Turkey Eve and Dawn of the bird!

The patrol didn’t reveal much… it had started to snow. Nightwing and Oracle were late to join the patrol… as everyone predicted. Robin didn’t waist a single opportunity to pester the two about their romantic evening. It was clear that Stromwell’s crews were effectively eliminated from Gotham. The last known crew was arrested on I-95 after tossing a couple of Molotov cocktails at a Penguin owned restaurant before driving out of town.

*

Wednesday morning was rushed. Everyone wanted to get what they had to do done, so they could get ready for Thanksgiving tomorrow… that went from the professors at the community college to the baristas at the coffee shop outside of Gotham Academy. Jason wasn’t in any rush to leave campus after his classes ended on Wednesday since he was hanging out with his gothic girlfriend Raven, and her friends Megan (little Miss Martian) and Rose (Deathstrokes daughter). And Kara could understand the teenage boy’s interests easily.

“Waiting for the brat?” Barbara asked as she walked up behind Kara.

“Yeah,” Kara said as she turned to look at her friend.

She found Dick with his face inches from her. Kara poked him on the nose and then pushed him to the side so she could talk to her friend.

“What can I say,” Barbara snickered, “Spending some time with the boytoy since I will be stuck with my dad and some family from out-of-town tomorrow.”

“Understandable,” Kara said, “I just wish you had better taste in boytoys, this one seems to be defective.”

“Hay,” Dick started to protest, “I resemble that remark!”

“Dick, could you get me some stevia,” Barbara said while she furrowed her eyebrows.

“Ahh…” Dick started but realized this was an excuse for girl talk, “Sure.”

“What’s wrong?” Barbara asked when Dick wondered off.

“Something Bruce said has been rattling around in my brain,” Kara said, “I get it that, the US isn’t Krypton, and Kryptonian fashion is as alien to the average American as a Thangerian. Even if they think they recognize it, they completely misunderstand what it is, where it evolved from and why it continues to be the form used.”

“Yeah, Freaks of Gotham were the only ones down with your ceremonial graduation gown,” Barbara interjected, “That reminds me, I have to bring Dick by Freaks to pick up some fundies for him.”

“That’s the other half of it,” Kara said, “We willingly embraced Selina’s sex ed lessons just like her kittens. Even Dick goes along with the games you suggest… How will Jean-Paul react?”

Kara didn’t need to be psychic to know that lurid headlines and photo-captions were rolling past Barbara’s mind’s eye. Not to mention the games they plaid together as ‘friends with benefits.’

“I am really lucky that Dick is willing to go along with any suggestion that Selina has given me over the years,” Barbara conceded.

“Even more so that Kori is down for all the games as well,” Kara shrugged, “You saw how stiff and religious Jean is.”

“Yeah, the stick up his ass is the entire Christmas Nativity set,” Dick said as he returned.

Both girls winced.

“I am not even Christian and I find that blasphemous,” Kara noted.

“That reminds me,” Dick asked, “What do you put as your religion on forms? I know you reference Roa a lot, but I have heard you pray to a few others.”

“Roa is the sun god and ‘king god’ of the Kryptonian pantheon,” Kara admitted, “But there a bunch of others.”

“And how would mister Christian react to dating a pagan?” Barbara pointed out.

“I suggest you continue this at a later time,” Dick said before pointing out the window, “Jason and company.”

Barbara and Kara looked over and instead of the red-haired orphan and his girlfriend, Jason was being marched over by Helen and Karen.

*

“What seems to the problem Lucius?” Bruce asked over his phone, “How long to get it rectified? We will need K-1 shortly. Ok, good night. Enjoy your time with the family.”

Alfred came in with a sheet of paper as Bruce was about to stick the phone back in his pocket. It rang however and Bruce looked at it.

“Yes? Type in 42. Then type in ‘thanks for the fish.’ Yes, I am serious. Read Douglas Adam’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series of books,” Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose, “Well the author is Douglas Adams… isn’t there an Adam’s street? What about Douglas street? Perfect, Corner of Douglas and Adams. Good night, try to enjoy your Thanksgiving.”

“What is this?” Bruce asked as Alfred handed him the slips of paper.

“Proposed changes to Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow night,” Alfred snapped.

Bruce looked up and almost shuddered at Alfred’s scowl.

“Jesus, you are going to make this even more impossible than taking you to dinner for your birthday aren’t you?” Bruce sighed, “You know half the restaurants in Gotham will not take calls around eight April because of the fuss you stir up.”

Alfred was clearly unrepentant.

“This isn’t some random catering company, nor are they strangers,” Bruce said, “It’s Helen and Karen, they want to do something nice. They are family.”

“This reminds me of Clark trying to negotiate with you,” Jason spoke up, “Only you get to feel how Clark feels when he is begging you to see things from his point of view.”

“I always understand and see his point of view,” Bruce snapped.

“And you dismiss it because he is wrong,” Jason said from the couch.

“Oh, wearing Kal’s shoes?” Kara asked as she walked in the living room, “I told them the Butler wouldn’t go for it.”

“Actually, I think you said that the Butler would kill someone over it,” Jason called over his shoulder.

“Careful,” Kara said, “Alfred is packing.”

Bruce thought for a moment and then handed the paper back to Alfred.

“You win Alfred, go ahead and call your granddaughter and tell her that she and her wife can’t help Grandpa out in the kitchen on Thanksgiving because he is too proper for such a thing.”

“You son of a…,” Alfred snarled, “You win this round, but mark my words, this will not end well.”

“I know you will make sure to remind me about it when the time comes,” Bruce breathed.

*

Wednesday night was quiet, Dick and Jason were obligated to make ‘too quiet’ jokes every five minutes. Selina was out for a prowl, more for exercise and to annoy Bruce than to do any crimes. The Treaty of no crimes in Gotham seemed to be holding up pretty well. Batgirl came over to the edge of the skylight of the police garage. Down below, police mechanics in their coveralls were checking on the supped-up cruisers that Lex had donated to the Gotham Police. They were checking the lights and everything.

“Looks like they want to show off the Lex Cruisers at the Thanksgiving Day Parade tomorrow…” Batgirl called over the commlink network.

“That is over the commissioner’s objections,” Oracle noted.

“Not surprised,” Robin noted.

“Lex’s vanity will never be sated,” Nightwing commented.

Batgirl left the police complex and went to another section of the city to see if there were any people in need of help. She noticed a group of homeless checking a bodega.

“I see them,” Nightwing said over the commlink, “Don’t worry, I got this.”

Batgirl looked over at the alley way next to the bodega and spotted Nightwing putting down a brown grocery bag of food. He launched a line and zipped up to the roof top.

“Ok Oracle, hit the buzzer,” Nightwing’s smile could be heard.

Below Batgirl from behind the corner of the building, the noise of a police siren “whopping” came on as red and blue lights flashed. The homeless all ran to the alley way and right to the bag labeled, ‘free food’. Batgirl watched as one opened it and pulled out a sandwich.

“Not all crimes are stopped with fists,” Bruce’s voice came from over Batgirl’s shoulder.

“Are those store-bought?” Kara asked, letting her voice slip to its natural tone.

“Most certainly not!” Alfred protested over the commlink, “I fully endorse Master Nightwing’s act of charity.”

“Wait,” Robin interjected, “Were those our snacks?”

“Rest assured I have more ready for you at the designated way points,” Alfred’s proud smile could be heard over the commlink.

*

Jason and Dick were playing a video game on the couch in front of the TV. Raven sat between Jason and Megan with Rose on Megan’s farside.

“Ammo crate to the left,” Megan commented.

“Where?” Jason asked.

“I got it,” Dick said.

“Who are you helping?” Jason asked.

“Not you,” Kara ran her hand in Jason’s hair, “How have things been going with the state?”

“Fun and joy,” Holly rolled her eyes.

“As much fun as a root canal without Novocain,” Maven noted.

It was Thanksgiving, but Bruce had insisted that everyone dress casual since it was a family affair. Selina had strutted in wearing a black oversized sweater with purple latex leggings and black knee boots. Maven had come in wearing basically the same outfit, but all-in greys. Holly was wearing a pink long sleaved tee with black leather jeans. Bruce was wearing a white shirt with black slacks, while Jason and Dick wore jeans and Tee-shirts. Raven, Megan and Rose likewise wore jeans and blouses. Kara smiled as she looked around. The two guests that were missing were Karen and Helen. They had insisted on helping Alfred and thanks to Bruce’s emotional manipulation, Alfred had agreed to let them. They had brought over Raven, Megan and Rose.

“I am going to get another drink,” Kara said aloud, “Who wants to try Beatsaber when I get back?”

“Sure,” Holly smiled.

“I would,” Megan chirped.

“Will Dick be doing another performance?” Raven asked sarcastically.

“No, and neither will I,” Jason said, “But I wouldn’t mind putting on a private show for you.”

“Not likely to happen with Alfred around,” Dick snickered.

“I would like to try,” Maven smiled.

“What about you Bruce?” Selina asked.

“It is for the best if I don’t,” Bruce said as he put his arm around Selina.

Kara grinned as she walked out of the living room and across the main hall to the kitchen. She was interested in seeing how things were going in the kitchen, and she opened the door, she was not disappointed.

“Madam Karen!” Alfred snapped, “Never use laser vision to heat a pot, it is a single point of heat that will result in burns. Madam Helen, what are you doing?”

“I am mixing in the mint to the stuffing mix like you taught me,” Helen smiled.

“That was to be done before adding the broth and oysters,” Alfred retorted, “How can I help you Kara?”

“I was getting another glass,” Kara smiled as she held up the empty glass.

“One virgin Kiwi Daiquiri,” Alfred tried to smile while keeping his eyes on the other two women in the kitchen.

Alfred smiled and went to the fridge and pulled out the ingredients and handed them to Karen.

“Setting number seven in the blue blender there and hold for fourty-five seconds,” Alfred instructed.

Kara watched as Alfred went about working on Thanksgiving dinner with Helen and Karen. Helen was about to stick a finger into a pot to taste when Alfred slapped her hand with a wooden spoon.

Kara just barely kept from laughing when Karen came over with the pitcher from the blender.

“Here you go,” Karen poured the drink for her younger self.

“Thanks,” Kara smiled.

“Madam Karen,” Alfred started.

“It’s fine Alfred,” Kara said, “I like it plain.”

“I know Mistress Kara, Madam Karen, please check the temperature of the bread oven,” Alfred instructed.

Kara left the kitchen before she got yelled at, or roped into helping too. Kara made her way back to the living room. Kara chuckled at the sight of Raven trying on the headset.

*

The sound of the explosion had come from the kitchen… But that only seemed to reassure everyone, well everyone but Rose.

“Should we check that out?” Rose asked.

“It’s fine,” Dick said.

“But I can hear Alfred yelling,” Rose pointed towards the kitchen.

“And if you go near the kitchen it will only get worse,” Jason said, “Come on, I need that kill streak…”

“OUTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Alfred’s voice boomed like an angry god.

“So that is where you got that sexy voice,” Selina purred as she sat in Bruce’s lap.

“Actually, we never heard that voice,” Dick said, “Until Jason moved in.”

“That’s not true,” Bruce said, “There was that time you tried to sneak Barbara into the pantry with you Dick…”

Kara giggled.

“Really?” Megan asked.

“I had to try,” Dick said, “And now you know why you can’t get away with that trick, sorry Raven.”

“What about me?” Jason asked.

“Not sorry in the least, you will have to get creative little bro,” Dick smirked.

Kara watched as Karen and Helen ran into the living room and hid behind the high backed chair Bruce was siting in with Selina. Both women reminded Kara of terrified preteens.

“What was that bang?” Selina asked coyly.

“May have… exploded the Turkey Frier…” Karen said meekly.

“Oh, well,” Kara shrugged, “Maven, try Hard Rock Halleluiah.”

“What?” Selina’s Brown haired assistant asked.

“Select stage, Lordi, spelled l, o, r, d, I as in Ian and Hard Rock,” Raven said.

“I see it,” Maven smiled under the goggles.

Kara looked around the living room. Raven was trying to keep from laughing. Bruce seemed utterly unphased what so ever. Rose and Megan were practically sitting in each other’s laps.

*

It was close to four in the afternoon, when Alfred walked in with a smile and full (and amazingly clean) Tuxedo.

“Dinner is ready…” Alfred smiled.

“Are we going to have a tofu turkey?” Holly asked.

“This is Alfred,” Bruce said, “If I had to bet, there is a roasted bird and a smoked bird on the table, and he let Karen and Helen blow up the turkey frier Jason got him as a gag gift last year as an excuse to kick them out of the kitchen so he could work in peace.”

“And here I wanted fried Turkey,” Jason said as he put down the controller and helped Raven up.

“That would be Helen and Karen when they realize they got dupped,” Dick quipped.

“Speaking of whom,” Maven looked around as she got up, “Where did they disappear too?”

“Off to the ladies room to change into fresh clothing I should think,” Bruce shrugged as he straightened out his slacks.

“And for a little love,” Holly said smugly.

“They really never fool anyone,” Rose added.

“Everyone at school knows they are a couple,” Raven agreed.

The group filed out of the living room and made their way into the dinning room.

“I like the suit of armor for a wine holder,” Rose commented as she entered.

“I call him Arthur,” Jason said.

“That has been in the family since the civil war,” Bruce said, “I believe it was a gag gift at one point to play on the French Sir Lancelot of the King Arthur myth during the Victorian revival of Arthurian legends and other heroes of Empire building.”

“Really?” Megan asked.

“And Dick use to put clown hats on it to annoy Alfred,” Bruce sighed.

“No clown shoes?” Jason asked.

“Too obvious,” Dick said, “Besides, that was Kara’s prank.”

“Imagine my surprise,” Alfred quipped with his trademark deadpan.

There were plates and dishes of food along a buffet table to the side of the room. Alfred and Bruce walked over to the two silver covered dishes…

“We are sorry we ruined the turkey,” Helen said as she came over to Bruce and Alfred.

“Helen, if being a part of this family teaches anything,” Bruce smiled, “It is be prepared for anything, right Alfred?”

The two men pulled the covers off and revealing two cooked turkeys.

“What about this one?” Jason asked.

“That is all yours,” Alfred said calmly.

Jason lifted the silver cover and looked at the rubber chicken.

“Hmmm,” Jason shrugged, “I was expecting the exploded bird.”

“With Alfred’s sense of humor it would be on Karen and Helen’s plates,” Selina remarked, “Mind cutting me a few slices there handsome?”

“Sure,” Bruce reached for a knife.

“I was talking to Alfred,” Selina teased.

“Ouch,” Raven giggled.

*

Dick was juggling grapes while he was seated between Kara and Jason. He was making a show of it and decided for the finally he was catching all three in his mouth. That was until Jason elbowed him causing the grape to bounce off Dick’s face and Kara caught it before it hit her. She tossed it back over and Dick caught it in his mouth.

“Scooby doooby Dooo,” Dick howled.

“Alfred,” Raven started, “I didn’t realize you baked a ham…”

Everyone looked confused for a second. Bruce chuckled and then groaned as he put his face in his palm.

“You are what you eat, and Dick is ‘Hamming it up.’ Are you sure you’re not related to Alfred?” Bruce asked.

“No Respect, no respect I tell you,” Dick did an impression of Rodney Dangerfield.

While everyone was laughing, Kara looked over and spotted Helen crack a hint of a smile.

“Please Master Dick,” Alfred said, “We did manage to keep ourselves from giving you a toaster as a bath toy.”

Kara started laughing at the joke from the stand up routine. Rose and Megan looked confused.

“I will get you some DVDs of Rodney Dangerfield for Christmas,” Kara smiled.

“I believe it is time for some deserts,” Alfred smiled as he got up from the far end of the table, “I was planning on serving some deep-fried ice cream, but…”

Karen and Helen blushed as Alfred looked at them. Alfred went into the kitchen and returned with a serving dish big enough to fit an extra-large pizza under it.

“Perhaps my assistants would like to serve the pie?” Alfred placed the tray on an empty section of the serving table.

Helen and Karen got up and walked over wondering what Alfred had planned. Alfred handed them knives and smiled as he pulled up the cover and revealed a massive pumpkin pie. Kara watched with a keen eye and noticed that the pair were shifting the knives in their hands and palming micro-SD cards that Alfred had passed them.

“Would you like a slice?” Bruce asked Selina as he put his hand on hers.

“I know I would, if you would be so kind?” Holly pointed the question at Dick as she passed her plate across the table.

“Sure, since I am already on the same side as the pie,” Dick smiled.

*

“Fat-man, dana, dana, dana dananananana…. Fatman,” Dick sang as he walked into the batcave.

“Hay porky,” Jason said as he trailed Dick, “You are the one that had two slices of pie.”

“And you had three,” Bruce said from the terminal.

“Who but Alfred could make a 20 inche Pumpkin pie and not burn the crust?” Kara mused as she brought up the rear.

“Speaking of which,” Alfred said as the elevator opened.

“I am calling him now,” Bruce said pulling out a phone, “Yes, we are ready. Alfred has your payment in hand.”

Just as suddenly Barry Allen appeared in the Batcave.

“Hay, Dick, Jason, Kara. Hello Alfred…” Barry smiled at the sight of the massive pumpkin pie.

“Barry,” Bruce intoned, “Focus. You have the address?”

“Yeah, sure,” Barry smiled, “I’ll make the delivery. No problem… just don’t tell Iris I am doing this for one of Alfred’s pies.”

“The Doggy bags are in the kitchen,” Bruce said, “And as far as I know, you offered to help out of some sense of charity.”

“Great,” Barry said liking his fingers.

Dick looked back at the now empty pie plate. Jason chuckled at the dollop of whipped cream on Alfred’s face.