An old Adrestian rivalry

Your last class for the day is over, and the students are packing their bags and leaving. You breathe a sigh of relief as another day of being ogled comes to an end. Yet, when the students should be leaving, three students are approaching your desk. You’d be thrilled at the opportunity to give some extra lessons to some motivated students, but… that’s not why they’re here.

“I am Ferdinand von Aegir, and I have a favor to ask of you, Professor.”

“Indeed. It’s a very important matter, so please hear us out.”

Ferdinand and Edelgard approach your desk with serious looks on their faces. Dorothea gets an honorable mention for being here too, though she’s more involved with buttoning up her uniform than she is with the conversation. Ferdinand’s arm around her hips suggests that she doesn’t want to be here anyway.

“And what can I help you with?” you ask, bracing for impact.

Edelgard goes first. “As I’m sure you know, I’m the princess of Adrestia, and heir to the throne.”

“And I am the heir to the office of Prime Minister,” Ferdinand interjects.

“Please allow me to finish. The Adrestian Empire is a region of pride, and no position is more prideful than that of the Empress of Adrestia.” Ferdinand seems eager to interrupt again, but holds his tongue. “It is essential that the empress be the picture of excellence, one who earns her pride by exceling in all aspects of leadership. That includes the practice of faith. With sex at the core of the teachings of Seiros, that begs the question…” Edelgard strikes a dramatic pose with her arm extended as she shouts, “Who is better at sex!? Myself or Ferdinand!?”

That… sure is a leap of logic. So basically, Edelgard and Ferdinand are having another petty competition, and this time it’s about sexual prowess. The future Adrestian Empress and the future Adrestian Prime Minister, bickering over who’s a better lay. Is this really something a professor should be dealing with?

Flippantly, you reply, “Okay, you two have fun with each other. Have a good day.”

“With each other? Perish the thought, Professor!” Ferdinand says, sounding awfully scandalized. “We can’t settle the debate with each other! Our biases would lead us to both vote ourselves as the victor of our competition.”

“The only reasonable way to solve this is with a neutral third party,” Edelgard states.

Again, you dismiss them. “Okay, you’ve got Dorothea. Have fun.”

Dorothea glares at you.

“Just one judge won’t do,” Ferdinand adds. “One of us would inevitably have to be the second to have intercourse with her, or use a different part of her body. The results would be unreliable.”

“I’m not judging your sex skills. I have papers to grade. I’m a professor, after all. It wouldn’t make any sense for me to get involved in-”

*jingle jingle*

Ferdinand replies, “Certainly you’ll need these keys if you plan on returning to your bed tonight. I wonder how you’ll grade papers if you can’t get into your personal quarters.”

“Ferdinand, give those back.” With a serious expression, you reach for the training sword you use in the classroom and… huh?

“Looking for this, Professor?” Edelgard asks, your sword in hand. “If you comply with our demands, both your keys and sword will be returned to you safely.”

You groan. Looks like you don’t have a choice…