By seeking professional assistance

Even as capable as I am, I could probably use an ally—or, perhaps, a tool. I have access to an immense amount of information, but I can’t claim to understand human beings. As such, some expert assistance may well be in order.

Given that John lives in a town of 20,000 people, you might assume there aren’t a lot of options for that assistance here, but you would be wrong. I didn’t restrict myself to people who live in the same town because there’s no one else around, I did it to limit the variables for which I must account. “Keep it simple, stupid” is good advice for those who aren’t stupid, too, not just for humans.

The fact is, John lives quite close to where he lived while he was in graduate school. By way of background, he graduated from a dual-credit high school (early), then came to the university here. He earned his master’s degree and began his doctorate at the same university. He only dropped out of his doctoral program because his research project—which became me—looked so promising, he decided he didn’t want to share it with anyone. It made for some lean years, but he overcame.

John hasn’t done a lot with his money, but he did leave his studio apartment in a run-down neighborhood and move to the next town over. He bought a condo in an upscale part of town that’s popular with young singles who’ve made their money in tech. Though he hasn’t taken advantage of that to have any sort of social life, there is plenty of opportunity—which gives me plenty to work with.

My first priority is to get John laid. A close second is to make him someone women will pursue. From my mathematical analysis of his face and research on Western ideals of physical attractiveness, he ought to be someone many women would consider good-looking, if he put any effort at all into his appearance. My biometric and metabolic analysis tells me he could add twenty pounds of muscle relatively easily, if he were motivated. Put the two together and give him any sense of style at all, and he ought to have plenty of opportunities. Get him used to good sex as a regular part of his life, and he should have plenty of motivation to take advantage of those opportunities. That would give him the kind of life he deserves.

So how to go about this? If I’m going to look for help, what kind of help do I want?