Just some time with your sister

"We talk all the time, John!" she says, with a laugh.

"What do you mean? Through texts?" That's not the same. I dunno, I just feel like..." you sigh, "I never appreciated you until you left." As a sister and as a woman, you add mentally. "I mean, obviously I love you, but... I dunno."

"It's fine," she says, "Really, it is. I'm just glad we get to do this now. I've really missed home..." she turns to look you in the eye. "What have you done, John?"

You turn to look at her, puzzled. "What do you mean? I've done lots of stuff."

She sighs, and touches your hand.

"You're being weird, little brother," she says. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," you say, "I guess. Maybe I've just been under a lot of stress with college applications and everything."

You turn to her, and see her smiling at you. "I think my little brother is growing up."

"Oh yeah?" you say, smiling. "How so?"

"Well, you're actually talking to me about your feelings, and you're thinking about mom's instead of just seeing her as a provider of fresh laundry..."

"Hey!" you say, with a laugh.

She laughs. "I'm just kidding. But it's good that you're talking to me. I really want us to get along. So keep talking. Tell me more about this stress."

You hesitate, and she touches your shoulder. "It's alright. You can trust me."

The real stress is that your heart is pounding as you drink in the sight of her beautiful face. It's almost painful how beautiful she is. You wish so much that you could reach out and just stroke her soft cheek, feel her skin against yours, just for a moment.

"Just regular college application stress," you say, "Enough sappy stuff. Let's just watch a movie and chill out or something."

You search through the movie catalogue, and find something that you're both in the mood for. As you press play, you sit back and relax. You lean against the armrest of the sofa, and after a few moments of thought, you slide over a bit so your shoulder is touching hers. You turn to look at her, and see her smiling. You suppress a sigh, partly happy to be bonding with your sister and a guilty part of you secretly enjoying the sensation of closeness to a woman you're sincerely attracted to on the basest level. Fuck. You are so fucked.

"So, are you enjoying this?" she asks playfully, turning towards you and resting her head on her hand.

Your mouth goes dry as you stare into her eyes. You open it to speak, but nothing comes out. Instead you decide to communicate with your eyes. You look at her, basking in her beauty. Her hair, her lips, her eyes. You try to burn it all into your memory, just in case...

"John?" she asks, "you there? How are you enjoying the movie?"

You look back at the TV and compare the woman on the screen to your sister. The actress is pretty, but she doesn't hold a candle to your sister.

"Um, yeah," you say, "It's good. I like the main character, she's pretty."

Your sister sits up and looks at you. "That's not what I meant," she says, "Are you enjoying spending time with me?"

"Yeah, of course I am," you say.

She smiles. "I'm glad."

You smile and feel a warm sensation in your chest. Is this what they call brother-sister love? If it is, you think you could get used to it.

Fuck.

It hits you.

What if you don't just love your sister? You're in love with her? Maybe you always have been, on some level. You don't know. What you do know is with her now, and you don't want this feeling to ever go away – but at the same time you’d give anything to stop feeling the way you do right now, her soft, perfumed body against yours.

You feel lightheaded. Is this what a heart attack feels like?

"John?" you hear her say.

You're snapped out of your thoughts by the sound of her voice. You look back at her, basking once more in her perfection.

"Yeah?

She looks concerned. "Are you alright? You got really quiet all of a sudden. Did something happen?"

You take a deep breath. "Sorry," you say, "I kind of zoned out."

You turn to look at her, and she's simply staring back at you, waiting for you to continue the conversation. You take another deep breath. You need to tell her how you feel. But if you do, your life is over.

You decide to tell a half-truth. "I guess I just had a moment of realisation. About us."

She looks curious, but slightly apprehensive. "Go on..."

"I realised that... I guess I never appreciated you. I've not been the best brother."

"Oh, fuck off," she laughs. "You've been the best brother."

You shake your head. "I love you, you know that, right?"

Her smile fades, and she slowly nods in return. "I love you too. Now let's just watch the movie, weirdo," she says.

You chuckle. "Fine."

You watch the movie in silence. There are a few jokes and funny scenes, but you're not really paying attention to any of it. You're mainly trying to keep your erection under control as you enjoy Choa's company. You don't even realize that your sister has repeatedly nuzzled against your arm. Eventually, the movie ends.

"Well," Choa says, "that was fun."

You nod. "Yeah, it was."

She shuffles in her spot, getting into a reclining position and putting her hands under her head.

"So," she says, smiling slyly, "you get a girlfriend yet?"

You frown. "No. You know that..."

"You too busy jerking it to internet porn?"

You blush and shake your head, "I've been busy with school, and-"

"I'm just teasing," silly, your sister replies, "I know what it's like to be too busy for a relationship after all."

You nod. "I know. It's just... some girl caught my eye, and I think she's too precious to risk ruining our relationship by dating her."

"That's quite the declaration," she says, her smile widening. "Do I know her?"

You think for a moment. "I don't think so." You shift in your seat, trying to get a few inches away from her so the heat radiating from her body might distract you less. "So your entertainment agency bans you from dating, huh? I read that's common."

"Mmh, only the successful ones," she replies, staring up at the ceiling. "The successful ones convince their stars it's better for their image to be single."

"So any one of their fans can dare to dream..." you start.

"Exactly. It's good for publicity."

"That's... kind of fucked up."

She laughs. "Welcome to the music industry." She looks over at you. "It's about letting people who could never be with you think you'd have a chance with them."

You exhale deeply. "Well," you reply, "yeah, that's fucked up alright."

She smiles weakly. "It's the life I chose, so..."

The two of you sit there in silence for a little while until your mom calls you to dinner.

It's nice to spend some time together as a family and you almost forget your crush on Choa as you, her and your parents trade stories and jokes. After dinner, you help your Mom with the dishes while Choa plays cards with your dad. She asks about your exams and you give her the usual; good teachers, hard work, success will come with time and effort. She smiles and nods, but the smile never reaches her eyes. You're not sure if it's because she's worried about you, or if it's something else on her mind. Finally, you bid her goodnight and head off to bed, hoping an early night will do you good.

You're struggling to sleep, your beautiful sister forcing her way into your vision whenever you close your eyes, when there's a gentle knock on your door. You open your eyes and sit up, a tightness in your chest as you dare to imagine she's worked it out and feels similar, and a large part of you hoping the opposite.

"Hello?" you call out.

"It's me," she replies through the door, softly.

"Just a moment," you say, as you jump out of bed, putting on your baggiest pair of sweatpants and straightening your shits hurriedly. You open the door for her and closes it behind her, leaning against it. She's wearing a pink t-shirt with a visible black bra underneath, and a pair of what light grey pyjama trousers that look to be made of satin. For just one delicious moment you imagine how that satin would shift against her buttocks as she walks, before banishing that thought to a deep, dark part of your mind.

"Hey," she says.

"Hey," you reply, "what's up?"

She takes a moment to respond, instead just looking down at her feet.