Preparations and Nightfall

You bounce around for the rest of the day, helping where you’re needed and making sure that your little band of survivors doesn’t devolve into a fistfight.

By the time the sun sets, you’re mentally drained and have collapsed on the couch in your apartment. Charlie’s essentials were moved out early on once the decision had been made that he’d stay the night in Alex’s apartment, and you were left staring at the ceiling as the day’s events catch up in full.

This was life now. You don’t know how to feel about that.

As you sink deeper into thought, your contemplation is interrupted by a knock on your door. Standing up, you open the door to find Heather outside.

“Hey.” The brunette smiles at you, but she looks tense. “Um… Do you mind if we talk, just for a bit?”

“I… sure?” You open the door for her, and she stands awkwardly as you leave the door open just slightly. Moving over to the couch, you motion for her to sit. “What’s up?”

“I….” She stops, her lips curling slightly. “I wanted to say sorry. For earlier. I was kind of….” She grimaces, shifting in her seat. “I was out of line. I got offended and I didn’t have the right.”

“Yeah, I… noticed, kind of.” Watching her expression, you decide to press slightly. “I don’t know why, though.” She visibly swallows before shrugging.

“I… was surprised, I guess.” Her eyes are aimed at the floor, and she looks frustrated. “It’s not like I never noticed, you know?” Looking at you, she raises an eyebrow. “Because I did. I wasn’t as oblivious as you thought. I saw the look you got on your face sometimes, the way you looked at… at me.” Licking her lips, she sighs. “I just started to take it for granted, I guess. Fuck, I don’t even know.”

You’re left with about a dozen different reactions spinning inside your head, ranging from oh shit what to yes yes yes, and you don’t know which one is strongest.

“I didn’t know.” Something on your face must be betraying your inner screaming, because Heather’s face falls.

“Yeah.” She sighs again, frowning. “I don’t know why I… no, that’s not right, I do know why I never discouraged it or shot you down, but I feel like a bitch for it.”

“Yeah?” You lean in slightly, half-hoping that she’ll tell you and half afraid of what might happen if she does.

“It felt nice.” Her eyes are again locked downward, and her arms are crossed defensively. “You’re not a bad guy, Michael. And sure, I had fun with Charlie, but I sometimes felt like I was clinging to a thread with him. I’d start to reach the end of my rope, and he’d do something that showed me he cared. It was exhausting.” She slumps, leaning on her knees and pursing her lips. “But part of me always wanted to think that it was real, so I never really tried to leave.”

“You didn’t deserve that.” You didn’t think you could have your opinion of Charlie lowered even further, but this? “He was manipulating you, Heather.”

“Still, I fell for it, right? And then I would see you looking at me and I’d just… let you. I liked it. Liked feeling desirable like that.” She’s put her head in her hands now, and her breathing is shaky. “Like I was more than just a pretty face. Even if we didn’t really talk, it still felt like you weren’t just looking at me because of my tits.” She leans back to stare at the ceiling, and you briefly feel your gaze drawn to the column of her throat before you drag your eyes back to her face. “So when things broke down yesterday, I just wanted to find something normal, you know?”

“Yeah.” You nod, slowly. The knowledge that your crush had not only known about your attentions but liked them without ever saying so was a little overwhelming, but you crack down on your wandering thoughts before they can go too far. Heather didn’t seem done with her explanation, and you aren’t about to get pulled into something on the same day as you’ve started something with Sam. “I don’t know what happened outside, but it sounded like Charlie fucked up pretty bad.” You smile a little as she huffs out a laugh. “Bad enough that you’re leaving him, huh?”

“It was the last straw, honestly.” She looks a little less beaten down, and her expression is a little brighter, but now there’s a quirk to her lips that threatens to stretch into a snarl. “Charlie, Alex and I hid out in the school at first. There were a few places where we could lock doors and stay quiet, but it wasn’t long before we realized it wasn’t going to be that easy. The… infected, zombies, fuck-monsters, whatever the hell they are, just didn’t go away, so waiting for them to leave wasn’t going to cut it.” She frowns, her hazel eyes darkening. “So we had to get out and get somewhere safe.”

“And you thought of the apartments?”

“It was the obvious answer. They’re basically small homes anyway, and most of them had food and everything inside.” She makes eye contact with you, and her expression tightens. “We got out through a window, and the first stretch wasn’t too bad, except….” She swallows, and her next breath is long and deep. “There were still a few people in the school. We didn’t see what happened to all of them, but… one or two were being… being eaten, and I saw a girl I knew being… uh… topped by one of those ones with the…” she interrupts her description to gesture with her hands, “the huge cock. And I heard screams from one hallway and just ran.”

“Sam and I saw one of those too.” You frown. “But it was a woman. The guy she was fucking got bitten, and he seemed to become another one like that. It seemed like the point was to create noise.”

“They’re damn good at that, then.” Heather visibly shivers. “But when we got out to the campus, things just… Some people were running in different directions, trying to get to safety on their own, and another group was trying to start a bus, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen if I was caught, and then….” She screws her eyes shut. “There was a… pack or something of the basic ones coming. They’d heard us talking, and we were almost surrounded… Charlie just bolted. He didn’t even hesitate, he just tried to save his own skin. Alex threw a bottle he found to distract them, but it was….” She’s shaking, and her hands are clenched into fists on her knees. “I thought I was going to die, and all I could think was ‘he left me, he left me and he didn’t even try.’” She lets out something between a laugh and a sob. “That asshole was going to let me die, for fuck’s sake!” Her eyes lock with yours again, and you’re frozen by the intensity of her gaze.

“So when you let us in, I was just so angry and hurt, and I knew you had at least been attracted to me, so I latched onto it and tried to….” She looks away, apparently ashamed. “To feel wanted again. To get back something normal and reassure myself that Charlie leaving wasn’t about me. That he was the one who was wrong, because there was a voice in the back of my head that kept standing up for him….” She looks at you again, and the anger is gone, replaced with hurt and unshielded worry. “I was going to use you to make myself feel better, and the only reason I realize it is because you said no. I’m… I’m sorry, Michael.”

You know you should probably be outraged, angry, offended. You know that what she was apparently was trying to do was wrong, both because it would have been a lie on her own part and because it would have been taking advantage of you. And you are angry. You are. You can feel that familiar burn in your chest as you think about everything she said. But only part of it is directed at Heather. More is directed at your former roommate, for having apparently broken down the girl in front of you to the point where she would feel the need to attempt what she did.

“Thank you.” You look away, lips tight. “For telling me. I appreciate the honesty.” Looking back to her, you try to show on your face that you aren’t about to explode into a rage. “And I’m sorry that you didn’t have someone to help you more.” She shakes her head, smiling ruefully.

“See, that?” She points at you. “You should be furious with me, but you’re focusing on how I was hurt.” She shakes her head. “You’re a good guy, Michael. Sam’s damn lucky. But you really should get angry at me. I deserve it.”

“I am, believe me.” You decide that being honest is the best choice here. Better to avoid misunderstandings that way. “I just know that you’re a victim too. Charlie treated you badly, and that affected the way you handled things.” You shrug. “I’m not just going to trust you completely. But you were open with me about this, and that’s letting me handle it better. I’ll get past it.” You think her eyes are watering.

“You sure?” She lets out a quiet chuckle.

“I’m sure. You were being bitchy, but you’re not a bitch yourself, you know?” Her small smile is a welcome sight. “It’ll be okay. Now you,” you say, pointing at her, “should go get some sleep, I think.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. I’m in that gray area where you feel like you want to collapse into bed without even taking your clothes off, but you also feel so tired that you don’t think you’ll sleep at all.” She stands up, stretching a little before smiling at you. “I… thank you. Again. For talking, and for… for not hating my guts.”

“Hey, I’m here, I have ears. I’m happy to listen.” Knowing what you do now, Heather seems less ethereal than she did that morning. Even if she regrets it, what she did does hurt, and it seems like that’s **** your mind to begin looking past your crush. It doesn’t seem gone, but you don’t feel drawn to her the same way. The smile she throws your way as she walks towards the door doesn’t hit you like a punch in the gut the way it might have only a few hours ago. Not the way your chest tightens when you see Sam outside the door, leaning against the opposite wall.