Recall(SS)

Looking at that receptionist made me think back to my own past. Ever since I was little I hated being a girl. I watched as all the boys got everything they ever wanted while I got nothing and was told that was normal.

Sex was all around growing up, but I never noticed it for a long while. It was just naturally part of the world like people walking their dogs or riding a bike it was just something you see almost everyday.

The first time I took notice to it was when me and my mother were walking out of the grocery store. I looked over to see a women on a bench. I couldn't tell exactly what was happening but the girl was crying and seemed to be in alot of discomfort. As i kid internally I questioned why no one was helping her, but even then i should have known.

When we arrived home I questioned my mother on the events outside the store. She explained to me that "it was a womans duty to help men and that sometimes that means helping a man with your body". Not fully understanding i asked " do men help women too" my mother sighed "not usually no"

"But dad helps you?" I questioned. "That's different your father and I married before the laws saying women needed to use their bodies to help men to effect so without your father's express permission no man can use my body" At my age i couldn't fully comprehend what my mother was trying to say.

"So when i get married the boys can't use my body". My mom paused for a moment and got down to my level contemplating her next words "honey I don't want you to get your hopes up for getting married it was a really common thing when your dad and I were growing up, but guys don't really look for wives anymore."

"Well when i grow up I won't let boys use my body" in my ignorance i didn't realize the gravity of that statement, but even back then i could feel the tone of the conversation shift suddenly. My mom grabbed me by the shoulders squeezing them almost to the point of pain

"Alexandra! Listen to me when you grow up and a guy asks to use your body if you're not married you must do as he asks even if it hurts or you don't want to the consequences for not doing what he says are awful imagine the worst possible thing in the world it's worse than that. You need to promise me when you grow up you will listen and do what they say! "

I'll never forget that moment, it terrified me to my very core. From then on I detested boys. The older i got the worse it got. I despised the way they looked at me even before high school they would look and talk about turning 18 and what they would do to me and other girls. I hated it I hated being a girl.

When I first hit high school I started having the desire to fit in with boys. Not so much because I wanted to be like them than i didn't want to be a girl. It started with cutting my hair short, then buying boys clothes, and talking like them.

It worked for the most part even people who knew me had to think twice. Guys stopped looking at me so much. For a couple years I was invisible wasn't really a guy, but not really a girl either. Problems started to arise by the time I hit puberty.

For obvious reasons my disguise was becoming less and less effective. I blame my well endowed mother. Soon regardless of how short my hair was or how many boys clothes I bought it was clear I was a girl. My boobs didn't stop for three years hitting a C cup by my senior year. Most girls would be happy, but they only served to remind me I was a girl. Ultimately they would be by downfall...

I suddenly realised i had been standing in an empty hall for far too long. I gathered myself and took a quick look around. To my relief nobody seemed to be in deserted hallway.