Paige

Plopping down on my bed, I leaned back and stared at the ceiling.

That wasn’t awkward at all.

The conversation in the morning was unexpected. I wished it had come at a more opportune time, but it gave me some perspective. I wasn’t happy that Kaylee was fully committed to continue sleeping with other guys, but I felt slightly better after finding where I stood in our relationship. I don’t think I would ever be truly comfortable with it, but I knew it could still work. After all, Mom and Dad had that sort of relationship. They loved and cared about each other despite that little flaw in their relationship. Maybe in time, Kaylee would be more like Mom. She still slept with other guys from time to time, but not nearly as much as other women her age. Besides, Kaylee was hardly unique in her mindset. She was perfectly normal in wanting to sleep with as many guys as she could. It was me who was the weird one, and I knew that.

Poor Kaylee. She had her pick of guys and she picked the most complicated of them all.

But the conversation wasn’t really what was bothering me right now. That last part in the car. The promise Kaylee made me swear to. Of course I wasn’t going to sleep with her mom. Why had she made me swear to that with such an expression on her face?

The door burst open. Jumping at the noise, I found Paige standing there. Of course, the goblin didn’t knock. She never had, and probably never would.

“Damn it, Paige. What the fuck?”

She gave me a once over. “Well, you’re not masturbating, so I’ll take that as a good sign.”

I shook my head. What was wrong with her? “I’m not in the mood.” She didn’t care. Of course she didn’t. She strolled into my room and plopped down next to me, the bed bouncing slightly from her weight.

“Tired out from last night?” I sighed. Why couldn’t she take a hint? “I’m surprised Kaylee had any energy left. I hear the game was a killer.” Her smile widened. “Then again, I hear the after celebrations were… exhausting.” Holding up her phone, I immediately recognized what was happening. The cheers were drowning out most of the sound, but I didn’t need that to see what was happening. Kaylee was atop James, hips bucking wildly as she held his face between her breasts. I recognized it because I’d seen it from a different angle. She looked… ecstatic. She even looked at the camera when the holder gave some catcalls, giving it a wink before laughing and redoubling her efforts.

“What the fuck,” I said, reaching for the phone. Paige nimbly dodged, hopping off the bed before I could grab her.

“Want me to send it to you?”

“Why do you even have that?”

“I’m friends with a few of the juniors.” She slid the phone in her pocket. “So, how were the sloppy seconds?”

“Fuck you, Paige.”

“That bad?” She laughed.

“Just get out.”

In typical fashion, she ignored me. I tried to shoo her out, but gave up and went to my desk. I heard the bed creak as she flopped back on it. “Still a virgin at this age.” She made a clicking noise with her tongue.

With everything else, I did not need Paige’s shit too. My already limited patience was close to snapping. “Paige, I’m really not in the mood for this right now.”

She let out a long sigh as if I were the issue. “What’s wrong?”

“You.”

“Nope. You in a pissy mood after coming back from Kaylee’s? Something happened.” There was a slight pause. “Was it because of what happened on the bus?”

“No.” At least not regarding what happened on the video. I still couldn’t believe that someone recorded it, or that it had spread enough that Paige had it. Did Kaylee know? She didn’t seem upset with someone recording her.

“Why didn’t you have sex with her?”

I spun in my chair. She was sprawled out over my bed, looking up at the ceiling. She always seemed so carefree. Nothing bothered her. Even when she found out the secret Mom and Dad were hiding, she bounced back pretty fast. “You know why.”

She rolled over. Bending her legs, she kicked her feet back and forth in the air as she stared at me. “You’re an idiot if you’re letting that stop you.” I couldn’t believe she said that knowing what she did. Maybe it didn’t seem that big a deal for someone on the outside, but whenever things got intimate with Kaylee I couldn’t help but feel the panic eat at me. One slip up was all it took for shit to go wrong. I shook my head. If she didn’t see the problem, no amount of me explaining was going to change that. Paige didn’t seem to like that, her brows furrowing in anger.

“You want to do stuff with her, right?”

“Of course.”

“Then do it.”

“Jesus, Paige. You know—”

“I’m not talking about sex. You do know there are other things to do? You offer to finger her? Eat her out? Play with her tits?” Was I really talking about this with Paige? I spun around in my chair, not answering her as I hunched over my desk. “Of course not. Virgin like you can only think about one thing. I bet you never even considered anal. Not all girls are into that, but it never hurts to ask. You have options galore but you sit and wallow in your, ‘woe is me’ bullshit. Poor Kaylee. She finally goes and gets herself a boyfriend only to have him too scared to even touch her.”

Her being right only fueled my anger. I’d been so focused on our inability to have sex, I completely blocked out everything else. It would still require me to be careful things didn’t get carried away, but there was no reason—

A blast of noise came from behind me. Turning, I found Paige still on my bed, watching her phone. I didn’t need to see the screen to know she was watching the video of Kaylee on the bus. “God, she has nice tits.” Paige looked down at her chest and sighed. “Ah, well. I guess it doesn’t matter too much. Plenty of guys out there willing to fuck her. Probably better than a virgin like you could too. Maybe it’s best that you leave it to—”

Something snapped as I grabbed the first thing—the workbook I’d been working on earlier—and chucked it at her. It nailed her right on the top of the head. “Ow!” she yelled, jerking up and rubbing her sore head. “The fuck, Scott!” She dropped her phone on the bed as she rolled over. It continued to play as she glared at me.

“Get the fuck out of my room.”

She was still rubbing her head. “Here I am trying to fucking help you and all you can do is take your anger out on me? Real fucking mature, asshole.”

“If your idea of helping is making me feel a thousand times worse, mission accomplished.”

“That—”

“Just get out, Paige.” She looked like she was going to say something, then stopped. Her expression hardened and she grabbed her phone.

“Fine. You're clearly doing a great job all by yourself.” Paige stopped by the door, looking over her shoulder. “Maybe she’ll record more videos for you and you can just sit in here and ‘bate to them since that seems as close as you want to get to her.”

She slammed the door behind her. I could already hear Mom yelling about the noise.

Running my hands through my hair, I sagged back into the chair. Now I felt even worse. I hated that Paige was right. Classic her, she had delivered it in the worst possible fashion. It didn’t change that I was a coward. I always had been. I had been too afraid to make a move on Kaylee in the years I knew her. Even if girls were the ones who usually asked guys out, I could have been more obvious that I was interested. Then again, that tradition didn’t stop the countless guys from taking the plunge and asking her out. The only reason I managed was because events just happened to work in my favor. I would have been spared some mental anguish if I just went and asked her out.

Even now, I was too afraid to do anything. Paige had given me plenty of things I could have done. Even today when I was kissing Kaylee, I had stopped before things got too heated. The way she looked at me, it was clear that she wanted me to continue. It didn’t matter what, just that it was me doing it. But I let that fear control me. I pulled away, not trusting myself or her. Through actions and words, she told me that there was zero pressure for me to do anything more than what I wanted. I wanted so much. I wanted to touch her. To kiss her. To make her cry my name as we made love.

Yet I was too cowardly to do anything.

Sliding out of the chair, I grabbed my workbook from the bed. I still had a long way to go. I needed to control the fear that paralyzed me and kept me from living life. I couldn’t rely on luck and Kaylee to pull me into the life I wanted for myself and the people I cared about. She deserved more, and I deserved more too.

As with everything in life, all that was easier said than done.