'I will learn...'

"I'm sorry Mrs Williams," Africa begins after a few seconds. "but if there are going to be firearms in the house I think we all should know how to use them." She states, then turns sideways to meet your eyes. "I will learn how to use some of each class of weapon you have: to quote an old american maxim: 'A people with arms are Citizens, a people without arms are Subjects.' and I became a Naturalized American Citizen, so it's high time I learned to use a weapon." She explains.

"Good, now, on to the next matter of policy." You state, smiling. "If any of you 'smoke' or 'drink' now would be a good time to quit. This is a non-smoking building except inside your own condo and I will not tolerate second hand smoke putting my children at risk. Furthermore, in this household the only accepted use for **** of any kind is as an ingredient in a recipe such as beef stroganov or burgundy pork where the **** cooks off. If you-" At this point Chef Joseph puts up his hand interrupting with an important point of note. "Yes chef?" You ask, curious.

"Actually, unless you are baking or simmering with it and it is mixed into the dish most of the **** is retained when cooking. Even if you bake with it shorter cooking time dishes, ones taking 15 minutes or less, can retain as much as 40% of the **** used." Chef Wolf-Heart explains.

"Interesting, I did not know that." You state, resolving privately to do some research to see if this is true, and if it is cut back on the number of wine based dishes you serve the kids. "As I was saying however: if you chose to 'drink' you will do it outside the house and will not return to the residence while drunk, you will find a motel or other accommodation to sleep it off and shower before coming home. Furthermore you will not keep any **** in the house except for cooking which will be kept in the locked mini fridge in the kitchen, are we clear on this?"

Everyone responds in the affirmative, though Africa gives Miss Chen a look which you can't quite interpret.

"OK, good, last matter which I want to bring up for now, then it will be each of your turns to bring up any rules you wish to have the household adopt." You state, steeling yourself for what you think might be the hardest one for them to accept. "The children are not old enough to have 'the birds and the bees' talk yet, and I want to ensure that we don't need to have it prematurely. Therefore any of you who are currently in a relationship, or wish to become so, you are not to bring any dates back to the house, you will go to their place or rent a hotel room. As we are a mixed company, and I don't know if any of you might be inclined to a culturally non-normative orientation in terms of preference in partners, I also must insist that should any of you find yourselves romantically involved with each other you also get hotel rooms, not conduct such a relationship on the premises. All the children know about sex thus far is the honest answer to 'where do babies come from': which is to say, 'from mommies', and for now that is all they need to know." You state seriously.

You are gladdened to see everyone nodding their heads, all understanding and agreeing with your statement: though Africa looks at you with a strange sort of gleam to her eyes, and you wonder what she is thinking.

"Now, do any of you have other rules you wish to have us adopt as policy for the household?" You ask, looking at each of them in turn.