From the darkest nights, comes the brightest dawns

At first, all hope appears to be lost.

Dwayne is timing Will perfectly and he's just toying with him for the first few minutes of the second fall. Will is in the red and Annika is already thinking about clearing off the table as Dwayne runs the ropes for a high clothesline, but Will times it and Dwayne is sent flying outside the ring.

The physics engine wigs out as Mr. Ass clips the top rope before shuttering 500 ft in the air like a bugged Skyrim dragon.

Eventually the frame-rate tanks to what has to be single digits and you see, in wondrous slow-motion Billy Gunn crash onto the ringside steps. Collision detection causes him to take about 500 hits that cause his character to become head-to-toe red, 0%. "NO FUCKING WAY!" Dwayne says as he frantically mashes every button on the controller.

Will collects himself and just covers him on the outside. One-Two-Three. 1-1. Dwayne can't even process his rage. Nor can he process when Will covers him again, One-Two... KICK OUT at Two-a-Half!

A ridiculous "Let's go Road Dogg, Cena Sucks!" chant starts up as Dwayne finally grasps the english language. "You gotta be fucking kidding! No way this counts! Remake! Remake! Fuck This Game, Remake!" He burns a hole through Annika's head "Call REMAKE!" Annika looks around the room and says "Vote for a remake?" Not a single hand raises, and she smiles "NOT GRANTED!"

Will presses the attack and a decent match finally comes out of this. Will reverses Dwayne, he's so rattled he can't counter anything and it's just rock-em sock-em robots before Will hits the counter and sends him into the ropes on an Irish whip.

"I can't believe this is happening!" Sam screams out as Road Dogg seizes control with a clothesline. "AWAUGHT-AWAUGHT-AWAUGHT!" Will calls out with exaggerated dog expressions right into Dwayne's face as his finisher indicator flashes on the screen. "You gonna get your comeuppance, on this here black dick!"

Will runs into the ropes and looks a gift horse directly into the mouth as he attempts the wobbly knee'd theatrical elbow drop that Dwayne rolls away from. "I'm just gonna beat you, even with the single biggest piece of bullshit of all-time."

He turns back to her. "I'm gonna make it hurt for this, Annika! No lube, I'm going in raw and hard!" He gets up and does what every intelligent wrestler does in this spot. Climbs to the top-rope, and of course immediately gets countered with a boot to the face.

Will manages a cover. "NAH-NAH-NAH-NAH!" 1-2-2.5! Dwayne beams, "I think I know how to kick out! AND NOW YOU'RE FUCKED!" When he gets to his feet he lands a reversal, and presses R.

FAMEASSER! THE COVER 1-2... HE KICKED OUT! HE KICKED OUT!

Annika almost shits herself, twice." Will looks over "HAPPY LEARNED HOW TO KICKOUT TOO!" Jake leads a "HOLY SHIT!" chant with Sam, but it's a bit too realistic a chant for her at the moment.

The clock reads 9:55 in match length, but this bout of pure serendipity is better than anything WWE has put on in a while. "I've got you!" Dwayne calls out as he locks in the first submission of the match but he flubs the positioning and it's immediately a rope-break.

Annika squeaks when Will counters a punch and wastes his finisher on the Shake-Rattle-And-Roll and not Doggy Style. He covers 1-2- Just as she feared. "WHAT'S GONNA KEEP HIM DOWN! Michael Cole screams through the TV.

"THIS IS AWESOME!" The video game crowd rains out. And the people without anuses at stake on this ridiculous video game join in.

Will drags Dwayne up to his feet and slams a number of strikes into his video game face until he's backed into the corner. Road Dogg climbs onto the second rope and begins to punch down 1-2-3-4-5-6-7, Dwayne flubs the counter, 8-9-10.

He gives the crowd a crotch chop that gives him his finisher back, but The Assman hits a lunging clothesline to take back control. He picks Road Dog up for a standing suplex, but MISTAKE! The counter puts Road Dogg behind him in the perfect spot to PRESS R!

Will's character grabs THE ASSMAN AND COMPLETES THE DREAM! TWO HARD THRUSTS! AND THE DOGGY STYLE! WILL COVERS! 1.... "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!".... 2.... "THIS IS BULLSHIT!" 3! Wayne spikes the controller and drops to the couch in shock!

IT'S OVER! And Annika collapses as the pressure in her head becomes too much.

AND YOUR WINNER.... AND NEW! UNDISPUTED! AHW HARDCORE CHAMPION! ...WILL!

He jumps over the couch and Stone Cold's her beer all over himself... "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" And he lifts the ridiculous title, after winning the most ridiculous match, in the history of ridiculous video game wrestling!