Let Bryan drive

You and Sophie follow Bryan to the car. He throws his backpack in the back seat and sits in the driver’s seat. You and Sophie climb in the back, with the backpack in between you.

“So are you going to tell us why you are feeling so bookish this morning?” asks Sophie. “How often do you go to the library during the school year?”

“He, that’s so unfair,” says Bryan. “I practically owned the study enclave on the third floor last semester.”

“It doesn’t count if you were manning a glory hole,” said Sophie. “I mean for actual studying.”

“Oh, well if you’re going to be picky like that, then this doesn’t count either. I’m actually helping a friend with a project. Do you remember Alice Nieman?”

“Alice Nieman?” you respond. “You mean Jake Nieman’s daughter?”

“That’s the one. Well, Jake, as you know, works with some bigwig Hollywood movie people, and Alice is following in Daddy’s footsteps. She got this special scholarship for artistic filmmaking, and she’s supposed to film a bunch of artsy-fartsy film shorts over the summer as her big project.”

“And what’s this got to do with you, little brother?” you ask. “Are you in charge of making the popcorn?”

“Very funny, Sis. Actually, I’m going to be in one of the films. The library is closed today, but Alice got special permission to use it for her project. She’s asked a few people to come and help out.”

“You’re going to be in a movie?” you ask, incredulously. “What’s it called? ‘Bryan Bones Bakersfield’? ‘Bryan Bottoms for Bartenders’?”

Sophie joins in. “Oh, wait... I’ve got one: ‘Big-Boned Bryan Bops Big-Bottom Bimbos in Barbados’!”

“Hilarious,” says Bryan, as you and Sophie laugh. “Ten thousand unemployed comedians in this country, and they all seem to find their way into the back of my car.”

“You’ve only had 10,000 people in the back seat?” Sophie asks. “I’m disappointed. I would have guessed it was more like 20,000.”

“He’s only counting girls,” you say, delighting in teasing your brother.

“Anyway,” continues Bryan, ignoring the latest jabs, “This has nothing to do with sex. Alice is a serious artist, and she’s really good at what she does. I don’t really know all the things she has in mind for today, but I’m sure it’s going to be something really special.”

On a hunch, you look at Bryan’s backpack and unzip the front pocket. You reach in and withdraw a fistful of condoms. Holding them up, you say, “‘Nothing to do with sex,’ huh? You’ve got enough protection in here for a Roman orgy.”

Bryan glances at you through the rearview mirror. “Hell, Sis... I just threw those in from force of habit. You know that. Remember when Grandma found the condoms and lube and wanted to know what they were?”

You laugh and look at Sophie. “Bryan was probably 15, and we were staying at our grandmother’s house. Bryan convinced her the condoms were special finger coverings for when his fingers got cold, but he didn’t want to wear full gloves, and he told her the lube was a special kind of sunscreen.”

“Yeah, I don’t think she bought it, though,” said Bryan. “A couple of days later, I told her I was going to go swimming with some girls down the street, and she suggested I take my ‘special gloves’ in case I got chilly.”

The car pulls up in front of the library. “Well, here we are,” he says, reaching back and retrieving the backpack. You can have the car now; I’ll find my way home when we’re done.”

He starts to get out of the car, but stops and says, “Hey, if you are interested, I’m pretty sure Alice said she is short on females. Why don’t you come in and see if you want to be a part of this?”

You and Sophie exchange looks.