Other Guys

Breaking our kiss, Kaylee smiled down at me as she brushed hair from her face. Reaching up, I ran my fingers through her hair. “You never did answer my question.”

“You mean with the condom?” I nodded and I watched a faint blush color her cheeks. “That’s… It’s stupid.”

“Okay, now I have to know.”

She paused for a few seconds, debating whether she should tell me or not. When she finally relented, she looked embarrassed. “Pretty much every guy I’ve ever been with has cum inside me. Except for the few fertile ones of course. It’s something I’ve always enjoyed and it doesn’t feel right that the man I love doesn’t. I’m not saying we should do this without the condom of course, but I want your cum inside me—even if it has to take alternate routes to get there.” She took a deep breath. “God, that sounds even worse than in my head…”

I chuckled. “You are so weird.”

“I’m weird? Have you looked in a mirror?”

“Every day. It’s nice to start the day by gazing at perfection.”

Rolling her eyes, she snorted as she rolled onto the bed beside me. “Okay.”

I kissed her shoulder. “It’s why I love waking up next to you.”

Her smile faded. Biting her lower lip, she looked away. “God. You said that with a straight face too!”

“Because I’m serious.”

“Scott…”

“I love you, Kaylee.”

Pulling her against me, I breathed in deeply. Her new, spicy sent excited me, but her presence calmed me. I kissed the top of her head. Even if Paige ruined the moment, I still think I managed to do a fairly respectable job. Two orgasms was far better than the zero I normally got out of her. I was disappointed I wasn’t able to get a third. It would have been a done deal if Paige hadn’t thrown off the mood.

Missteps and all, my confidence was riding high. “So, how did I rank today?” I felt her sigh against me. “Kaylee, this is important to me.”

She pulled away, her head tilting up to look at me. Her stare grew intense as her gaze lingered. I began to worry as the silence dragged on. Was it really that hard to decide? I wasn’t trying to get ahead of myself, but I was thinking a solid three—maybe a four.

“If I said five, would you believe me?” My frown answered that question and she gave a long sigh. “One.” The word made my stomach drop. I might have been mentally prepared for a two, but a one?

“What? Seriously?”

She nodded. “That is what I would have rated it if you were anyone other than you.”

“But—”

“Now before you go spiral into depression, we’ve talked about this. You know I don’t enjoy the slow and tender stuff.” I knew that. She’d mentioned it multiple times. Beyond that, I knew how she was. Always urging me to go faster. Harder. It’s why I always had to fight with her for control. If I let her have her way all the time, my hips would be bruised and broken. She gave me a disarming smile, running a hand over my chest. “But I know you do. It’s why I wanted to do this.” She took a deep breath. “I love seeing this side of you. You have helped me discover a side of myself I didn’t know existed. A side that I can only explore when I’m with you. The way you look at me… touch me… it’s enough to make me almost believe you.”

“You mean the perfection thing?” She nodded. “It’s true.”

There was a pained expression on her face. “I’m not perfect. Far from it.”

“I don’t mean it in the literal sense. Flaws and all, I love you exactly as you are.”

Her blue eyes bored into mine. “You mean that?”

“Of course.” There was no need to think. I did love her. Nothing would convince me otherwise.

The silence grew as she continued to look at me. “Scott.” There was a gravity to her voice that made my body tense. I think I knew what she was going to say, but I didn’t want to believe it. “I want to start fucking other guys again.” Mouth dry, I said nothing as I continued to stare at her. There it was. By now, whatever pleasant feelings that lingered from our time together had disappeared. I was leaving the warm dreamland and was returning to the reality I'd desperately been avoiding. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this past week, and I think it’s for the best.”

I managed to find my voice. “For you?”

“For both of us.” I gave her a hard look as she pushed herself up. Leg sliding over me, she straddled me. As wonderful as the view would have been any other time, I immediately disliked our current position. Kaylee was holding the dominant position, pinning me in place and forcing me to look up at her as she towered above me. “Hear me out?” she asked, running her hands along my chest.

“Answer a question first.”

“Of course.”

“Did you do all this tonight so you could tell me that?”

She shook her head. “I’ve… been thinking about it all week. All this,” she said with a gesture to my bed, “was because I wanted to.”

Several seconds passed as I stared at her. Releasing a breath, I gestured for her to continue. It was easy to believe her. Kaylee wasn’t afraid to ask for things she wanted. Maybe there were other ways she subtly pulled me to her way of thinking, but she wasn’t going to try buttering me up for something like this. She’d made it clear from the beginning that she’d eventually start sleeping with other guys again. I was just hoping I would have a little more time before that.

Kaylee took a deep breath, centering herself. “Can you let me say everything without interrupting?” I nodded, not feeling confident of where this was leading. “Since I started dating you, I’ve been learning about myself more every day. I’ve learned how comforting it is to be close to someone special to you. How safe and warm being held can be. How wonderful and exhilarating making love can be. Being with you has opened up a whole new side of me that I love and wouldn’t trade for anything.” She took a breath, shifting nervously before continuing. “But that is only a part of me. I’m still the Kaylee you knew before we started dating. You know how I was—am. I’m not going to go back to being the girl I was before we started dating. That’s impossible. But I can’t ignore that side of me, and there are some hard truths we have to talk about.

“The first is that we aren’t sexually compatible.”

“That—”

“Let me finish.” Her expression hardened as I frowned. “This has nothing to do with your ability or perceived lack of it. This is wholly on me--and I'm not saying that to spare your feelings. I want to make it clear that each and every time with you is special and that will never change. At the same time, our time together being special is part of the problem. It took me until recently to figure it out. I could never understand why I was having such a hard time with you when other guys at your ability level could easily get me off.” She paused to gently bite her lower lip. “I’ve realized that it wasn’t necessarily the ability of the guys that got me off, but the raw lust of the act. The more I thought about it, the more obvious it was. There is a thrill seeing a man consumed by lust, knowing that I am the cause, and knowing that to him, I’m just a tool to quench that overwhelming lust and desire. It’s why I hate when guys get clingy. They bring in needless emotions and spoil the experience. I don’t want them to care about me. I want them to use me to sate their lust and discard me when they are finished.

“And I’m the same way. Wanting someone only for their body, using them for my own selfish pleasure. The moment they cease being useful for that, I move on to the next.” Her fingers trailed over my chest as she broke eye contact, watching her hands. “You will never be able to give me that—and that’s not a bad thing. Everything you do, every touch, every glance, every moment together, I can feel the weight of your emotions. I love that too—more than I ever expected. Opening my heart to you has fundamentally changed me for the better. But I can’t deny that old part of me is still there, and it’s growing louder the longer I try to ignore it.”

Reaching up, I ran my hands through my hair. “Fuck, Kaylee…”

“I know this is a lot to process, but I think we both know our communication hasn’t been the best. In a way, this is me going all in. I love you. I love being with you more than anyone else. That will never change, but I need this, Scott. I can't change that part of me.” She looked away, voice dropping to a pained whisper. "Not even for you."

I stared up at her, trying to get a handle on my thoughts. For her part, she didn’t shy away as she waited for my response. I could see that she wasn’t taking any joy in the situation. That was Kaylee though. She was never one to let anyone or anything stand in between something she wanted. It was one of the reasons why I loved her. I envied that conviction and single-minded drive. It was because I knew her that I understood this was a deal breaker moment for her. I could say no, and she would respect that, but deep inside me I knew that would be the death knell for our relationship. Not right away, but it would be inevitable. Which meant it was now her desire against mine. I told myself that I would be her everything, and she was flat out telling me that was impossible.

That hurt. I didn’t want to believe it, but she seemed convinced. I knew that this was non-negotiable to Kaylee. I suppose in her mind, she saw this as a compromise of sorts. She was giving up the completely free lifestyle she had before, trading it in for the stability and intimacy I offered. To me, it was Kaylee being greedy. She wanted the best of both worlds. The emotional intimacy and support a relationship gave and the physical pleasure her random hookups.

The kicker was that this wasn’t a negotiation. It was an ultimatum. She had drawn a line in the sand beyond where I had drawn mine. She had basically put the fate of our relationship on me. I had to decide the strength of my own conviction in my desire to be her everything. What I needed to determine now was whether that was a deal breaker or not. Either I move my line, or watch as things slowly crumbled from within.

Damn her.

“You don’t know that. Now that I know what you are into, I can—”

“Not going to work,” she said, not even letting me finish as she shook her head. “You aren’t capable of it.”

I frowned at her instant dismissal. “We haven’t even tried.”

She gave me a sad smile. "But we have." I frowned, digging through my mind for what she was talking about. "Do you remember our first time together? Or our time in the shower?" Even months removed, the memory of that still hit me like a physical blow. No wonder it didn't come to mind. It was like a repressed memory at this point. That didn't escape her notice either. "That is the kind of sex I'm talking about, Scott. Those things I said... They were for me, because that's all it's about. Me. I'm the only one I care about, and I'll say or do anything to extract the most pleasure out of the experience as possible. I don't want to do that to you. I saw what it did and I refuse to put us in that position again." She took a deep breath. “And it works the other way too. I watched you with Kayla, remember? You were practically strangers and if I didn’t know better, I would have thought you two were in a relationship already. Even though you barely knew her, you didn't treat her like a thing to get off with. You made sure she felt good every step of the way.” Her gaze was heavy as she gazed down at me. “You’re a naturally caring guy. It’s one of the reasons I love you so much.”

“Fat lot of good that’s doing me,” I muttered in a bitter tone.

Kaylee’s expression turned angry. “Do I have to remind you that if you weren’t exactly the way you are, we wouldn’t be dating? You don’t want to be the type of guy that I fuck—and you know damn well what I mean by that. If you were, I’d move on eventually. I always move on—no matter how great in bed they are.” She let out a breath, trying to calm down as she ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t know what else I can do to show how god damn special you are. I am a selfish woman. I am greedy, shallow, and fickle. I’m blessed with looks and the ability to attract good looking guys—guys I’ve happily taken to bed. That isn’t going to change after I graduate. College and beyond, there are always going to be guys waiting for a chance to sleep with me and I am more than happy to have my pick of them. I could go my entire life like that. A new man every week or so would be trivial for me. I’d probably even be satisfied like that.

“I feel like I end up repeating myself over and over hoping you realize how important you are to me. I could be with Sean or countless other guys right now having absolutely mind-blowing sex, but I’m not. I choose to be here. With you.”

“Yet you’re asking me to let you go have that mind-blowing sex with other guys.”

“I never said I was a saint. I’m fully aware what I’m asking and the shit position it puts you in. This is who I am though. As much as I love and care about you, I’m not going to force myself to be someone I’m not. I don’t regret these past weeks together, but I think we both know we are seeing the cracks starting to form from pretending everything is okay. It’s not.” She took a deep breath and leaned forward. The intensity of her stare was uncomfortable. “This is who I am, Scott. Who I’ve always been. I want to meet attractive guys and fuck them. I want that thrill of having fantastic sex with someone I know I’ll replace sooner or later.” She paused, her expression softening. I could feel her fists ball against my chest. “But I’m also the type of girl who wants to come home to a man that loves her. I want to fall asleep in the arms of someone I love and cherish. I want to make love with the only man on the planet capable of that. I want that man to be you. As far as I’m concerned, you are the only man who could possibly fill that role.” She gnawed nervously on her lip before continuing. “And I’m more than willing to share my bed with other women too—from time to time,” she added quickly.

“Sounds like you would enjoy that more than I would.”

She managed a smile. “Did I mention I was selfish?”

I pressed my head back into my pillow, staring up at the ceiling. I knew this was coming, but I’d hoped for more time. That I was closer to achieving my goal of satisfying every aspect of Kaylee’s needs. Then again, maybe that was impossible from the onset. She certainly seemed to think so. Everything hurt, but the sting wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. Maybe because I knew it was a fool’s dream in the first place. I knew how Kaylee was even before we started dating. She was the type of girl to ask out the guy she liked while another man was blowing his load in her. Hell, she was more than ready to hop on my cock immediately after. Our first and second time together had been like that too, only she had two men's cum inside her before I was able to take my turn. I still remember the impact her words in the shower had on me. If that was the kind of sex she was talking about, she was a hundred percent correct. That was straight impossible for me. No amount of trying would ever get me comfortable with the woman I loved treating me like an object to be used.

Horrible as all that was, I still loved her damn it. I couldn’t stop myself from loving her. Knowing me, I probably would have kept on loving her right up until the moment she broke me. That part of me never changed. The part that pissed me off because the answer was never in question. All her arguments were wasted because I’d already known my answer the moment she brought it up.

I was an addict with no intention of stopping, hooked on something I could never escape from because I didn't want to escape.

“I always knew you would ask for this eventually. I was just hoping to have a bit more time.”

There was a shift in her expression as she realized she was about to get her way. It wasn’t gloating or anything like that. It was simple relief. She rolled her eyes. “You make it sound like I’m never going to sleep with you again.” She risked a small smile, testing my mood. “You aren’t going to get out of your boyfriend duties that easily.”

Leaning forward, she gave me a deep kiss. Time seemed to slow as I lost myself in the smothering emotions she put into that single kiss. When she finally pulled away, she looked me in the eye. “I love you,” she whispered.

Steeling myself, I reined in my emotions. “So. Going to take up Paige’s offer then?”

Kaylee gave me a confused look before the realization hit. Her face instantly contorted to disgust, a cute scrunch in her nose as she shook her head. “God no! Those two? Gross.”

“What? Don’t like pretty boys?”

The tension left her shoulders as she realized I was teasing her. “Ugh. No. Zero interest in guys who wear more makeup than I do.”

“Yet women are okay?”

“Absolutely,” she said with a grin. “But I like my men manly. Firm muscles, rock hard abs, handsome face, and a decent sized cock to ride…” She made a show of wiping her mouth as if drooling. She looked down at me, suddenly looking nervous. “You… You really going to be okay with this?”

As if there was any other alternative.

“I told you before. I love you exactly as you are. Always have.”

She kissed me lightly on the lips. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Probably not.”

She didn’t meet my eyes, hands running against my chest. “I feel guilty now. I’m getting everything I want, and you—”

“Am getting the same thing. Not going to lie and say this doesn’t suck. It does. I hate that I can’t give you everything you want. It makes me feel like shit.” She opened her mouth to respond but I cut her off. “But I knew you were never going to be happy with just me going into this. Even if I was amazing in bed, you’d still want to sleep with other guys.”

"You are amazing in bed."

"Just not in the ways you want." She didn't respond. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, looking back at the ceiling. “There was something you said that made me realize that I’ve been thinking about this the wrong way.” In the corner of my vision, I could see her expression grow curious as she looked down at me. “I’ve been focused on giving you that mind-blowing experience you are used to. As you said, it’s something countless guys have given you.”

“I wouldn’t say countless.”

“But it’s a common thing, yeah?”

“Common enough.”

“So… I wouldn’t actually be separating myself from them.”

She sighed. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! What you bring to the bedroom is unique. It’s an experience that can’t be put into words, and certainly can’t be replicated by anyone else. It doesn’t matter if you give an amazing performance or an unsatisfying one, I’d love every second either way.”

“But you still want that mind-blowing sex, don’t you?”

“Fuck yes,” she answered without hesitation. She seemed embarrassed by the gusto of her answer. “More accurately, I ‘need’ that mind-blowing sex. This isn’t one is better than the other. They are different, and they fulfill different needs.”

It took me several seconds to speak. “Fine.”

“Does that mean…?”

“Yeah.”

I was rewarded with several minutes of passionate kisses. Almost made the concession worth it. Almost.

When she finally let me breathe, she was all smiles as she sat back to tower over me again. “Okay, so what are the rules?”

“Rules?”

She nodded. “I’m not going to let this get out of control like last time. I know how I can get. So how about we brainstorm and see where it goes?”

“Okay, but first…”

“Yeah?”

“Can you get off? You’re heavy.”

The playful sting on my chest was worth it.