Sarah Has an Epiphany

Sarah softens her grip around your testicles and looks into your wettened, panicked eyes. For the first time, she realizes the importance of the two orbs in her hands. She realizes that in her hands holds the key to future generations, babies that may contribute countless benefits to humankind.

“You know, all my life I’ve considered testicles mere entertainment for girls like me to pop for our amusement. But now, for some odd reason, with your balls in my hand, I’ve had an epiphany. These aren’t just toys in my hand, these balls hold billions of unborn lives. Only a psychopath would crush balls so callously, without giving it any thought. Can I ask you a few questions? You can just nod your head if you’re in too much pain to speak.”

You nod your head yes.

“Okay. So do you eventually want to have kids?”

You nod your head yes.

“Hm, alright. And your mother, has she ever told you that one day she wants to have grandkids?”

You nod your head yes.

“Wow. Now this is just a hunch, so correct me if i’m wrong, but you strike me as an only son. Am I right about that?”

The fear and pain has subsided just enough for you to be able to speak. “Yes”, you say.

“So that means you’re the only person who can continue your family line? Which means these balls mean a helluva lot more to you than they would for any other man?”

“Yes. They do. Please just let me go. I’m so sorry.”

“So just to summarize. You’re an only child who eventually wants to have kids, and your mother has told you that one day she wants to have grandkids. So you’d have to be either a selfish prick, a schmuck, or an arrogant piece of shit to risk your fertility by signing up for a mixed-gender wrestling tournament, don’t ya think?”

The fear returns to your soul as you see the look in her eyes change from gentle understanding to a look of pure anger. You knew you’d have to think of a clever way to get out of this situation if you wished to keep your balls.

“Please,” you plead “please don’t crush my balls. Think about how my mom would feel. This isn’t just about me anymore. Yes, I was stupid to join this fight without thinking of the potential consequences, and if I had siblings in my family who would be able to provide grandkids for her without my help, you’d have every right to castrate me”.

She interrupts, “I have every right to castrate you now you manipulative fuck. You think bringing up your mother is going to make me forget about your selfishness? Where’s your phone?”

“What? Why do you need my phone?”

“Hand me your fucking phone right now or I swear to God I will pop them”. She tightens her grip again, causing you to wince.