An obese thirty-ish man

You're not fully comfortable with the idea of making out with normal humans. You decide to cope by picking out the hairiest person you can find. He looks obese and unsanitary, but you guess that personality might make up for it? You let Susan hang low at the bar while you go talk to the guy.

Sophie: "Hi there."

Gerard: "Egads, a young woman! (I must catalogue this occasion for the sake of posterity)"

The man furiously scribbles down notes while mumbling to himself.

Gerard: "(Catgirl... 5f 10in tall... 38G cups... visible 8-pack... o lawdy...)

Sophie: "Uh..."

Gerard: "ONE MOMENT PLEASE, this is important..."

The man hastily stoves away the notebook into his backpack, before extending a greasy hand to shake yours with.

Gerard: "M'lady, I see that you have a very refined taste in choosing your partners. My name is Gerard, IQ 178, a protector of a lady's honor, and an aficinado of Eastern animated serials, (also known as anime)."

Sophie: "Uhh, I see. I never specifically asked you out yet, though-"

Gerard: "Ack! A simple misjudgement on your part, M'lady. There is no doubt that such a well-stocked specimen such as yourself would dare to speak with a man of culture such as myself, if it weren't for the purposes of romance."

'Well-stocked'? What is this guy on about?

Gerard fetches his notebook back, and shows you the neat little table he's drawn up.

Gerard: "I've made some objective calculations on your attractiveness, and found that you score more than 2 points higher than average on every category that I've yet appraised. This gives you the total estimated rating of 8.2 out of 10.0, and almost certainly guarantees you copulation rights."

You squint your eyes slightly, your mouth slightly and awkwardly agape. 'Copulation rights'????

Gerard: "I simply require a few additional questions to assess whether your intelligence is amicable for my tastes. Number one: What is your opinion on Seinen?"

You have no idea what Seinen is. Nuts to this, you must approach this entirely differently. You lower your voice to a sultry whisper and creep your paw over his hand.

Sophie: "Look... We've been going on about this all wrong..."

This stunts most neurotic reservations Gerard had deluded himself with. His glasses practically fog up and his speech begins to stammer.

Gerard: "I- I... There might be a chance to do this without f-formulating the-eh, the..."

You toss his notebook away. His eyes follow it for a moment as it flies on the boarded floor, but soon he turns back to you.

Sophie: "You humans are so... so calculative and number-driven. It's almost like you've lost your carnal instincts..."

Gerard: "Uh, I-ah, I s-suppose so..."

His face is flushed, and he keeps avoiding your eye contact. He nudges his chair forward, looking very uncomfortable. You pay this no mind, and inattentively fondle your hand up his forearm.

Sophie: "What would you say if I were to... reawaken them?"

Gerard: "A-a-huh! Hn! OH (oh deary), Excuse me M'lady, I've just remembered something of u-utter importance, I-I must be heading off now, it w-was a pleasure speaking with you-"

Gerard knocks down his chair while getting up, haphazardly collects his things and heads off into the bar restroom as quickly as his stubby legs can carry.

Sophie: "What a weird fellow."

You rejoin Susan, who seems to be stifling her laughter.

Susan: "BWAHAHAHA-HA-HA...HA....[MASSIVE **** AND COUGHING FIT] EEEEUUURGH-A-A-AAAHAHAHAAA!"

There she goes falling off her barstool, bent over herself in a hysterical fit. After half a minute or so of causing a scene, she finally gets up, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Sophie: "What?"

Susan: "H-h-ha... Wow Sophie, I legit didn't know that you're just blissfully unaware of how human contact is conducted!"

Sophie: "Did I do something wrong?"

Susan: [MORE WRETCHED COUGHING] "He-hehe... Well not exactly, I think that was just some kind of a mentally ill person."

Sophie: "Damn."

Susan: "Alright, let's try something else. But this time I'm not letting you run off on your own. Don't want to cause another scene."