Norm the Wino

Norm had been too drunk to even walk to the shelter, let alone to be let in. That was how he ended up spending the night in the dumpster, cuddling an empty bottle of Lord Calvert’s Fine Canadian Whisky. He had stolen the bottle out of the back of a convertible that some idiot had left unattended. It was the best hooch he had gotten a hold of in months and Norm had planned to make it last. Norm was never very good at planning.

When he woke up, confused and hung over, he groped about for the bottle. Instead, he found an odd little bone. He squinted at it.

“What the fuck?” he said, seeing that it wasn’t a chicken bone or anything else he could hope to get any nourishment out of. It almost looked fossilized. He was about to toss it when it seemed to throb in his hand. Norm jumped. He was in a bad way. He could really use a drink. Just a little one. He held on to the bone, not sure why, just unwilling to discard it just yet. Maybe after he managed to find a drink.

Crawling out of the dumpster hung over proved more difficult than crawling in drunk, but Norm managed it eventually. He looked down at his ragged clothes and sniffed. He was a mess. Folks would pay good money to keep him away from them if he could just get close to them.

He staggered out of the alley and sat down on the sidewalk, leaning against a building. He just had to wait for someone to walk by and he could start begging. With any luck, he’d have enough for a 40 ouncer by noon.

He saw a well-dressed Caucasian couple up the street. Unfortunately, they saw him as well. The woman put her hand on the man’s arm and they stopped, then both looked back to the corner and the cross walk.

“Come on, sweetie,” Norm muttered. “Don’t be shy. Come to Normie. I won’t bite.”

The forgotten bone in his hand throbbed. He stared at it, startled, but it just lay there in his palm. He looked up, certain his mark would be half way across the street, but the woman was striding towards him with a confident smile on her face. The man was following half a step behind looking confused and nervous. Had Norm lucked out? Was this some bleeding heart who wanted to take him under her wing? He sure hoped so. The bone throbbed in his hand. He looked at it again, then looked up as the curvy brunette in the tailored suit and designer shoes came between him and the rising sun.

“Oh you poor man!” she said, her big brown eyes full of compassion. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”