Dinner Time Encounter

“What is this?” Artemis asked, humor colouring her voice. The two of you are back at your home in Tarentum, settling in for some dinner. Artemis was also completely naked, sitting in the carved wooden chair at the dining table in nothing but a smile. You had opted to join her, knowing you were probably not going to be needing those clothes after dinner anyway.

“They called it ‘Chicken Schnitzel’ back where I’m from, it’s chicken breast dipped in an egg mixture, and coated with breadcrumbs and flour” you explain while Artemis poked the piece of crumbed protein.

“It’s crispy,” she noted. You chuckled as you got to your own food, cutting it up and eating it with your hands, cause forks weren’t invented yet.

“One of these days I’m going to introduce chopsticks” you mutter, scooping up some mushy peas a piece of chicken.

“Chopsticks? They sound vicious” Artemis commented as she got to her own meal. “Still can’t believe you just created an animal just like that” the silver goddess muttered, shaking her head. “I remember when Poseidon did it and everybody was in awe at the creature he created” she continued “What are you calling them anyway?” she asked.

“Quiphant” you said simply.

“Quiphant?” Artemis asked “Rolls off the tongue actually” she commented, saying the word a few more times to herself.

“I gave Strabo care instructions and rules I expect to be followed, so I’m not too worried but I still can’t help feeling a little . . .” you say, trailing off. Artemis gave you a smile.

“The first time someone killed a horse, Poseidon destroyed their whole village” she told you. It was a very nice smile she was giving you.

The moment might have lasted longer, but for the intrusion downstairs. Both you and Artemis felt it and snapped to attention. The sound of breaking pottery came from downstairs and the cacophony of multiple men making noise reached you. The two of you got up and threw on your tunics, belting on your swords in record time. You did stop to admire how Artemis’ sword belt made her otherwise loose tunic frame her body nicely, before you got your head in game, sword out and ready for a fight.

You rushed down the stairs with your sword held out of view and came upon the sight of the tax collector you met when you first arrived. With him were at least six armed goons, some with axes, one with a sword, all in chainmail. They all looked the part of a barbarian warrior.

“Ahh, if it isn’t mister tax avoider!” the tax collector sneered. It wasn’t lost on you that he took a step behind one of the soldiers.

“If it isn’t the cowardly tax collector who thought he could double charge people” you reply.

“Yer comin’ with us!” growled the soldier with the sword.

“Ey look boss! ‘Ees got a woman!” one of the other men cheered, looking at Artemis with a hungry expression. The swordsman grinned at you as he heard this.

“So ‘ee does” the swordsman replied. “Jed, you ‘n me’ll hold ‘im down first, everyone else gets a go and then it’ll be our turn” the swordsmen ordered.

“But I wanna go when she’s still tight!” the one that was probably Jed whined.

“You’ll get what ya given!” the swordsman snapped back. All the while the tax collector had a massive shit eating grin on his face.

“I hope you realise they’re all dead” you say to the collector. A flicker of concern was seen in the eyes of the tax collector even as the men started laughing. Your only concern now was how to kill them, you could easily do it with your sword, their armour wouldn’t stop the divine blade or you could just vapourise them then and there but that might be pushing it a little.

“No god powers, they all have crosses, he’ll notice” Artemis whispers in your ear. That made your options pretty clear then, you dashed forward, surprising the soldiers. The swordsmen tried to react, and truthfully, he was probably a veteran of several battles, you however are a god and your blade slices across his chest. The soldier obviously didn’t think to stop this because of his armour, and that was his mistake as blood began flowing from the wound on his chest. The next closest guy reacted, swinging his axe at you with a furious warcry only to receive an arrow through his eye socket. You ignored this fact for the moment, turned and saw the next guy charging at you with a club. You simply grabbed his hand and shoved your sword into his chest, pulling it out again and kicking him to the floor. The last three guys were a lot more cautious, looking around, knowing they had just lost three men in only a few seconds. Finally they found their courage, and the three of them charged you, one went down to an arrow, you kicked a mostly intact pot into the leg of another who stumbled leaving the last to take you on alone. One swipe of your sword and his head went rolling across the floor, while an arrow finished off the guy who had stumbled.

You turned and looked at the tax collector, the man was shaking and trying to stay out of the rapidly expanding pools of blood on the floors.

“It’s struck me that we haven’t paid taxes yet since setting up shop, when do you normally collect them?” you ask the man who squeaked in response, his whole body shaking and a growing wet spot on his trousers showing he had lost control of his bladder.

“He asked you a question” came the cold and icy voice of Artemis. You turned to look at her and noticed her bow in her hands, you had no idea she even had one on hand but she IS the goddess of archery after all.

“W-w-w-weekly” the man stammered.

“Excellent, we’ve been here a week, due for some taxation uhh Artemis my dear, be so kind as to get a reasonable amount would you?” you say, giving the man and then Artemis a smile. The silver goddess smiled in return before going back upstairs. You take a seat on the counter and watch the shivering tax collector, your sword resting around your thigh.

Artemis came back only a few seconds later with a small pouch of coins. She handed the pouch to the tax collector who took it with shaking hands. With that done, you nodded towards the door. The tax collector made for it but tripped on the severed head of one of the soldiers, landing face first into a pool of blood. The tax collector screamed and threw himself out of the shop, the sounds of retching coming from the street outside moments after he left.

“You know, I feel a little bad for the man” you say “That may have been excessive” you add.

“Serves him right, you saw his expression when he heard the men talking about **** me” Artemis replied “by the Styx what a mess you’ve made! Clean this up dear or you’re sleeping on the floor!”

“Yes dear!” you reply, snapping your fingers. A flash of sunlight washed the room out and then everything was back the way it was before, no bodies, no blood and no broken pottery. You shake your head as you turn to go back upstairs, don’t want your dinner getting cold after all.