Quahog

Ungodly loud noise coming from the street rings out through the neighborhood, sending a wave of annoyance through the sane residents who haven’t been chased out yet. Babies cry, people yell, and the whole neighborhood sighs, knowing that infamous moron, Peter Griffin, is at it again. I glare up at the ceiling, knowing that I’ve already woken up too much to go back to sleep and not by any fault of my own. “Fuck, me. I have to get out of this fucking neighborhood.”

I **** myself to get out of bed and get dressed, thoughts of finally breaking down and moving miles away or even just knocking Peter out filling my head as I head down to the kitchen to make myself some coffee. The cacophony of annoying sounds still pierces its way through the walls and into my house and fills my ears, slowly pushing me closer and closer to the brink of insanity. My attention turns to the front-facing window next to me, as my idiot neighbor causes chaos with blatant disregard to everyone else around him.

I stare at him for a moment, almost trying to kill him with my eyes, when I hear my coffee maker turn off. I pour the whole pot into a travel cup and mix in sugar and some creamer, before I stop myself. God, caffeine isn’t gonna be enough to get me through today, is it? I shake my head and put the creamer back, before taking out a bottle of Irish Cream and making the rest of my coffee with that.

The street outside goes deadly quiet, nearly sending a chill up my spine. I look out the window, luckily not seeing anything of note, not that it calms my nerves any. Like the calm before the storm. I shake my head and take a drink of my coffee, trying to steady myself. The taste of whisky hits me full-**** at first, before settling in and blending with the rest of the flavors in the drink. “Oh. Yeah, that’s it. Fuck, that’s good.”

After taking a few more drinks of my coffee, I head to the door, knowing that I’ll have to deal with the madness around me eventually. I grab my phone, wallet, and keys, before heading outside. My eyes go wide at the sight of the street in front of me almost completely destroyed. What the fuck happened out here? Bits of asphalt, pavers, and concrete from curbs that got caught in the crossfire rest across the street.

I step off the steps going up to my door down onto the sidewalk, my curiosity pulling me closer to the wreckage in front of me. Jesus Christ. How can one man do that much damage by himself? Holy fuck. I wander closer to the hole in the street, absentmindedly kicking around chunks of material as I go. My eyes scan around my surroundings for a moment, looking out for cars, as I drink more of my coffee.

“Hey,” a familiar voice calls from in front of me. I look up to see one of my neighbors on the sidewalk waving at me.