The Nuclear option!

Meanwhile on the bridge of the Helicarrier…

“Bridge, give me a damn visual down there! Here I am standing for an hour and NO one has turned on the damn screen!” Barked Nick Fury, sipping at his coffee while the crew scrambled to work. “And who the hell brewed this today? I swear some motherfucker’s gonna learn to make some decent coffee on this motherfucking ship!”

“Yes sir!”

“First the budget cuts on our sweetener, then the ashtrays, now the damn coffee, I NEED my motherfucking coffee to get through the motherfucking day! The day my coffee don’t meet to par I’m firing all your asses to get the funds for good fucking coffee again!”

“Yes sir!” Chirped out one of the crew members as a screen was lowered and activated to show what was happening in the city of Vegas. Making everyone gasp when they found the screen showing three gigantic monsters chasing Iron Man around like cats chasing a firefly.

“The HELL am I looking at soldier?” Barked Nick Fury, glaring at the image with his one good eye.

“Looks like Iron Man pissed off the She-Hulks again sir… Like REALLY pissed them off!!!”

“Wouldn’t be the first-time soldier, get this flying boat over there pronto! I want a front-row seat if this goes south!”

“Yes Sir!”

*

“JEN! You’re being completely irrational!” Screamed Tony, darting back and forth to avoid the three massive She-Hulks. Despite being several stories tall and most likely weighing as much as a city block worth of houses, the trio of giant reptilian monster women were pretty quick. He had given up trying to zap them with his repulsers LONG ago when all it did was make Lyra giggle from being shot in the chest. “Im gonna getcha! I’m gonna GETCHA!” Tittered the Green skinned kaiju woman, swiping her four claws up in the air to catch Iron Man.

“Come back here little bug, mama Shulky’s got CRAVINGS!” Reaching out with one of her clawed hands, Tony yelped when he just barely avoided getting caught, only to dart out of the way of Betty as she flailed out to catch him in the air.

“HONESTLY! What the hell has gotten into you three?!” He cried out, using his missile launchers to make a smoke screen to blind them, and getting the shock of his life when the blasts were inhaled by Betty. “You could have just held an online poll, and everyone would have been happy, but NOOoooooo, you all had to get lugged up on gamma radiation to become monsters!”

“Hey, watch your mouth!”

“Yeah! It’s not easy being big, hot and green!”

“BITCH! You’re a bunch of MONSTERS! You ATE Las Vegas!!!! Why couldn’t you have eaten Reno? Now you’re a bunch of big fat monsters!”

“WHO are you calling fat?! We’re expecting!”

Stunned, Tony needed a second to process that as he blinked behind his helmet in shock. “You’re all pregnant?!!!” Noticing far too late, Tony found a looming shadow behind him, just as a massive green claw caught him in the air, and the last thing he saw was looking into the open jaws of the Hulk before being swallowed whole.

“BRUCE! WE wanted to eat him!” Complained the three expectant kaiju women, surrounding the Hulk as he stood there scratching his thigh and shrugging at the complaint.

*

Spitting out his coffee in horror, the rest of the bridge crew of the Helicarrier could only look on as Tony Stark had been eaten like a fly snatched up by a toad by the massive Hulk monster, his last act causing an explosion in the Hulk’s stomach that was briefly acknowledged by the monster before he lumbered off to find something else to eat.

“THAT’S IT! I’M TIRED OF THIS MOTHERFUCKING COFFEE ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING SHIP!” Throwing his mug across the bridge, Fury pulled out a key from his pocket and used it to unlock a control panel at his command pulpit, one showing a very large and threatening red button.

“Sir… Is that REALLY necessary?”

“The hell it isn’t! YOU wanna go down there and calm down a gaggle of Hulks?”

The entire bridge crew mumbled and tried to look like they had something else to do as they were all put on the spotlight on how to deal with the Hulks.

“Yeah! Thought so Motherfuckers! Besides, I’m about to clear ALL your gambling debts!” Swirling his finger over the button, Nick Fury pressed the button to the Nuclear missile launcher.