Bird, Brats, Booze, and Bibles

(1960’s Announcer Voice Over: “But Mean While Elsewhere in Gotham other things are afoot! What could these mean for the caped crusaders?”)

*

(In the swanky Batcheler pad of Alexander Knox the star reporter meets with his college Viki Vale over dinner…)

“Alex, are these napkins notes?” Viki asked as she looked at the papers under her box of take out Thai.

“Yeah, but these didn’t go anywhere,” Alex said, “Who would believe that the Justice League has Martians working for them… That’s just crazy talk.”

“Lane ran that interview where Superman claimed to be born on a dying planet?” Viki arched an eyebrow.

“And people called BS on her, same thing when Snapper did that interview with Wonder Woman and she claimed she was born during the Roman Empire,” Knox said as he readied a spoon full of rice from his box, “I am going to wait for Snapper to make that claim. Everyone already thinks I am nuts.”

There was a ping from Viki’s phone. She looked at it and rolled her eyes before putting her phone back down on the table and going back to eating.

“What was that?” Knox asked.

“Summer Gleeson,” Viki groaned, “She was asking if I was on a date with you.”

“Yeah, right,” Knox said.

Viki looked at Knox as she shoved a spoonful of rice into his mouth.

“What are we?” Viki asked with a nervous note to her voice, “How do you see us?”

“Viki,” Knox said as he chewed the rice, “You afraid I am just out to get in your panties?”

It was Viki’s turn to do a spit take. Knox smiled as he looked up at her.

“Relax Viki,” Knox smiled, “You are a friend, and a partner in crime, I have no want to be romantic with you, you are like my sister really. I want you to succeed. Besides, you are a pretty good investigative reporter, what do you see looking around this place?”

Viki looked around, she noticed a number of things.

“You are dating your contact in the police forensics lab?” Viki asked.

“Bingo, and if she suspected I was cheating on her,” Knox smirked, “I would be dead and the official report would be ‘Suicide,’ no matter how many blows to the back of my head there were.”

“So does she go over your apartment after I leave?” Viki asked.

“With a fine tooth comb…”

*

(Across town in the residence of Selina Kyle and her wards, the High class young socialites relax and await their guardian return…)

Holly let out a loud belch as she finished the can of diet Mountain Blast. Maven reached over and slapped the back of the blonde’s head.

“Hay,” Holly protested.

Maven took off her glasses and wiped them down with a cleaning towel.

“We are supposed to be a good influence for the young lady,” Maven said calmly.

“Hay Kitty,” Holly spoke up, “Don’t go drinking and driving. There, happy?”

“Lucky me, I am too young to do either,” Kitrina rolled her eyes.

“You are all business all the time, you know that?” Holly commented looking at Maven.

“That is why Miss Selina has me on her payroll,” Maven noted.

“Sure, that is why ‘Lina keeps you around,” Holly reached over and played with Maven’s auburn pony tail, “We know why she really keeps you around.”

“What’s that?” Kitrina asked.

“Miss Lynx here is impossible for the suits to read,” Holly said, “And when she asks to be excused during a meeting, she wonders off to the staff break room of the company Lynx and ‘Lina are visiting and Lynx here listens in on all the gossip of the regular employees and reports it all back to ‘Lina later on.”

“It’s not polite to give away someone’s trade secrets,” Maven shook her head to free her hair from Holly’s fingers.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Holly smiled, “Kitty, come here. What do you think of Maven?”

Kitrina looked the auburn haired young woman sitting on the couch next to the blonde. While the Blonde was showing off her body in the skin tight pink leggings and a black spandex long sleave shirt, Maven was hiding her body behind loose grey sweat pants, black fuzzy slippers, and an old faded pink and white “Shriek’s” cat faced sweatshirt. With her glasses there was one word to describe how she looked.

“No offense, but you look like the nerds that the other girls in my school beat up,” Kitrina stated flatly.

“Thanks a lot,” Maven said.

“Ha,” Holly smiled, “Well what if she were to put on a little black dress with this figure?”

Holly pulled off Maven’s glasses with one had while reaching behind her and pulling her sweatshirt tight across her torso, and Kitrina was able to get a clear view of Maven’s slim waist and now pronounced bosom.

“I have to say, my uncles messed around with strippers that didn’t have as nice a body,” Kitrina shrugged.

“Ha,” Holly said before kissing Maven on the cheek.

“Give me back my glasses,” Maven reached for them.

“Yeah, but thing is,” Holly said as she handed back the eyewear, “Maven knows she has a sex kitten body, she knows how to use it, she can get just about any man or woman to come to her. But thing is, the Lynx here likes to hide in the background and hide behind stuffy suits and baggy sweats.”

Maven didn’t say anything but got up and turned to walk away to the kitchen. Holly reached out and pulled down Maven’s sweatpants showing off shiny black French cut panties and a garter belt with straps going down to shiny black thigh highs.

“Hay!” Maven snapped.

“You should see her sexy lingerie!” Holly chuckled.

*

(Across Gotham at the stately Gotham Academy, where the students are studying hard…)

Rose, Megan and Raven were going back and forth between bottles of Sports-Aide and shots of Jim Bean.

“So you two are superheroes?” Rose said.

“Junior superheroes,” Raven said, “Welcome to the Teen Titans.”

“You know this was coming when you got invited by urban legends,” Megan giggled.

“You passing throw solid objects,” Rose kissed Megan.

“I wasn’t kidding when I said I was an immigrant,” Megan kissed Rose again.

“Admittedly, we may have understated how far away our birthplaces were,” Raven did a shot.

“Let me guess,” Rose grabbed the bottle of Jim Bean, “Venus?”

“Mars,” Megan blushed.

“Mars?” Rose put a hand over her mouth to keep from shouting.

“Hay at least NASA can lend her a rocket to go home,” Raven shook from the burn of the whiskey.

“What does that mean?” Rose asked.

“You know Alex Jones and his ranting about interdimensional aliens?” Megan asked.

“I couldn’t dance to that remix like I could the ‘Gay Frogs’ one,” Rose said.

“I can’t call him crazy since he was right about me,” Raven shrugged.

“What about that Logan kid?” Rose asked.

“The shape shifter?” Megan asked.

“He is an Earthling,” Raven rolled her eyes, “He just acts like a space cadet.”

“He is a total space cadet,” Rose agreed.

*

(In the heart of the warehouse district, the paragons of justice and professionalism, Robin and Oracle, are on the lookout for nefarious activity…. Excuse me, we are recording… No, the Joker! No, stay back, stay back… he. He-he… he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-ha-ha-ha-HA-HA-HA-HA-AHHHHH…)

“You ever feel like you are a butt of a story?” Robin asked.

“No, but you are the butt of plenty of jokes,” Oracle responded, “Problem is you set yourself to be the punchline.”

“Whatever,” Robin shook his head, “Did you fart again?”

“No,” Oracle said, “I am tell you it is my glove on my thigh, see?”

Oracle ran her black rubbery hand over her thigh and reproduced the squeaking noises.

“You farted again,” Robin accused Oracle.

“I need to use my gold gloves until the thermal dampening layer is fixed,” Oracle rolled her eyes.

*

“You want to check in on him?” Nightwing asked as he landed next to Batgirl.

“Let’s see what he is making for who?” Batgirl shrugged.

Nightwing put a hand on his adopted sister. Both of the smiled at each other. Nightwing pointed an arm at another roof top and launched off as the line launcher pulled him into the night. Batgirl followed suit. The pair went leaping from building to building until they landed across the street from Jean-Paul Valley’s apartment. To the pair surprise, the blonde man wasn’t working on a prosthetic like he normally did in the evenings. Rather he was seated at a couch reading a book.

“What do you think he is reading?” Nightwing askes as he looked across with a pair of binoculars.

In the apartment across the street.

Across the street Jean-Paul made the sign of the cross and then went to kiss the page of the book. It was clear to see the silver cross on the front of the black leather cover and the words ‘Holy Bible.’ Jean-Paul then closed it and put it back on the table reverently. The pair watched as he got up and immediately scooted off to the hallway out of sight from the window.

“Where is he going?” Batgirl asked.

“Bathroom,” Nightwing noted calmly.

“What, no…” Batgirl said.

“Turn up your hearing,” Nightwing said, “He was doing the Pee-Pee room speed shuffle.”

“He is not rushing to the bathroom,” Batgirl said as she reached to her ear and turned down her power dampeners.

She heard the sounds of liquid splashing against the half full porcelain bowl. Jean-Paul sighed and then muttered an apology for rushing his reading of the last page of the chapter. Nightwing started smiling as Batgirl put her hand over her face.

“Shut up,” Batgirl muttered.

“I was right…” Nightwing snickered.

“Shut up,” Batgirl muttered.

After another three minutes, Jean-Paul walked back into the main room. He was wiping his hands off on his jeans.

“Tell me he washed his hands,” Nightwing noted.

“He did as well as flushing when he was done,” Batgirl said.

“Better than some people we know,” Nightwing noted.

Jean-Paul looked around and grabbed his cell phone and dialed a number.

The link up rang in Batgirl’s ear, she tapped it to connect to the call coming into Kara Wayne’s cell phone back in the manor.

“Hay Jean-Paul,” Kara’s smile came across her face under the black and silver batcowl, “What are you up to? Your mother would be proud… No I am serious, you said your mother was very religious so reading your bible would make her proud. Me? Well I am hanging out with my brother. His hot date canceled on him so he is bugging me. Jean-Paul says Hi Dick, he is waving while chortling like an immature brat. We are just trying to find something to watch. What are you going to do? Well get a good night’s sleep, I will talk to you after work tomorrow. Night Jean-Paul.”

Across the street, Jean-Paul hung up the phone and walked into the kitchen. Nightwing noted him get a glass of water, drink it and then wonder back to the bathroom.

“He is going to bed,” Batgirl noted.

*