Tokyo Games enlist Fumiko Baba to be naked ambassador

The 2021 Tokyo Olympics received a welcome boost yesterday when hot Japanese actress Fumika Baba unveiled herself to be the newest addition to Japan’s ambassador cast for the Games – in total nudity, no less. Posing seductively with her left hand toying with her lustrous hair cascading sexily down her shoulder, Baba’s voluptuous breasts and dense pubic bush are sure to send males running to the nearest toilet for immediate relief. A quick look at the comments confirmed as much: “came in my shorts”, admitted one danfowler12, while a honda_kizuki grumbled “[translation] didn’t make it; gotta change my underwear now”.

Insiders from the Tokyo organizing committee divulged that this was a last-ditch attempt to salvage the Games. Enthusiasm for the Games has plummeted in Japan since COVID-19 arrived in January. An opinion poll by the Kyodo news agency found just 23% of people in Japan now support holding the Games if COVID-19 infections are still widespread next year. But this strategic intervention promises to change the situation. A check with American Airlines revealed that ticket bookings to Tokyo next year during the Games period skyrocketed 580% within 24 hours of Baba’s revelation. Her teasing suggestion in the post that those who come to Tokyo to support the Games might get the chance to be intimate with her certainly did not hurt. Although Baba is no stranger to posing nude, having done so for the Japanese equivalent of Sports Illustrated just last year (see below), doing the same in public still marks a bold step forward for the 25-year-old starlet.

On the political front, Baba’s stunt has most surely dealt a finishing blow to Joe Biden’s chances in the upcoming presidential election. Having campaigned hard on listening to science and keeping the country locked down until it is safe to open up, it is now too late for Biden to reverse course, which means he is going against the wishes of basically all males in the country. Trump wasted no time in reveling in this good news, scream-tweeting in his usual all-caps fashion: “VOTE FOR SLEEPY JOE, AND YOU WILL BE STUCK WHERE YOU ARE NOW NEXT YEAR WHILE MILLIONS OF MEN HAVE THEIR WAY WITH FUMIKA BABA. IS THAT WHAT YOUR COCK WANTS? I DON’T THINK SO!” An aide to Biden’s campaign confessed the morale within the camp is at an all-time low. “Nobody has a counter-plan,” he said, requesting anonymity. “Obviously everyone wants to go. Hell, even I do. Trump has won without lifting a finger. It’s over.”

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