A True Heart to Heart

They talked it over a few minutes later. Alex was out doing something, probably running some sort of errand, so it was just the two of them for now. They held the conversation in the living room. It was not an easy one. Largely because they held it with Clara still naked but for her collar, and Lilly very obviously only wearing a single oversized shirt that draped down to her lower thighs, and absolutely nothing else.

Naturally, for Clara who had just realises she was bisexual, and carried a torch for Lilly in particular, this meant it was awkward as hell, Not only was she being seen naked, but she couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from the outline of Lilly's chest, and the curve of her legs. The other woman must have noticed, but she didn't mention, the singular fact which probably saved Clara from dying of humiliation then and there. And not the good kind of humiliation either.

"So let me guess..." Lilly said. "You didn't realise you had a thing for girls?"

"Um..." Clara flushed, feeling her face heat up, and wanting to hide it in her hands. "Was it always that obvious?"

"Not up until yesterday." Lilly laughed. "After that, it got pretty damned obvious. I mean, I don't want to call anyone out, but I've had boyfriends who didn't give me the same attention you did yesterday. That's not the sort of thing one just does for their master, you know? You were pretty clearly enjoying yourself quite a bit too."

"Well..." Clara stuttered. "I mean...Uh, I sort of...ah...fuck..."

Lilly giggled at that, shaking her head slowly, her blond hair falling to her shoulders as she did.

"It's okay, Clara. I can see you're still trying to deal with things. I guess you really didn't know, huh? That's not totally unusual. A lot of people have urges like that."

"What, really?" Clara asked. "I thought most people were straight?"

"Well, kind of..." Lilly said. "In my mind, it's always been more of a shades of grey thing than just being straight. Some people like guys, some people like girls. Some people like a certain set of features that can appear on guys OR girls. And some people like different sets of features, one for each gender. I'm not gonna say that any of that is bad or wrong. I guess you like different things, huh? I can't say that I'm very much like Alex."

"Well, you're really confident..." Clara said quietly, almost mumbling as she went. "And you're pretty hot too. I mean your body... you're really fit, and um... I never saw you naked before...but when you were naked yesterday, I just wanted to touch you and be touched by you too..."

She flushed as she said it, lowering her gaze to the floor. Oh god, this was embarrassing. But Lilly took it in stride, smiling with an easy grace.

"Hey, it's okay. You found another aspect of yourself you didn't know you had. Know what that is? It's called maturing. Some people, they shelter themselves, they close off the world, and live in this tiny little pond that they make their own when they could have a whole ocean. People like that, they may get older, but they don't grow up. You know what I mean? You found something new about yourself, Clara, and it's great! Yeah, it's a revelation, and you feel a little unsteady now, but the more you know about yourself, the better a person you can become. That's what confidence comes from. Knowing yourself. You make yourself the rock, and the world is an ocean, the tides can shift and change,. but that doesn't matter because you know yourself. You don't run away from yourself, and because you have explored yourself, you start to trust yourself too. You know you can make the right call, the right decision. It all starts with this."

"With finding women sexy?" Clara looked up.

"With not being afraid to explore a new part of yourself." Lilly smiled, like a teacher at a student. "It's all about confidence, right? Fake confidence comes from outside, from other people looking at you and telling you that you're doing well. But if they stop doing that, it crumbles, and you start to doubt yourself. It's worse than if you never had confidence at all! But real confidence comes from within, because you know yourself, and you know you're making the right call, so it doesn't rely on the approval of others. That's how I got to be who I am."

"What, really?" Clara said, looking up at her. "But you were always confident, Lilly. Even when I was a little girl, you were so smart, and you always knew what to do, and everyone always looked up to you and-"

"That's not how it was." Lilly said softly. "That's not how it was at all. I guess you don't remember, huh? Well, that's fine. You were pretty young then. But the confidence I had back on those days was the first kind, the false kind. You were right to say that I was smart, everyone always told me that. I was real smart. But In worked hard to be that smart, I took classes, I read books, I pushed myself because other people expected me to. They said that I was a genius, but I don't know about that. All I know is that I was shaped by what they expected, and what they wanted. I looked confident, but I was miserable deep down. A pile of insecurity, convinced that as soon as I made my first mistake, everyone who was praising me would stop, and I'd be revealed as a fraud. Not a genius, but just a silly little girl who was pretending to be smart."

"What happened?"

"Well, I nearly burned out. I pushed myself as hard as I could, and then even harder. I didn't have time for friends, or pleasure, or fun. I just had work. I had to do work to take tests to prove to the world that I was smart enough to take more tests to do more work."

She gave a hollow little laugh.

"It sounds like hell, doesn't it Clara? A little girl who doesn't really know what it is to have fun or have a live, all because the world around her is telling her she has to be intelligent, has to live up to her title, has to prove everyone right. And she does it because she's terrified, terrified, that she's going to let everyone down. I'm not going to lie, I was in a bad place."

"That sounds horrible, Lilly." Clara said, looking her friend and mentor in the face, her naked body forgotten, her lust had been smothered, and now, all she could do was feel empathy for the other women. "I didn't know."

"Of course not. Like I said, you were young. I could hardly expect you to pick up on that then. We were all young, and I didn't know any better, but honestly, if it had kept going, I probably wouldn't be alive here today, if you know what I mean."

"No..."

"Yes. I can see it. I was unhappy, and getting worse. Can't say for sure, of course. But I can see it happening. Anyway, it didn't come to that. You know why? I made friends. Alex's brother, at first. He was another high performer, you see. They put together because they figured we were the only ones on each other's level, but we were actually totally different. He was a bastard at times, you know? Cold and stand offish, all logic and efficiency. Emotional depth of a puddle. But he knew what I was going through. And then there were the others. Sarah, Diana, Lisa, Alex, David. You. And over time. It's funny really, you know? I was supposed to be the smart one, but you guys were the ones who dragged me out of my shell, and showed me there was more. That I could slow down, that I could look around, I didn't have to let the world pass me by. I didn't have to stay in my little pond, I could swim in the ocean.

"You and the others, Clara. You saved me. I won't ever forget that. I loved all of them, but you were the one who most took a liking to me. This little blue eyed girl, following me around and copying me, do you remember?"

"Please let's not." Clara winced.

"I thought it was adorable." Lilly laughed. "I'd never had a student before. Never had someone who wanted me to teach them to be like me. That was what you wanted, right? But that was around the time I realised that the me you knew... well, she wasn't in the best place. So if I was going to show you anything but how to crash and burn, I needed to take a long, hard look at myself. That was when I realised my confidence was fake. That was when I started to look at myself, deeply, and try to piece together who Lilly really was. That's the best thing about all of this, Clara. You say that you always loved my confidence, but I only became confident like this because you made me work through my issues. Because you wanted to learn, and I wanted to teach, but I wanted to teach the right things, not all the wrong things that I'd been taught when I was your age..."

"So that's why you left town". Clara said, another thought clicking into place. "We always wondered. Alex's brother got a job offer, and a good one, that's why he left. But you left first, and we could never figure out why. I figure I see it now, right? You left to get away from everyone else."

"From everyone who wasn't part of our group." Lilly nodded, a look crossed her face, as if the memory was painful. "It was a hard choice, but I was always going to be that smart kid, that genius girl. I was always going to be pushed to succeed, to do better and better. I didn't want to get back into that cycle, Clara. I almost did, more times than I'd care to count, I found myself slipping. But i always was pulled out. By you or by one of the others. Always reminded there was more. But I knew if this kept up, maybe one day, you wouldn't be enough. And you were old enough then, and had learned everything I had to teach. So I figured, why not I moved to the city, got some jobs, made some money. They weren't the best jobs I could have had, but I never wanted to work that hard again.

"And I started to discover myself too. Away from everyone else, I was able to pair myself back, cut away everything except who I wanted to be. You know what I figured out? I like fun. I like drinks and parties, gossip and sports. I like to socialise and laugh, and I like to fuck. I like to have sex, it makes me feel alive. It makes me feel like I can make up for all that time I wasted when I was younger. I let the world pass me by for so many years, Clara. I won't do it again. I'm here to enjoy myself, to lead the live I want to have, no matter what anyone else thinks."

She paused suddenly, as if realising how far from the original point she had gotten. Now, it was her turn to flush, embarrassed by the direction of her thoughts.

"That kind of got away from me, huh?" She managed. "I guess what I am trying to say is... Clara, you've got to let yourself be yourself. If you're attracted to women as well as men, well, that's okay. Explore it. You don't need to stick to what anyone else tells you to be. If you really want to be confident, really want to grow and mature, then you can't be afraid to dive into your own wants and desires. You're already halfway there, right? This thing with Alex, most girls wouldn't even consider it. But you did it."

"I wanted to be closer to Alex..." Clara murmured. "And I wanted to explore this side of myself. For so long, I'd dreamed of things like this. Kidnapping, blackmail, non-consent. Evil things, dark things. But they made me excited. I wondered for the longest time if I was a bad person for wanting them done to me, I wondered if there was something wrong with me, but I couldn't just banish them from my mind. So I made peace with them. Figured that so long as they were fantasies and roleplay, it was fine. No one cares what two people do with their bodies, so long as they both agree to it beforehand. That's what I thought. And Alex...well, he was always the one to make me feel safe. I looked up to you, but I loved him. Or at least, I think I do. It's hard to say with things happening so fast. But I care for him, and he cares for me, and I think we can really build something together..."

"Plus he made you horny."

Clara squeaked an embarrassed denial, fruitless as it was.

"You want to know something, Clara?" Lilly said. "I'm bi too. I like girls and guys. I didn't know until I moved to the city, until I let myself experiment and experience it. And I have to admit, the first time you came to the city, you were pretty cute. Yesterday wasn't just good for you, you know. After I learned that I leaned that way, I always sort of wondered what it would be like if the two of us fooled around like that. That was one of the reasons I set things up like I did yesterday. I mean, I wanted to help Alex too, of course. But the thought of getting involved in your game was pretty tempting. When I realised you were getting turned on by me of all people, well, it was pretty surprising let me tell you that. So here is the deal, I'm not gonna force you into anything. You want to go through this alone? Say the word and I'm gone. Alex has asked me to stick around for the rest of the week, to help out a lot, and I said I'd think about it, but it depends on you. If you want to sort things out on your own, or spend the time just with Alex, that's fine, really it is. But if, and I really want you to think this one over, you want to explore this side of yourself, you can do it with me."

"What?" Clara blinked. "Really? You mean you'd do that? Let me do that?"

"Of course." Lilly laughed. "I'm your mentor, right? Consider it an, ah, advanced course. But really, you and Alex have a good thing going here, and I don't want either of you to feel like I am trying to muscle in. But if you're gonna be exploring your sexuality, unless Alex suddenly grows tits, he can't really help you with this part. I can, though. I can stick around, take part in the rest of the week, slowly ease you into things, and let you test the waters. Afterwards, if you want, not a word of it escapes me. We can go back to just being friends, and you'll have a better understanding of yourself, even if you don't want to sleep with women. You should always try to understand the paths you can take, even if you don't end up following them. And let's be honest, I'm pretty sure I turn you on, so this might be your best chance. What do you think, Clara? Are you willing to give it a shot?"

"I...." Clara's head was spinning, she almost couldn't believe what had just been offered to her. She thought about it long and hard, taking several moments to answer. "If we do it... we can make it part of the week, right?"

"You mean part of your slave roleplay?" Lilly grinned. "Kinky, Clara, you sure you're as innocent as you like to look?"

"I didn't mean it like that!" Clara protested. "Well, maybe a little... but it's just, I want to keep things going the way they have been. I like what's been happening, I feel like I've been living out my dreams. It's amazing and what you're offering is also amazing, so maybe if I could combine the two..."

Lilly shook her head, but there was a grin on her face as she did so.

"Well, Clara." She said, "I can't say it's a condition I expected from you, but sure, I can get with that. Who knows, might be fun for me too. I'll even talk to Alex today and see what I can do about getting a little bit of it incorporated."

Oh, that was right. Clara realised that with all of the excitement, it had slipped her mind that today was a new day, so Alex would be preparing something else for her to do. Suddenly, she was aware of her naked body again, her nipples growing stiffer at the thought. Lilly saw it, and chortled, making Clara blush.

"You're incorrigible, you know that? You get horny at the drop of a hat."

"I just haven't had a real boyfriend before!" Clara cried. "It's not my fault that it makes me excited! My body is just...reacting on its own..."

"Yeah, it's reacting all right. And later tonight, it'll be reacting all over the floor, between your legs, maybe over his fingers, and almost certainly over his co-"

"Lilly!"

Lilly threw her head back and laughed at Clara's absolutely mortified expression.