Hey, someone's honey hams still need attending to

Fuck it you’ve put off finding this woman for long enough!

Taking out the paper from Brie you stared at the scribbled information.

You stared at the scribbled information.

You stared at the scribbled information.

Um, you stared at the scribbled information.

Hello…?

You there?

…Brie didn’t write down where I could find her.

Fuck.

Wait there’s still the phone number you could try calling her!

……

...No, you’re right actually talking to someone on the phone that’s far too insane a plan even for you.

Clutching the scrap you glared at the ceiling and let out a long muffled scream.

Huffing you cast your gaze to the floor and put your thinking cap on.

You could try wandering around the hospital.

Right that’s a good plan it’s only a fucking hospital how big could it really be…dumbass

Maybe you could find Brenda and ask her if she knows where to find big butt.

Another winner! Alright let’s go ask a nurse you just met if she can help you find this random EMT whose schedule your mom got for you through her connections as mayor because you want to tongue-punch her fart-box…amongst other things.

Fine how about Leah?

Sigh really! Did we not just go through this? Instead of the random nurse you now want to ask the one you borked less than an hour ago. I’m sure Leah will love to hear about how you fucked some coworker’s butthole the next time she goes to deep-throat you.

Well…

Don’t you dare!

Your internal bickering was thankfully squashed by the sound of someone shouting in your direction.

“Hey!”

Turning round to see your shouter you were surprised to see a random dude in EMT coveralls.

“Aw, man! I knew it was you”

“Uh…”

You replied totally unaware of who he was.

“I don’t blame you for not remembering you were pretty **** up.”

He laughed giving you an impression of what you assumed was a druggie or a very rotted zombie.

“I’m the ambulance driver from the other night. The one whose partner you kept making passes at”

He laughed again.

Turning red you still thanked him for the literal life-saving.

“Don’t worry about it, I do it every damn day. You have to go see Haley though she’ll be ecstatic to run into you!”

“Ecstatic huh” you smirked

“Yeah”

The guy closed some distance between the two of you.

“Bro to bro, she’s crushing hard. Didn’t stop talking about you for the rest of the night.”

“Thought you were absolutely hilarious too.”

Yup still a golden god!

“Actually do you know where I can find her? I was looking for her too.”

This put an even bigger grin on his face.

“Exactly what I wanted to hear, she should be out front first door on the right. If anyone hassles you tell them Chris said you were good. Here let me give you my phone number and of course Haley’s.”

Scrambling for your phone you took down both numbers. Although you technically already had Haley’s.

Inputting Haley’s number, you paused recalling your preference to your nickname for her and changed her contact name to “Big Butt”.

No way that comes back to bite you in the ass right…

“You know the same thing happened to me.”

“Huh?”

“How I met my wife”

Chris flashed his gold wedding band.

“She ate a few too many feel-good brownies and her friends called an ambulance. Had me in stitches the entire ride.”

He mimicked his wife

“I am such a smurf right now. Oh and you are without a doubt red. We should make purple! Lots of purple!”

“And wouldn’t you know it a few years later and we’re blessed with a pair of twins.”

Alright without a doubt a good dude. You thought to yourself as Chris continued to reminisce.

“Thanks Chris”

“Like I said don’t worry about it. Just treat Haley good alright. I don’t need to listen to her bitch about you all day!”

“No promises!”

You both chuckled.

With your replacement golden ticket you rushed downstairs. Eschewing the crowded elevator you went for the stairs making up some serious time by sliding down the railings. Hey at least if you scraped your knee you were in the right place. Arriving at the ground floor landing you made your way to the first door on the right.

Staring at the pale green “Employees Only” placard.

You scoffed and went in.

Instant regret.

A herd of hospital employees stared at you standing there in your button-down shirt and jeans. Pursing your lips, you scanned around the room for someone not wearing scrubs.

In the far right corner by the coffee machine you spotted Haley in the same coveralls as Chris. Awkwardly shuffling past the break-room tables you nodded at the medical peoples.

“Uh…Chris sent me”

“Mhm said it was all good”

Clearing most of the tables you turned your back and rushed to Haley.

Alright Joseph now’s your time to shine. She thinks you’re funny. Just need to keep up that illusion.

C’mon just need a killer line to woo her off her feet.