Laying it all out

I was exhausted in every sense of the word but as always my thoughts were not letting me rest. I laid there thinking. Thinking about my physical pain. Thinking about my love for her. Thinking about how I was trapped in this and how best to proceed for both my physical well-being and my mental health. Thinking about her and if there was any way to win her love.

She protected me but wouldn’t admit she cared. She said that it all would’ve ended sooner if I just had asked for it to stop... which means her intention the whole time was to have me spanked until I begged for it to stop but she couldn’t go through with it; her will broke before mine did. I won. If I did it once I could do it again.

Kelly called out a few minutes later “it’s ready!”

I couldn’t **** her to say she cared but if our experience with Liz proved anything I could **** her to show she cared. She wanted to make a big spectacle of my suffering but she couldn’t pull the trigger at least not entirely. She couldn’t stop degrading me anymore than I could stop loving her but when the two forces met she flinched. I didn’t see it before but slavery offered an opportunity: I would submit myself completely to her in every way and dare her to treat me as horribly as she thinks she wants and she won’t be able to do it. I would erode her fierce exterior until she realizes she either has to treat me like a person and, divine forces willing, admit she cares about me.... and if that doesn’t work then at least I’m going to figure it out sooner rather than later.

“Are you coming?” I heard her shout again.

I tried to get up but immediately felt the immense pain in my ass as I tried to stretch my muscles. I didn’t want to disappoint her so I tried just using my arms to pull myself from her bed though even against the soft fabric of her comforter my nipples were still quite sensitive. As I dragged myself my sensitive pussy lips didn’t feel much better. I put my arms on the floor and lowered myself as gently as possible from the bed. I crawled to her naked and collared like an animal and dared her to treat me like one.

“What are you doing?” She said giving me a bewildered look.

“You called for me so I came, Master.” I said looking up at her from an all fours position.

“You crawled?” She said as her usual indifferent look returned.

“I... I couldn’t walk.” I said as my confidence started to wane.

“So why didn’t you call out to me to carry you?” She crossed her arms like she could already tell I was up to something.

“You said come, so I did.” I said looking up at her.

She looked down at me and then got down on a knee.

“Is this some sort of gesture? Fully committing yourself to servitude and any time I overstep and put you in a situation that I end up feeling bad about you’ll throw it in my face as evidence I care?”

Did I say she was smart before? I probably have but god damn even with my plan spoiled I couldn’t help but be turned on. Still I lowered my eyes and awkward that my plan had fizzled so quickly.

“Go on answer, I’m not trying to embarrass you.”

I swallowed and looked back up at her. She had this mischievous grin as she waited for me to respond.

“Or maybe I should just test this out… Liz had asked about staying the night, should I call her back over, since you’re going to go along with anything I say?”

I felt a building anxiety attack at the thought of Liz coming back so I felt obligated to admit to my plan. I can’t believe she would even threaten that after what she just put me through. Still I had to pivot a little though, perhaps reframing my plan in a way to earn a little sympathy.

“That was basically my idea, clearly it didn’t work. I wasn’t going to throw it in your face, I was just going to try to use it to help convince myself you cared… to keep me going.”

Still on a knee in front of me, she put her arm on my back and she looked back at my ass and it’s bruised and likely purple exterior and she winced, though she tried to hide it.

“Well you certainly need positive thoughts, I don’t think I’d have nearly as much fun if you didn’t have at least a little bit of hope.”

I felt a tear drop down. My emotions in such a state of flux I don’t even know how I feel let alone how she does but since I couldn’t imagine feeling much lower I just had to know.

“Was that… was what Liz did to me fun for you? Not just the spankings of my ass, my tits and even my pussy, but fondling and groping and touching me where I had hoped at most only you would…”

Kelly’s eyes flashed some emotion … fear? Excitement? Maybe her conscience on a collision course with the idea she did enjoy and then wondering what that said about her? Maybe realizing that the idealized version of her in my head was better than who she really is… that was likely wishful thinking on my part.

“Like I said it got out of hand. I should’ve done the spanking myself.”

I wasn’t sure whether to take that as an apology or a threat. Or maybe just maybe, teasing the idea of intimate BDSM play. She rubbed my back and came to my side, I smelt the scent of sweat on her neck and it was amazing but I couldn’t let my feelings get in the way of this conversation. She was about to help me up when I finally responded.

“Why are you so threatened by the idea that I knew you’d protect me from having to eat out Liz? Was it that I was taking your power? Or was it that you don’t want me to know that you will protect me?”

She rubbed my back and took a quiet deep breath.

“I am your master…”

I knew it was a mistake but I cut her off.

“I know you’re my master! I don’t mind that. It’s obviously not what I expected but if you’re enjoying it then that’s even better for me! Protecting me doesn’t make you less of a master it makes you more of one!”

She reached down and grabbed my very bruised right ass cheek and I wailed in pain.

“Do not interrupt me when I speak!”

I nodded and much to my surprise she started gently rubbing my bottom. I let out a low moan as I felt my pussy begin to stir. I began to lower my eyes but she giggled in joy and it was beautiful. I think I just realized how powerless I really am, no matter what she did I would always want to forgive her and earn her love. I would let her do anything to me if it just made her smile.

“I am your master, I am learning and I don’t care but I guess… I do feel responsible.”

I turned so I met her eye and I saw for the first time, maybe ever, vulnerability. She was thinking while she spoke like the words mattered. She either cared about what I thought or how she was perceived but either way she wasn’t treating me like her plaything.

“What’s the difference, Master?” I had to ask but I added her title to show respect.

“I guess, I just know that I created needless suffering in that situation just like I know that you eating out Liz could’ve been traumatic even if you pretended you were into it.”

I looked down at my naked body and wondered what made it needed suffering instead of needless. Fuck it, I’m just gonna ask.

“If you’re against needless suffering then why am I permanently naked?”

She ran her fingers up from my ass across my naked back and she paused.

“I’ll tell you, but I think you might not be ready to hear the answer.”

I turned to face her wondering if she was going to say what I pray she might. I felt my heart beat faster and faster as I just I imagined hearing those three words.

She took the expression on my face for a willingness to listen.

“It’s for you.”

I waited for her to explain herself because it certainly doesn’t feel like it’s for me.

“Let me explain: You think you know me, you think you love me, but the truth is you don’t know anything about me. You don’t know my interests, what I like, what picks me up when I’m having a bad day, hell you don’t even know my favorite movie; it’s Gone Girl by the way. You know I’m a bitch and that I’m hot which are both true but that’s all you know. That’s not love, it’s lust…”

I started to tear up as I began to realize there might be some truth to what she’s saying but I still don’t understand what it has to do with me being kept naked.

“…But, I know you. I don’t love you but, I know you. I’ve been paying attention the whole time we’ve been ‘friends’ and I know that you crave attention but you’re sensitive about your body, I know you feel like like the fifth in our quintet, I know you can’t help but wear your heart on your sleeve and that you feel like everyone else holds their feelings close to the chest, I know you have no goals or understanding about what you want out of life other than you want me in it. Today you were the center of attention and you got to see everyone at their best and at their worst. Tell me how you actually feel about today?”

She continued to rub my back. The words echoed in my head for a bit but I couldn’t help but wonder if she was framing everything this way to put herself in the best light or if she was just trying to put me back in her toy chest after being at my closest to actively working against her. The hardest part was she was probably right about all of it. I don’t know who I am and I don’t know who she is. I lusted so hard, I thought it was love and despite me obsessing about her she actually knows me so much more, inside and out, than I know about her. All I know is that this conversation has given me a feeling that I’ve never had with her or anyone else: a connection. If I didn’t really love her before, I might now.

“Today sucked. I was stripped in public, collared, bound, **** to orgasm, displayed, groped, and then I was fucking beaten with a paddle on my ass, tits and pussy! My friends don’t even care, Liz actively delighted in my torment before joining in, Anne hates me for what I’ve done to myself, and Steph left here in tears because I broke her heart.”

Kelly smiled and her other hand lightly grazed against my lower stomach and I took a deep breath trying to not let her arouse me.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about the last one. I know it looks like Steph left here in pieces but I’m pretty sure she tripped on purpose to hide the fact she stole my keys. She’s probably waiting until late at night to sneak back in and rescue you.”

My jaw dropped a little as I remembered Steph falling and thinking she was just so distraught she could barely function. Kelly really is a master in every sense of the word. She’s always ten steps ahead and let’s everything play out for her own amusement.

“Did.. did that really happen?”

Kelly snickered and put her arms under my legs and back lifting me again in her arms.

“Yes, it did, you’re not out of allies just yet.”

I leaned my head against her again while she was getting ready to help me into the tub.

“And what about you? Are you my ally? Are you going to let her rescue me or are you just trying to get her in trouble for stealing your property so she’s out of the picture?”

She lowered me into the water and the heat helped soothe my wounds. I relaxed for a moment while I waited for her to respond.

“I haven’t really decided. What happened with Liz has kind of given me pause about this whole thing. Was today the worst day of your life? Do you feel broken beyond repair?”

Her words sounded like sarcasm but I think she really wanted to know. I leaned my head to the side and looked up at her as I felt the water help clean my sweat and pussy juices. I used my arms to hold me up in the tub because sitting on my bottom would probably still hurt like hell.

“I don’t know… I don’t like what I’ve become. I don’t like being naked and cumming on command.”

Kelly sat down next to the tub and let her hand sit in the warm water right above my naked body.

“So you didn’t even like those orgasms?”

I swallowed and wasn’t sure whether to lie or not.

“No. I want to cum on my own terms.”

Her hand dipped deeper into the water near my slit.

“Okay, so you don’t want to be my **** anymore? You don’t want me in your life?”

The pain in my chest returned and I realized I still wasn’t ready to live a life without her no matter how much pain it seems to bring me.

“I want to be near you. I want you to know me and me to know you. I want to know myself but I don’t know if I can do this. Today was really hard. I’m always on display, literally and figuratively, you know everything and I only know what you choose to tell me.”

She picked up a loofa and squirted some soap onto it. I tried to take it from her hands but she pulled it back. I was so sore I don’t think I could do much with it anyway.

“I’ll bathe you, If you want, but I need your honesty and I need you to make some decisions.”

I looked up at her and realized she was offering to take care of me. Like she had been doing since Liz left. Since we’d been alone and there was no one there to judge her soft side. She was talking to me like a person and opening up more to me than anyone ever had.

“What do you want to know?”

She smiled and began washing my arm with a very delicate touch. I tried to not let her turn me on but it wasn’t working.

“Did you really hate cumming on command?”

She worked up my arm getting dangerously close to my breast. I could lie, I really could but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

“I didn’t mind cumming for you or in front of you. I do mind everyone knowing I came...”

I leaned forward and looked down as she worked over my back.

“… and everyone being able to see that I came, because I’m wet and aroused. It’s humiliating.”

She washed my back leaning further behind me and I felt all the sweat and grime of the day coming off and I was starting to feel like a new woman.

“Really? You didn’t want to own it at all? Show that you’re my toy and I know what you need?”

She reached around pulled on my other arm turning my over in the tub showing my bruised ass.

“I mean… it was kind of cool but it fell apart pretty quickly. Anne and Steph were upset and Liz was just looking to torment me.”

She started working on my lower back and I was fantasizing about her taking me right there. I started to moan and she just keep scrubbing.

“You got to see how your friends really feel about you. Stephanie was willing to go the extra mile, Anne not so much, and Liz was obviously not really a friend at all. Would you prefer not knowing?”

She stopped applying so much pressure and worked on my bottom. I moaned again. I had to ignore my urges.

“I feel like you’re reframing everything so that you’re off the hook for all you’ve done to me.”

She pressed the loofa into my asscheeks and I yelped. Then she said something very unexpected.

“I’m sorry… you’re right. I mean I’m sorry for causing you pain just now by pressing into your plump little bottom. And you’re right. I have a habit of trying to twist things around when people tell me I’m in the wrong. Most people aren’t brave enough to do that.”

Did she really just apologize? Did she compliment my ass? Who the fuck is this woman?

“The truth is… I enjoyed today. I enjoyed playing with you like my toy and I know you liked it to, at least until a certain point.”

What was I supposed to say? Acknowledge that any of this was okay? It wasn’t, was it?

“I did enjoy being played with by you. I never came harder before today. I just don’t want to belong to anyone but you. The public aspect is a lot to handle.

“You don’t like shouting to the world that I’m your possession?”

I moaned again as she pressed the loofa into my asscrack and I didn’t know what to say. She seemed to press hard against my anus and I began to wonder if she liked playing with me back there.

“I… enjoy being your possession. I just don’t like the whole world seeing me naked.”

She started to drag the loofa down my legs and I sighed in frustration. Maybe I liked being played with back there too.

“Do you not like people seeing you naked because of your body?”

Yes, I am sensitive about my body but I think everyone would be sensitive about being naked!

“I just don’t like being seen naked. It’s special to let someone see me naked and now it doesn’t feel special. It’s supposed to be a gift and a show of trust.”

She worked down to my feet and once she was down she turned me back over. I kept my bottom up again to keep it from pressing into the tub as she washed my stomach. I realized that she only really had two, well more like three places left to go if she wasn’t going to stop.

“You’re right. I just got so caught up in my ownership of you, I really wanted to show you off.”

Was she going to let me dress? She hesitated a moment as she brought the loofa up toward my chest. I closed my eyes and waited in full submission to whatever she chose to do. I let out deep moan as she started to loofa my left breast and I was tempted to start playing with myself as I moaned again. She wasn’t stopping either, I don’t know what she was trying to do, if she was trying to do anything at all other than get me off.

“I knew you’d be embarrassed about being naked, at least at first.”

She started massaging my other breast with the loofa and I moaned again. I was losing the objective view I needed to have this conversation. Did she really just say “at least at first”? Hello! I’m fucking naked. I’m not going to get over it. There’s nothing she could say or do to make me get over it.

“I didn’t think about how it might feel for everyone to know how excited you were all the time.”

I was pretty excited right now. She continued to wash my breasts and I couldn’t believe I was somehow controlling myself enough to not try to kiss her. I wasn’t sure what she was going to say next but she was admitting to fault in her actions or thinking and that had to be some kind of progress. I know she cares. She continued massaging my breasts and all I could do was moan in pleasure as I tried to absorb everything about this moment in case it never happened again.

“You…”

She started to speak but she hesitated like she didn’t know what to say as she washed the breasts of her lesbian **** while trying to maintain she was both completely straight and didn’t care about me at all. I just moaned and waited for whatever she might do next.

She started dragging the loofa lower and I was sure she was going to wash my pussy. This was the most erotic moment of my life.

“Can you keep a secret, Dyke?”

She used that stupid name again and I wish it was enough to take me out of the moment but I couldn’t think straight. I just nodded as I closed my eyes and felt myself giving into her in every possible way.

“I was pretty excited too.”

It took me a moment to process what she said. I opened my eyes as she held the loofa near the top of my pubic mound. Either she meant she sexually excited by the sadism or by me. Maybe both. Okay, definitely the sadism but maybe, just maybe, me too. Wait… what if this is too good to be true?

“Are you… are you just saying that? Trying to take advantage of my feelings?”

She hesitated but only for a moment. Her face didn’t show sexual excitement like I would’ve liked but more like she had something to prove, which was still sexy. She let go of the loofa and stood from her seated position. She reached her hands under her robe revealing pretty high up on her thighs and hoped she might show some lip but it stopped. Her legs are amazing but I didn’t see any higher than I would see in a bathing suit or booty shorts. She hesitated again but then as she pressed her legs together her red thong panties dropped to her ankles.

She reached down and and pulled her feet out of them one at a time and I licked my lips. I wanted to touch myself but I was too entranced. I had my hands on my thighs under the water and I was so close but I didn’t want to do anything that would stop what was happening. Maybe I was learning self control.

She picked up her inside out panties in one hand and held them in front of me. I could see secretions coating the inside. She was telling the truth. I had, in some way or another, turned her on. I reached my hand out tentatively and she pushed her panties closer to me inviting me to take them.

My wet hands took her panties and I looked at her again as I started to draw them closer, she mulled it over for a second but then gave me a nod. I was completely overwhelmed with this situation so I did what came most naturally, I closed my eyes and held them to my face breathing in the scent of her sex. All the pain in my body seemed to disappear as all I felt was the warmth of my bath and my own sex becoming more and more aroused. I wanted to live like this forever.

We sat there in silence for I don’t even know how long. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop but she didn’t say or do anything. All the parts of my brain that knew better started to fade away as I made rationalization after rationalization. My nudity was a gift, like I said, but at the same time, her telling and showing me the effect keeping me as a **** was having on her was a gift in its own way. She told me a secret. A secret I would have to keep to show she can trust me. My nudity and her excitement were two sides of the same coin. Me doing something for her and her at the same time doing something for me. It was so arousing being the only one that knew what was happening to her, in the same way it was arousing to her that what was happening to me was public. In just one day I had never felt closer to her.

I kept breathing it in and fighting every urge I had to play with myself. I heard something enter the water and I prayed she was picking up the loofa to finish me. Finally she spoke.

“What do you want, Dyke? I’m not always in a giving mood and I already know I’ve paid back your pain with more pleasure than you’ve ever had before.”

She was right, her scent was intoxicating, I wanted to bottle it up and use it as perfume. No, not perfume, this was special just for me, maybe a scented candle that I kept locked in a treasure box to which I only had the key.

“Tick… tick… tick…”

I needed to think of something but I wasn’t sure what I could ask for. Freedom? Clothes? Anything? I didn’t want to take anything from her, anything that she enjoyed or excited her. She had called me Dyke again and I knew what I wanted. I took one more deep inhalation in case this backfired and she took them from me.

“I want a new name… something special. Something that shows even when you’re doing what you want to me, that you take your responsibilities to me seriously.”

I didn’t want “Emily” back. That life was over and I had to accept that. This was going to be less of a life most of the time but if I had even just one more special moment like this, and I know I’m an idiot, but it seemed worth it.

I waited for a while for her to respond and I finally opened my eyes so I could see her face and she smiled. A real smile. Like the kind you get when you’re happy.

“I name thee… Puppy.”

It was at that moment every concern I had, at least for that moment, faded away. I was her little lost “Puppy”. Just like she called me before. It was like an inside joke only we got. I hesitate to even think it, but she cared. Maybe even more than cared, but one step at a time.

“I love it, Master, and I love you.” I said knowing the repercussions it could have.

“I know, Puppy, I know.”

She seemed happy and I know I was. I don’t know where our journey is heading but I know that tonight was the best night I’d ever had.