Mimi says a mouthful

What is it with French people love for David Hasslehoff?
“I do not understand, though I sink you are speaking of ze Gerrmanns. We French, we are about wine, cheese, and making ze love. And I’m all out of cheese and wine.” She winks and licks her lips.”

How you learn Ze English
“I was given lessons by a tutor Mees McVan hired for moi. She was very good, though I had to how you zay… hospitalize her when she tried to make me lose my accent. I zink it is very sexy, do you not? I can sometimes speak very good English, but I find zis makes for making my enemies fooled and aroused.”

What can America learn from you and what can your people learn from us?
“Americans, zey could learn to enjoy zemselves a bit less. We French like to indulge in sings, but we do zem in our free time. In America, you slack at everything you do. It is why you produce such veek men and women. Very few champion fighters from America, and not a seengle martial art. Even we French have a style of kickboxeeng. We could perhaps learn to swindle ze rest of ze world with our power and authority to make zem allow us to raid other countries, fall into debt, and aggravate other countries.”

Is it hard to do fighting moves in that outfit?
“Oh, non! You zee, ze skirt is very short, and it is quite loose-fitting. It does not confine my movement at all, so long as one has such a zexy body as mine that you do not care about people peeking at your naughties. I shall have to show you how agile I can be later.”

Aren’t you afraid of hurting your pretty face?
“You are sweet to say, but I am certainly safe. Very few girls ever seriously hurt in this league, just embarrassed or injured. Besides, zis would mean zat my opponents would have to ween a match against me, and I see to it zat does not ‘appen. Also, I am so very beau, not even a wrecking ball or a guillotine could make it look ugly.”

What do you say about people who say French cowardly, I would never say that of course?
“Of course you would not, dear. You treasure your testicles, and like zem in one piece, so you would never say that. Ze French have quite a bloody history, as I’m sure I shall as well very zoon.”

What was your duties as the Baroness's Maid?
“I was one of her favorites. Zat is, I was one to do much of her work. I sink she was jealous of my pretty, and made me work as her bodyguard, assistant in matches, and sexual ****. I hope to someday return the favor.”

With a gimmick like French maid and cheerleaders, doesn’t that make people question your skillz in the ring, and think most of the fighting is fake? That your all just actors using wires and fake blood to do your moves?

“Ah, you are ze masochist zey have talked about! Ze one who likes to get slapped and stretched and bit and sat on by ze pretty muscle girls. Oui, oui, I can see zis gets you very excited indeed. So many people say zis, though these people have rarely seen our fights in person. It may zeem unusual on television, but we do have our reasons to act strange. Some of us are egotists, zome mad, zome looking for extra money with a zilly act to draw ze fans. Moi loves how ze uniform shows off mon perfection, and it eez all I zeem to remember of my past. Perhaps zome day I shall try an original costume. Somesing even skimpier, perhaps?

“But I assure you, our wrestling is painfully real. Perhaps you would like I show you my moves sometimes, hm?”