Quickly sit on the sofa

You realize you do not have time to make it back to your room, so you quickly dash into the living room, grab a book off the coffee table, and sit on the sofa. You get in position just as the door opens, and you see two young men walk through the door.

At first you think you might be imagining things. The boys look almost exactly alike. That’s when you realize it is the twin brothers, Aron and Bryan. One of them is talking as they enter.

“...so then I called Terese, but she is in Canada with some friends. I figured you had a date, or I would have grabbed the tickets, but I didn’t want to go alone.”

The other boy responds. “I wish you had. I was at Marc’s, but he’s coming down with something, and I didn’t want to catch it. The flu is one thing a condom doesn’t protect against....”

He cuts off his answer as the boys notice you on the sofa. The first boy smiles and says, “You must be Tomika! We’re your brothers for the next few months!”

He introduces himself as Aron and the second one as Bryan. Even with that introduction, you can’t tell them apart. Not only do they look and sound alike, but they are wearing ideantical jeans, t-shirts and tennis shoes. Even the rips in the knees of the jeans are identical. They notice you looking back and forth in puzzlement, and laugh. Bryan seems to read your mind and says, “Don’t worry ... you aren’t the first who can’t tell the difference. Even Mom gets us mixed up. If you don’t know which one you’re talking to, just ask. There are differences, but they’re mainly on the inside.”

The three of you sit down in the living room, and you introduce yourself. One of them asks if their mother left you home alone. Before you can answer, a steady, rhythmic thumping begins, originating from her room.

The boys look at each other knowingly and grin. “Sounds like Mom is entertaining company. Any idea who it is?” asks Aron.

“A young man named Tom. He seemed to have a —“ you struggle for the right way to say it, “— a problem he wanted her help with.” You feel yourself blushing.

Aron laughs. “I’ll bet he did. I’ll bet it’s a real big problem. And a hard one, too.”

“Probably quite hard,” Aron agrees, “but not nearly as big as you might think.”

You look quizzically at the boys. Bryan catches your look and says, “He came to Candy with a problem a while ago and it was more than she could deal with, so they recruited me. Let’s just say I got face-to-face with his problem and can attest to its size.”

“You must not have been any good with it,” says Aron in a teasing voice, “or he wouldn’t be talking to Mom about it.”

“Oh, I think he’d tell you I was pretty good with it. I worked on that problem all night long and came to pretty good resolution — three times, if I remember. He just wouldn’t follow my advice to put that problem away in a deep, dark place and bury it. That’s why he’s still looking for answers.”

Aron finds the explanation hilarious, but you are more confused than ever. You also wonder how the boys can so easily ignore the sounds coming from their mother’s room.

You try to change the topic. “I didn’t expect to be able to meet you until tomorrow. Your mother thought you would be home later.”

“We thought so, too,” said Aron, “but our plans changed. I had a chance to go to a concert tonight, but I couldn’t get a date. If I’d known you were here already, I’d have offered to take you. Have you ever been to a concert?”

“Oh, my parents have taken me to many concerts. I particularly love orchestral productions!”

“Yeah, this would’ve been a bit different from an orchestra,” says Aron. “The band is called The Pierced Nipples. I don’t think they play a lot of Motzart or Bach.”

Bryan laughs and asks, “Do you think Bach had any groupies, and if he did, were they called Bach Stage Boys?”

You aren’t sure what a “groupie” is but you understand enough to appreciate the pun, and you laugh appreciatively. “I do hope to get to see an American concert while I am here. I want to soak up as many cultural experiences as possible.”

Bryan says, “Well, we can definitely make that happen. Consider us your social calendar planners. I see that you are already broadening your horizons with American literature.” He looks at the book in your hand. For the first time you examine the book you grabbed so hastily when you hurried to sit down. It’s title is “Highland Hijinks” and the picture on the cover shows a muscular, shirtless man, apparently from Scotland. He is wearing a kilt and has two scantily-clad, large-breasted women draped over each shoulder. From between his legs, there is the face of a third woman, peeking up from under his kilt.

You blush and quickly set the book down. “I wasn’t reading it,” you protest. “I just picked it up to see what there was to read.”

Bryan says, “You should read it. It’s good. I have the sequel in my room. Help yourself. We kinda have an open door policy around here.”

As if on cue, you hear Tom’s voice coming down the hall, “Oh, Marsha! I’m not gonna he able to hold it much longer!” In response you hear her voice, in a husky gasp, “Don’t you dare pull out! Keep it RIGHT — THERE!!!” Loud, determined thumps punctuate each of her last two words.

You feel your face burning from embarrassment, and the boys clearly see it.

“Well, it’s too late to get concert tickets, but we can certainly get you started on American culture,” says Aron. “How ‘bout if Bryan and I take you out and show you the nightlife here?”

“But you just came in for the night,” you protest.

“That’s because we couldn’t find a charming, beautiful lady to accompany us. We’d love to take our new sister out and introduce her to America.”

Your initial reservations about being called a charming, beautiful lady are calmed by his reference to you as “sister.” Obviously this is not a date, if the boys have brotherly intentions toward you. You are very tired, but the awkwardness of what is going on in Mom Lutz’s room has woken you up a bit. It might be fun to go out and get to know your new brothers. If you do, though, you need to dress appropriately.