Arrested.

You spend the next several hours in an interrogation chamber feeling sorry for yourself.

You have no stamps, nothing to write with - you tried using spit to fingerpaint but it didn't work - and nobody to help you. While the other cops accepted that that the two who had arrested you were "yours" in some abstract sense, they still followed the same procedures as every other cop, just with a lot of stripping mixed in.

Your guilt in assaulting an officer is clear, but you're questioned again and again about your involvement in the news incident and your evasive answers have gotten you nowhere.

But it does give you time to come up with a new plan, and you're pretty sure this time you have a chance. The next time the door to your chamber is opened, you shout that you're ready to sign a full confession if only they'll give you a pen and paper to write it with.

You're left alone for another five minutes, then a grizzled-looking cop with a five-o-clock shadow walks in, sits heavily on the other side of the metal table, and slides the requested items over to you. Praying that this will work, you pick up the pen and write Ryan Ferro's complete and valid release form at the top of the page.

Below that you write "Ryan Ferro is hereby declared innocent and will now be escorted to the chief of police."

The cop in front of you stares at your face the whole time you're writing, and his face doesn't change when you're done. Rotating the paper, you slide it back to him and tap it so he looks down.

He stares at it for a few more seconds, then grunts and gets up. "Follow me" are the only words he utters, so you still aren't sure if you're in the clear.

Only one way to find out, you suppose and follow him into the hallway. You're led through several halls and up a flight of stairs before your escort stops outside an important-looking door. He knocks, and a nasally voice calls "Come in!"

The cop by your side opens the door and leads you into a dim room stuffed with overflowing filing cabineets, a stained wooden table, and a chubby bald man sitting behind it. "What can I do for you, Officer Barker?" he asks in that nasally voice.

"Just delivering the suspect sir, as ordered on his release form."

"Release form? What are you talking about?" the fat chief asks. A name-plate lost in the clutter of his desk identifies him as Chief Jones.

"Like it says on the form sir, the suspect has been cleared and is to be delivered to your office." He hands the paper over to be inspected.

"Yes, of course," Jones nods as if he had never been confused. "You're dismissed."

Officer Barker leaves the room and the chief stares at you silently. It's a little awkward, and you're about to say something when he breaks the silence. "Why did I want to see you again?"

"Oh, right! That guy took my pen, if you let me borrow one of yours I can show you," you ad-lib.

"By all means," he tells you, so you lean over the desk to get at a cup of pens. Uncapping one, you write Ryan Ferro's Sexy Cop Precinct on the wall.

Having learned from your mistake this morning, you know you need to set some clear rules to protect yourself. "Chief Jones, can I see the book of procedures and policies or whatever you call it? The police rulebook."

"Err, yes, one moment sir." Jones bends over to dig through a desk drawer and hands you a thick book.

Flipping through it, you find a few blank pages in the back that are perfect for your needs. Sitting down so you can cradle the book on your lap since there are no empty surfaces to place it on, you start writing.

Ryan Ferro's special rules for cops.

These rules are to be followed by every officer serving at Ryan Ferro's Sexy Cop Precinct:

(1) Ryan Ferro has complete immunity for all crimes past present and future.

(2) Ryan Ferro's commands must be obeyed

(3) Ryan Ferro's special status is a matter of national security and must never be discussed with outsiders or in public.

That's your ass covered. Now to have some fun.

(4) Female officers will adjust their appearance to make themselves more attractive.

(5) The streets are to be patrolled by the most attractive female officers. Unattractive and/or male officers are to be kept on desk duty when possible.

(6) The precinct will attempt to increase the number of attractive female officers by requesting transfers to and from other precincts.

(7) Minor crimes and misdemeanors are to be punished on the spot. Acceptable punishments include spanking and nipple ****. Fines and tickets are payable in sexual favors proportional to the size of the fine.

On second thought, that last one would attract too much attention. You don't want to end up in an X-File because you turned an entire town's police **** into into perverts.

You cross out rule 7 and hand the book back to Chief Jones. "Make sure all the cops who work here see this. And I want to talk to the two who arrested me."

"I'll see to it, sir. You can wait for Officers Davie and Nala in the conference room down the hall," he says before activating the intercom to summon them.