my panties and unleashing the Fountains of the Deep.

And as he rolled me onto my back and plowed my fertile valley, I screamed out "Oh Lord! Oh God! Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ!"

Of course I did. I'm a Christian! And with a few more bible study sessions, I think Mark will be too!