Truth and Reconciliation

My heart is beating faster than it was during PE.

Why do I live so close to the school? There's no chance to build myself up. This would be a cinch if I had longer... Right? It's just the sudden decision that's making me scared. It must be. Elise's parents, Rouge, Jasper, they were all open and accepting, and Mum loves me the most, there's no way this can go badly. It can't.... Right?

It's at this point I realise I'm asking my front door. No delays. I open the door and make my way inside. Home. It's never felt like such hostile territory before, like it know I don't belong. The sound I hear is the most reassuring thing I could hope for, as Rouge makes her way down the stairs.

"You look sick, what did you do wrong this time?" She asks nonchalantly as she reaches the bottom of the stairs.

"Nothing... I just... Nothing." I decide. I don't know if Rouge would want to stick around to help, but I think she's done enough for me lately, time to do something on my own. "Where have you been? Feels like I've barely seen you in days."

"I'm a popular girl, lots of guys vying for my attentions, lots of girls wanting to be guided by me, and you've got Elise to keep you... Busy. We'll catch up at the weekend, you can book a slot." Rouge explains haughtily, making her way to the front door.

"Hey!" I exclaim, causing her to screech to a halt. "No more solo runs, yeah?" I ask.

Rouge looks back with her smirk of superiority. "Like you'd even be able to walk without me." She confirms with a wink, before exiting the house. I didn't see Jasper's car outside... Means Mum's the only one home. I hear the TV coming from the living room and make my way in. My mother lays across the sofa, some documentary of TV. She sits up to greet me.

"Hi Honey, how was Elise's?" Her voice sings tiredly. Long day at work maybe? Maybe this is a bad time? As if there's ever been a good time.

"It was good." Is all I can say, I can't let myself get side tracked. "Mum, can I talk to you?" I start, almost winding myself in the process as my heart threatens to burst.

Mum looks back to me with an excited face before sitting up. "Of course, have a seat." She replies, patting the space next to her. "Been too long since we had a chat. What've you been up to?" Oh. Good. She's already getting the wrong impression. I sit down and try to gather my thoughts.

"I need to... I need to tell you something." I begin, before my will gives out again. Fuck. It's two words. Six letters. That's all. I can't even look my mother in the eye, fear paralyses me.

"What's the matter?" My Mum asks. Fuck! Why can't I answer? "Is it those girls again?" Well, in a sense, but not the one you're thinking. "I can call the school if you're having trouble." Seems like so long ago now, back then I swore I'd never say the words I'm dying to say now. "You don't deserve to suffer in silence." I agree. "Just tell me and I-"

"I'm gay!" I scream. Loud. Too loud.

I'm trying to catch my breath. I can barely hear if she's responded. I have to look. I turn to look at my mother, to see he stunned face, no anger, no smile, just... Processing. "I... I needed to tell you." I continue, to still no reaction. Why did I do this? What was i hoping for? "I'm sorry."

"No! No honey, don't be sorry, I just... I'm just surprised." Mum finally answers, putting her hand on my back. This should reassure me... But it just brings tears to my eyes. Why am I crying? She's not angry, so why am I still so scared? "How... Long have you known?" She continues.

There's no real answer for that. "Kind of always." I get out before the sobbing starts.

"Oh baby." Mum exclaims in a caring tone, before wrapping her arms around me. "It's okay. It's okay... You don't need to be afraid." She strokes my hair as she hushes me. Slowly the tears begin to slow, and I look towards her.

"I... I wanted to tell you, I just didn't know how. I felt like I was lying to you." I try to explain before she cuts me off.

"It's okay, I understand this must've been hard for you to say." She starts before correcting herself. "Well, i suppose i don't understand exactly, I've never had to be as brave as you right now, but I'm proud of you. Thank you for telling me." I'm going to cry again before this is over. "Do... You mind if I ask you some things?" I resist the urge to tell her she just did. Instead just nodding. "So, is Rouge also..." She begins

I can't help but laugh. "No. No, she's straight, I don't think it works like that." I explain.

"Sorry, I don't really follow... I mean I've never needed to look into it before... So... Do you still plan on having children?"

Woah. "I... have no idea, haven't ever really thought about it." I reply honestly. Do I? Would Elise? Would we still be together at that point? Oh God, that's a rabbit hole for another time.

"Well, I'd recommend it." Mum smiles, stroking my cheek. "Do you have a... Are you with anyone?"

"Elise." I answer immediately. "Elise is my girlfriend... It's kind of new."

Mum's face is shocked, but it soon morphs to a smile. "Good, she's a nice girl." She begins, before I see the cogs turn in her head. "So you two-"

"Please don't ask the next question." I cut her off, already cringing. I've definitely come out of my shell, but I really don't want to confirm my sex life to my own mother.

"Okay, okay!" She relents. "Have you told anyone else?"

That's a simple question with a complicated answer. "You're the first person I've told... But Rouge and Jasper kind of figured it out, and my friend Trish found out... Another way, and Elise's parents, but that's it." I explain, trying to skip the details of trying to fuck Trish and getting caught by Camille.

"Suppose your siblings would figure it out, they didn't give you any trouble?" Mum thinks aloud.

Wow, that's a weird thought. "Jasper was angry I hadn't told you yet, thought I was making it so obvious I was just trying to hide it from you out of spite or something." I tell her. "Rouge... Well she actually kind of got me and Elise together."

My mother laughs at this revelation. "Sounds like her." She chortles before stroking my hair again. "I should have realised, ever since she turned up you've been so different, so full of life. I'm glad you felt comfortable telling me." She finishes, hugging me again. "But are you using protection?"

"I don't think that works in my case." I chuckle. "Maybe save it for Rouge."

Mum pulls away and looks into my eyes with suspicion. "Why? What do you know about Rouge?" Oh God. I was doing so well. "I'm kidding." Mum clarifies, laughing it off...

Didn't feel like she was kidding.

*

"So she realised we kept staying over to have sex?" Elise's voice asks me. After hanging out with Mum for a few hours I had retreated to my room to give the report, video calling Elise.

"Yeah, but I interrupted before she could ask." I explain. "So, that's it, everyone knows." It doesn't feel real, I'm out. I'm gay. I'm an official lesbian. No take-backs.

"I'm happy for you, I know it's been weighing on you for a long time. But I've been waiting to do something too, so, if you would?" Elise smirks, before a pop-up appears on my laptop. 'Elise Monroe has sent you a relationship request.' I know making it 'online official' is a cliché, but I can't help joining her in smiling. I did it. I press the button and the pop-up vanishes.

"No changing your mind now, straight girl?" I ask.

"Are we not pretending that didn't happen yet?" Elise groans. "But no, I've never been so sure." She adds.

"It's gonna feel weird sleeping without you, I've gotten used to your smell." I admit.

"Aww, that's the sweetest way I've ever been told I stink!" Elise jokes. "I miss you too, can't wait for our date tomorrow."

Aah, knew I forgot a detail. "So... That's still on, there's just something we have to do first..." I begin. Elise's face is one of concern and confusion. "I kind of promised my mother..."