A pre-production party at the house

I gather the creative team and the four judges together in my office.

"Let's have a pre-production cast party at the house the night before we actually start," I tell the assembled group. "It will help us with a number of things. First of all, we'll have people mingling in all of the rooms, and it will give our camera and microphone crew a chance to test all of the angles, make sure they know when adjust the lighting, etc. Secondly, it will help the cast get to know each other before we just throw them into a house together for a month. They won't waste as much time with awkward preliminaries and will feel a lot more comfortable getting down to business. It will be a great way to celebrate the kickoff, and say thanks to everyone for all their hard work."

"Finally," I say, glancing at Tess and Sally, "it will test our theory that hidden cameras won't cause anyone to become too self-conscious or freeze up."

They consider my idea, and Virgil is the first to speak. "I'm not opposed to the idea, but I just question how well we're going to test your last proposition. I mean, interacting with party guests is one thing -- having sex is another. How are we going to know about the camera shyness issue?"

Sally answers that for you. "Well, given the guest list and the reason we're all going to be together, don't be surprised if the action starts early. I've been looking at the male contestants, and I already have my eyes on the first one I want to 'get to know better.'" She says this while looking straight in my eyes, and her intent is not lost on me.

"In fact," she says, "I don't think we should limit it to the cast. If we really want to show the Studio's appreciation, I think Jeremy should be there, too ... There's nothing like having a top executive present to set the mood."

I don't know which is weirder -- being referred to as a "top executive" or realizing that Sally is setting me up so she can test her camera shyness out with me.

"I think that's a great idea," says the assistant producer. "We don't want to have too many people there, or we won't get a good sense for how to operate the cameras, but I agree that having Jeremy present would introduce a nice touch."

"A very nice touch," agrees Tess, and she and Sally exchange knowing looks.

"Any thoughts, Kyle?" I ask my friend.

"You kidding? You had me the moment Sally said we could start the sex a day early. I'm totally with you."

"OK, it's settled," I announce. "Let's have the party from 5:30 to 10:00. That will give us eleven hours to evaluate the set-up and the crew before we begin in earnest."

"One thing, though," says Virgil. "Should we judges be there? I mean, if it's a competition, aren't they going to be trying to sway our opinions before it even starts?"

"Damn straight, they better!" says Kyle.

"I see Virgil's point," I interject. "What about this? Let's start recording during the party, and if anyone attempts to influence a judge, we'll have it recorded. These reality competitions always have last-minute twists and turns in the rules and goals. When we get to the point where it's time for the contestants to start to vote each other off, we'll play some of those clips for everyone and see if that influences how they treat each other. It could introduce a real dose of drama."

"Or it could introduce a catfight," says Tess. "You have no idea how women can get."

"A catfight?" asks Kyle. "This just gets better and better! Can we have them settle their differences over mud-wrestling?"

"We're getting ahead of ourselves," I say, cutting off further discussion. "Let's go ahead and start recording at the party. Judges, you can use your own discretion on how to treat any attempts to influence you. We'll decide later whether to use the footage, but at least we'll have it if we need it."

This seems reasonable to everyone, and after a few more minor issues, I adjourn the meeting.

"You're the best friend in the world," says Kyle, for at least the 100th time in the past couple of weeks.

"I'm counting on you," I tell him. "I know you won't let me down."

"We won't let you down, either," says Tess, with Sally at her side. "We've been talking about how much you've done for us. We have a surprise for you."

"That's fantastic," I say, warily. "When do I get it?"

"Soon enough," says Tess. With that, they leave my office. I consider their words for a while and smile before returning to my desk and begin reviewing the proposed script for "Zombie MILF from the Planet Gazonga." The nice thing about porn scripts is that you can read through all the dialogue in just a few minutes. The plot is a little thin, but I look at the proposed cast. Julia Wan as the Zombie MILF -- even done up as a brain-eating undead creature, she would be a huge turn-on. I scribble a few suggestions on the cover, sign my name, and head out the door. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.