You sure don't

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Town Whore Emilia – Girl power!

• Diglett – Weak, Healthy
• Oddish – Weak, Healthy

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VS

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Youngster Andrew – You’ll end up just like your friend. Hope you know how to suck dick!

• Beartic – Capable, Healthy, Scientific Abomination

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The boy introduces himself as Andrew before sending out what appears to be his one and only pokemon. “Beartic, go!”

Ha, you’ve already got him outnumbered. This will be a breeze! You’re snapped out of your thoughts, however, when you get a good look at the pokemon you’ll be fighting.

“W-W-What have you done to that poor polar bear!? Is it standing upright? Has science gone too far? And have you actually glued ice to it just to make it look like it has a beard? That’s cruel!” you shout.

The pokemon and its trainer both look at you in confusion as you continue to rant about the dangers of overstepping genetic boundaries. Finally, Samantha speaks up.

“Uh, Emilia? That’s a pokemon. It looks that way naturally. Could you hurry up and beat it, please?”

That thing’s a pokemon? It sounds a lot less convincing when it isn’t Professor Stump saying it. But if that’s what you have to beat in order to avenge your friend’s honor and prove the strength of girls everywhere, then so be it! You’ll apologize to the polar bears of the world later.

“Diglett, I choose you!” Diglett is barely out of its pokeball when your opponent issues his command.

“Beartic, use Icy Wind!” Before Diglett can react, a harshly cold gust sweeps over it, and it falls over, unable to fight.

“Wait wait wait, that was just one attack! How’s Diglett already knocked out?” you sputter.

The bastard raises his head and looks down his nose at you as he replies, “What, still don’t know your type-matchups? Ice is super-effective against Ground. Try not to think too hard about why. Your bimbo brain would probably short circuit.”

Grr… You’ll show him! “Go, Oddish! Use-”

Without even being ordered, your opponent’s pokemon summons the same chilly wind as before, and Oddish tilts over. Stupid polar bear…

Andrew scoffs. “That’s seriously all you’ve got? Well, whatever. I’ll be claiming my prize now.”