Pulled Apart

The weather was nice today, though Chloe might disagree. The breeze kept blowing her hair into her face, which she kept trying to fix, only to be foiled by another gust. Her fingers combed through the strands with increasing frustration, a futile battle against nature that I found endearing. The spike of annoyance wasn’t enough to diminish the joy in her Noise. I don’t know if it was returning to our original spot away from the excess Noise of others, or the feelings radiating from her that I was enjoying more. Her Noise was certainly more robust today. It wasn’t fundamentally different than usual, only more intense.

Her Noise had always been a warm, complex symphony to me—layers upon layers of feeling that changed with her moods. Today there were new notes woven through the familiar melody, bright threads of something I hesitated to analyze too closely.

She finally surrendered to the indomitable breeze, letting out an annoyed huff before focusing on me. “You aren’t going to ask?”

Was there a need to? Alexis’ Noise had been hard to ignore when she returned. Conflicted as she was, there was enough positivity there to know she’d enjoyed their time together, and considering Chloe’s positive mood, there was a high chance it was mutual. “I don’t know if it is appropriate or not.”

A look crossed her face, as if saying, ‘Are you kidding me?’

“I don’t want you to feel that you have to report to me about your relationship with Alexis. That’s between you two, and I trust your judgement.” The words came out perfectly measured, my tone calibrated for reassurance. Perhaps that was a slight lie. While I didn’t feel desire to have her check in or tell me about things with her and Alexis, that hadn’t stopped me from examining her Noise when she joined me. It wasn’t the usual look either. I had definitely dug deeper than what I usually did, looking for any sign that something fundamental had shifted. Not seeing anything different had relieved a pressure in my chest, one I was rather hesitant to admit was there. Chloe was still Chloe.

My Chloe.

The possessive thought arrived unbidden. Unusual. Something to think on later.

Her expression triggered me to take in her Noise. Disappointment? Fear?

Irritation.

My gaze fell. Chloe’s expression had shifted in the brief glance away, catching me looking at her Noise. It softened as she let out a long breath. “Cheater.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No. Yes.” She mumbled the words. “I don’t know.”

“I’m here if you do.”

She chewed on her sandwich, buying time. The rhythmic motion of her jaw, the small creases that formed between her eyebrows as she deliberated—I absorbed these details with my usual precision. Mostly to keep myself grounded on her reality and not my own. Distracting as her Noise might be, it was important to share this space with her.

“It feels weird talking about this with you. I know you don’t care in the traditional sense, but you’re my boyfriend and here I am talking about... someone else. I don’t have anyone else though, since Alexis is kinda the extent of my close friend network. I mean, there is Natalie, but Alexis is her sister and no way am I subjecting her to that. Mom? Hell no.” She paused a moment. “I guess there is Victoria, but while she’s been friendly, she still feels more like Alexis’ friend than mine.”

I waited for her to continue, but she withdrew into her thoughts. I took the opportunity to reflect on the moment. This was the first time we were bumping up against boundaries, or at least getting a feel for potential ones. How much did I want to know? I doubted the two had gotten up to anything wild. Chloe had wanted something casual for their first date. So the question now was how much did I want to know? A difficult one to answer.

Curiosity from the perspective of being supportive was certainly there. Chloe clearly wanted to have someone to talk to about it, and I was her normal support pillar—a role I was content with playing. Yet I knew after all this time, she still held herself back. Not nearly as much as she used to, but I knew she remained uncomfortable with discussing frustrations arising from other men she slept with. Being **** with talking to me about intimacy with Alexis wasn’t anything out of the norm for her.

Jealousy certainly wasn’t a factor in this, at least at the moment. Things would certainly change once Alexis and I started building our own relationship. Would Chloe be jealous? Would she want to know?

I made a decision, opting to push things.

“How did it go?”

She seemed a bit surprised, brushing hair from her face once more. Her eyes fell away. “Fine.”

More ****. Another nudge then.

“Alexis was a ball of anxiety wrapped in barely controlled panic when she left.”

Chloe’s giggles sent a wonderful ripple through her Noise. “Yeah, she was definitely nervous. I was too, but once we sat down and started talking…”

An undercurrent of worry grabbed my attention. A discordant note in the otherwise harmonious flow of her emotions, subtle but unmistakable. “What’s wrong?”

She opened her mouth, paused, then gave me a suspicious look. “I thought you said you didn’t want a report.”

“I said you don’t have to feel like you have to give me one, not that I didn’t want it.” My hand took hers, giving it a squeeze. The physical contact modified her Noise instantly, a phenomenon I'd observed countless times but never tired witnessing. “I am here for you when you need it. Don’t want to talk about something? That’s fine, just tell me it’s private. But when you do want someone to lend an ear, I’ll always be here for you.”

There was a pink tint to her cheeks. “Even if it’s about someone else?”

I gave her a smile, hoping to ease her worries. “Just because you love someone else doesn’t change or lessen the love you have for me.”

My words sank in and she smiled. That was the final nudge as she opened up, spilling her thoughts and feelings about Alexis and their date as she went through the timeline. How she was worried their ‘love’ was just mistaken friendship. That she was relaxed and comfortable around Alexis, yet concerned that there wasn’t a noticeable ‘spark,’ or rather, one she didn’t recognize.

Yet that all changed when she invited Alexis up. By this point, I expected her to shy away from the details as she always did, but it was like a dam had burst and there was no stopping the deluge of feelings and thoughts that spilled from her. Any concerns about her feelings for Alexis was gone when they kissed, yet those morphed into fears as Alexis’ Gift overwhelmed her. The confusion of not knowing what she was feeling, and what Alexis was.

“It was a better when she stopped using her Gift. There was still some lingering feelings, but I’m pretty sure what I was feeling was my own emotions.” She looked down at her hands. “Being with her, um, physically was…” I waited, ignoring the emotional ripples of her Noise as she struggled to find the emotion she wanted to express. “Different.”

That wasn’t the word I was expecting considering the strength of her emotions. Her Noise contradicted her verbal understatement, radiating with intensity that suggested an experience far beyond ‘different.’ They were roiling around, often conflicting with one another. It seemed we’d arrived at the source of her troubles—or the one bothering her most.

“Did you not enjoy it?”

“Oh, no. I mean, yes, I did! Very much.” Her cheeks were bright red, a warmth coming from her. “It was all so intense. I know things get passionate when my Gift kicks in, but this was different. I was aware of it all, her emotions right there mirroring mine, reacting to them at the start. Not to mention Alexis was, uh, skilled. Probably the best—” Her Noise spiked, eyes widening as she closed her mouth with a click. I raised an eyebrow, which only caused her blush to deepen. “Sorry.”

“For what?” I scooted closer to her, arms touching.

Her voice was low, head down as she stared at the half-eaten sandwich in her hand. “I don’t want you to think—”

“I’m neither jealous or threatened. I, better than anyone, know how you feel about me.”

“This wasn’t some casual sex I normally have, Jake. It was different. Something I… wanted.” She closed her eyes, looking away. “It was what I wanted, yet I couldn’t help but feel…” A great swell of sorrow hit her. “Disgust? Shame?” There was confusion, as if she didn’t quite believe her words. “I don’t know. Not towards her. But...” A frustrated sound escaped her as she batted away the hair in her face. “Why do I feel like this? I knew what I was getting into, yet there’s this part of me that still struggles with it. Why? Is it because Alexis is a woman? I’ve never been attracted to a woman before. Is it her Gift that is making me feel this? Some misguided reflection of her feelings towards me?” A pause. “Is it you? This unshakable feeling that I’m betraying you by being with her. For feeling these things... The guilt of knowing now how something is missing from what we have.” Tears were forming as she looked at me. “I feel like I’m in over my head. No matter what I do, I’m going to fuck something up. Being with you, knowing that it will never be like what I have with Alexis. Being with her, and always feeling guilty that I’m not with you. That’s not even starting on her being a woman. I don’t even know where to start. I couldn’t even—”

Her voice was getting more frantic as her Noise swirled into a cacophony of emotions, stuck in a clear spiral. The stream of words ceased as I leaned towards her. My forehead touched hers, causing her eyes to widen. I did my best to make my voice soothing, trying to take the edge of my normally monotone voice.

“We are okay,” I said as my hand drifted down to her waist, holding her against me. That was the important thing she needed to know. Things might be changing, but she was still the same amazing woman she’d always been, and I was here for her just as she was here for me. Over time, hopefully Alexis would be included in what we had. “We all knew going into this that it would be difficult.”

“Knowing it’s difficult and experiencing it is completely different,” she mumbled, yet her Noise was already starting to calm.

“We’ll figure things out.” I hoped my voice conveyed a determined strength to give her something to latch onto. I had faith in her. Even Alexis to a degree. She could be stubborn about things. Provided she aligned with the goals Chloe and I were trying to reach, I could see her coming around to things. “We agreed to take things at whatever pace is needed. No use trying to **** things along.”

She nodded and pulled away, a small smile on her face. “Thanks, Jake.”

I causally brushed hair from her face, allowing me to fully look into her eyes. With a relatively good feeling about her Noise, I decided to attempt humor with a little tease—a dangerous gamble considering it didn’t always land but… No risk, no reward?

“This has to work out,” I started, getting a surprised spike in her Noise as she reacted to the unexpected emotion in my voice. “Two incredibly hot women is a fantastic start to my har—” I didn’t get to finish, the sandwich she’d been holding stuffed into my mouth with surprising ****. I might have forgotten about that. A miscalculation.

“Pig.”

Despite the situation, her Noise was singing.

That was what mattered.