Run for student government.

You decide to try your hand at campus politics. You recall from orientation that the student government office is in the administrative building. You stroll out into bright sunlight and past the sunbathing girls, letting your eyes linger on their firm breasts and flat stomachs a bit longer than is strictly appropriate. You follow the concrete path through the maze of buildings, passing more sunbathers and a couple games of hacky-sack and Frisbee. Eventually, you find the administrative building.

When you enter the building you are met by a cool gush of air-conditioned air. It takes a second for your eyes to adjust to the dim light. A slim woman with graying brown hair, and small reading spectacles, probably in her 50s, greets you, “Can I help you?” A sign on her desk identifies her as Miss Jonstone. You say you’re looking for the student government office and she indicates a door at the end of the hall with a jerk of her head. You thank her and walk down the hall.

Even before you enter the office you can hear screaming. It’s clear there’s a fight inside the office. You’re about to leave, but you get a hold of yourself, deciding that a career in politics requires bold, decisive action. You open the door and see two people, a guy and a girl, standing about two feet apart both glaring angrily at each other. They both look as if they could have come from an Abercrombie ad. The guy stood about 6’4” and had short, blond hair and blue eyes. He was wearing well-pressed khaki slacks, a button-down shirt, and an argyle sweater-vest. It was clearly his turn to speak, or scream, when you had walked in. He turned towards you and immediately re-gained his composure. His scowl turned to a toothy smile as he said, “Sorry about that, slight disagreement. I’m George Carter, senior class president and head of the student government. And this,” he turned to indicate the girl next to him, with just a small flash of malice in his eyes, “is Suzanne Madison.” She is tall too, probably just under 6’. She too had blond hair, shoulder length, and blue eyes. She wore a pink cardigan over a white tank-top that covered her amble breasts. She had a billowy white knee-length skirt and pink sandals. Her pale face was a deep shade of red, and her red eyes suggested she may have been crying.

“Senior class vice president,” she said curtly.

“Now what can we do for you?” cut in George. You explain you want to run for a position as a freshman student representative. George seems enthusiastic as he seats you in front of a computer terminal in the office. He explains that because of some inappropriate advertising in the past, there is a set form for underclassmen advertisements. All you have to do is fill in some basic information like your name and major platform points. Once this is done, the program will automatically print 1000 cards for you to hand out on campus. He hands you a binder and explains that it has the rules, regulations, and procedures for student government. “Once you’ve finished creating the cards, go ahead and read that,” he instructed. “I’ll go wait in the printing office and bring your copies back to you.”

He walked out, and although he continued to smile, it was clear he was more than happy to have an excuse to leave Suzanne’s presence. Suzanne sat down at a desk in the back of the office and began work on another computer. Every so often you could still hear her back a sob. It doesn’t take long for you to finish the form and you wonder what to do.

You could ask Suzanne what is wrong. You could also read the binder like George instructed. Or you could go to the printing office to collect your fliers and get out of there as quickly as possible.