Process your thoughts

You watch Maria walk back in to the clinic until the doors close behind her. Turning, you walk briskly back to your rental car, the exhilaration of a big sale putting a spring in your step. You pack away your things, then climb into the driver's seat and close the door.

"YES!" you say loudly to nobody in particular, doing a fist pump. Then you sit still, taking deep breaths. You have learned over time that it's not a good idea to drive immediately following a big sale, because you behave like an aggressive lunatic. Breathe in. Breathe out. You put your hands on the steering wheel and close your eyes.

When your eyes close, the image of Maria's cleavage springs into your mind. No matter. Breathe in. Breathe out. You remember the clarity and strength of the thoughts running through your head in that moment. Breathing deeply and slowly, you keep your eyes closed, and the sequence plays forward. You again see Maria's legs ascending the stairs, her ass high in the air with the rest of her bent over, her hip brushing against you as you hid your erection with the goodie bag.

Erection. The thought, the word, brings to mind Kate's request, or more accurately demand, that you report the cause of every erection. Do I post about this? What would I even say? That I saw a moment of cleavage and my brain jumped to titfucking, or that I saw her walking from behind, fully clothed, and I imagined her on her back with her legs in the air? Is this a thing I want to do, a person I want to be? You sit, eyes closed, breathing deeply, and consider. Everything in your head feels adrift, untethered, and fuzzy. Well, I can always post later. Maybe something will shake out over time. But what to do until then?

When in doubt, follow routine. You have a presentation tomorrow that you've not fully prepped, so you might as well get it out of the way. You also don't have anywhere to be until tomorrow morning, so you decide to just drive around and see what you pass. You start the car and drive out of the parking lot, and just start taking random turns, generally sticking to larger streets. Eventually you pass a strip mall that has a sandwich place in it, and pull in.

You bring in your prep materials and order a sandwich and a drink, then spend the next hour and change going over the background and research for tomorrow. This prospect looks even bleaker than the prospect did this morning, but then, you are reasonably certain you produced a sale this morning, so it's not absolutely hopeless. Eventually you feel that you are as familiar with the potential client as you can reasonably expect to be, and pack up your stuff to leave.

Walking into the parking lot, you notice an athletic wear store a few storefronts down the line. Exercise. Might as well do that too. You walk in to the store and peruse, eventually coming out with a cheap pair of running shoes, some extra shorts and shirts, a phone strap, exercise headphones, and a water bottle. Not knowing where else to go, you look up directions and drive back to the hotel. Housekeeping has not been through the room yet, so you strip the sweated-on sheets off the bed and the pillowcase off the pillow and set them all in a pile near the foot of the bed. After changing into your newly purchased clothes and shoes, you do some light online research and create a list of things you could at least attempt to do, fill up your water bottle, and head down to the exercise room.

The exercise room is again vacant. You start working through a list of body weight exercises on the floor mat, which progresses quickly from things which you at least recognize by name like push ups and lunges to totally foreign actions like "glute bridges" and "mountain climbers." Thankfully you are alone, because you are sure you look ridiculous, and each exercise generally begins awkwardly and ends embarrassingly early. Never the less, you work through the list, then sit leaning against a wall and catch your breath. No longer needing it to reference unfamiliar exercise technique instructions, you close your phone, take a final drink of water, and get on the treadmill.

Today, you don't turn on the television. Your general strategy is the same as yesterday's: run until you can't, then walk until you can run. You settle into the pattern, and you think.

You have 3 XP, -1 Hard, +3 Hot, +1 Cool, -1 Control, Cunnilingus and Old Habits Die Hard (2). Desire levels: Kate +0, Rachel -1.

What conclusion do you come to? Should you continue down the path you started yesterday, or should you try and restore what it was like before?