Chapter 25: A Matter of Time

I was watching a documentary about funeral rites throughout history—ancient Egypt, Viking ship burials, Tibetan sky burials—when Emma shifted on the couch beside me, tucking her legs underneath her.

"That's fascinating," she said softly, her voice carrying that measured, unhurried quality that belonged to her current host. "The way different cultures process death. It's all about honoring the transition, you know? Not fighting it."

I glanced at her. Naomi was thirty, a meditation instructor at the wellness center a few blocks from my gym. I'd met her a few months back at a retreat organized by my firm. She'd been kind, gentle, offered me a free class. I'd never taken her up on it, but I'd remembered her. She lived nearby, was single. I'd been impressed by how calm and collected she seemed.

When Emma had her breakdown in Hawaii, I'd thought of Naomi. Someone grounded, centered. Someone who could help Emma find some peace.

She looked good in Naomi's body. Natural beauty: minimal makeup, her dark hair pulled back in a loose braid, wearing simple linen pants and a soft gray sweater. There was something serene about the way she moved, the way she held herself. Not performative, just… present.

It had been a week since we'd come back from Hawaii. Three days since Emma had switched into Naomi. And so far, she seemed better. Calmer. Happier. More at peace.

That made me happy too.

"You want something to drink?" I asked, standing up.

"Tea would be lovely," she said, smiling up at me.

I headed into the kitchen, putting the kettle on for her and starting the coffee maker for myself. The documentary droned on in the background, something about mummification rituals.

A knock at the door.

I frowned, glancing toward the living room. Emma didn't react, still watching the screen.

I walked to the door and opened it.

Ashley stood there, looking tired but managing a smile. "Hey."

"Ash," I said, surprised but pleased. "Hey. How are you?"

"I'm okay. Can I come in?"

"Of course." I stepped aside. "Are you here to see Emma?"

"Yeah. She told me to come. Said it was important."

I blinked. "Important?"

"That's what she said." Ashley walked in, glancing around. "Is she here?"

"In the living room," I said slowly, closing the door. Emma hadn't mentioned anything to me about inviting Ashley over. Or about having something important to discuss.

Emma appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, her expression awkward. She offered a small smile.

"Hey, Ash."

Ashley paused, her eyes scanning Emma's face, taking a moment to reconcile the woman in front of her with her sister. Then she nodded. "Hey, Em."

Emma's hands clasped in front of her, her posture still calm but her face betraying nervousness. "Thanks for coming. I, um… I have something important to say. I wanted you both here."

My stomach tightened.

"Okay," I said carefully, turning off the stove. The kettle could wait.

Emma looked between us, took a breath, and gestured toward the living room. "Let's sit down."

We sat down in the living room. Ashley took the armchair. Emma and I sat on opposite ends of the couch. The documentary was still playing, but I grabbed the remote and muted it.

The silence stretched. My heart was already pounding, a sick feeling spreading through my chest. I had a bad feeling about this. A really bad feeling.

Ashley looked nervous too, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. Emma sat with that same peaceful posture Naomi carried, but there was anxiety there too, visible in the way she took slow, deliberate breaths.

Finally, Emma spoke.

"When I got lost after the festival," she began, her voice soft and measured, "when I started fading… I felt something."

She paused, searching for words.

"I don't really know how to describe it. Another side? A place? Maybe it's not a place. Maybe it's more like a state." She looked at her hands. "It felt like going back home. I was vanishing, and yet I was feeling more present than ever. Just not here. There." Her voice grew quieter. "It felt right. And on the way to that state, I felt like that was where I was supposed to be. I felt at peace. I was ready for it."

My pulse was racing now. My face felt hot.

"But then you found me," she continued, looking at me. "You fucked me back to reality. And I was relieved. I was happy to be back. But some part of me…" She trailed off. "Some part of me felt like this was wrong."

Ashley looked taken aback but stayed quiet, watching her sister.

I couldn't stay quiet.

"What was I supposed to do?" I said, my voice coming out harsher than I meant. "Let you die again?"

Emma moved closer, reaching for my hand. I let her take it, though my whole body was tense.

"I'm happy you found me," she said gently. "I would have hated for you and Ashley to forever wonder where I was, what happened to me. For me not to be able to say goodbye."

I pulled my hand away. "What do you mean, say goodbye?"

Ashley shifted forward. "Calvin," she said hesitantly. "Let her speak."

"Say goodbye?" I repeated, louder. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"Since coming back," Emma said, still calm, still centered, "it's been feeling wrong. Like I'm not supposed to be here."

"That's bullshit," I said, standing up. "You already came back. You were back for months before that happened. You never felt this way. Why would this be any different?" I gestured at her. "This is the host talking. Naomi. All this spiritual, new age bullshit."

Emma's expression shifted, a flash of indignation crossing her face. "I'm not into new age bullshit," she said, her voice sharper, more defensive.

Then she caught herself, closing her eyes, taking a breath. When she opened them again, the calm had returned.

"I've been feeling this way since before I was in Naomi," she said quietly. "I've been thinking about this, trying to work up the courage to do what I need to do, ever since you brought me back. After I almost vanished."

Ashley's voice was small. "What is it you've been wanting to do?"

Emma took a deep breath. She looked at both of us.

"I want to die," she said. "For good. It feels right."

"No," I said immediately, my voice breaking. "No, Emma—"

"Listen to me," she said, moving closer again, reaching for both my hands this time. "It didn't feel wrong for me to come back. Clearly I came back for a reason. Clearly I came back for you. But I've overstayed my welcome. I wasn't meant to stay here forever." Her eyes were wet now too. "We had wonderful months together. But now it's time for me to go."

"No," I said again, trying to pull away, but she held on tight. Strong. Stern.

"Calvin," she said, her voice firm but peaceful. "Look at me."

I did. Tears were streaming down my face now.

"You've known this," she said softly. "You've felt it. You just didn't want to believe it."

And god help me, she was right.

I had known. Since Hawaii. Since before that, maybe. I'd been fighting against it, refusing to see it, but it had been there all along.

She was slipping away. Not just into the hosts. Away from this world entirely.

And I couldn't stop it.

Ashley was crying now too. Emma started to move toward her, arms opening for a hug, then caught herself, stopping mid-motion.

"I'm sorry," Emma said, her voice thick. "I wish I could have been here for you more. Really been here. I regret not telling you sooner."

Ashley shook her head, wiping her eyes. "It's alright. I understand. You two were figuring things out, and the whole host personality and feelings thing doesn't make it easy." She let out a choked laugh. "I'm just happy I got to see you again. That I got to talk to you. And if you're moving forward… I'm glad there's a forward for you to move to." Her voice broke. "I'll miss you so much."

"What now?" I asked, my voice hollow. "Are you just going to let yourself fade away?"

Emma looked at Ashley. "Yes."

Ashley frowned, confused by the look. "What?"

"I'd like to know," Emma said carefully, "if you'd let me fade… in you."

Ashley blinked. "Why?"

"I came back for Calvin," Emma said. "I wasn't here for you. Not really. And if I'm going to go, I want to do it in a mind that knows me. That loves me." She paused. "It obviously can't be Calvin. So…"

Fresh tears spilled down Ashley's cheeks. She pressed her hand to her mouth, nodding.

"Okay," she whispered. "Okay. I'll do it. Even though it's fucking weird." She laughed tearfully. "God, this is so weird. Knowing my own sister is going to die inside me."

"It's not like that," Emma said gently. "I won't die. I'm already there. Over there. I'll just share myself with you for a little while, and then leave from inside you."

Ashley wiped her face. "Will I remember anything?"

"I don't know," Emma admitted. "I won't be here to manipulate your memories once I'm fully gone. So maybe not. But I haven't gone through the whole process before, so maybe you'll remember something. Feel something."

Ashley took a shaky breath. "So… you'll be me. Or in me. Controlling me. Until you fade. And then what? I'll just be back to myself? Alone?"

Emma nodded. "That's what I feel would happen, yes. Once I'm fully gone, you'll be back."

I stood up abruptly. I couldn't be in that room anymore. Couldn't listen to them plan this.

I walked out the front door, down the steps, and stood on the sidewalk. The afternoon sun was bright, the sky a perfect cloudless blue. Normal. Everything looked so fucking normal.

My legs gave out. I collapsed onto the curb, burying my face in my hands, and sobbed.

I looked up at the sky through my tears. At the houses across the street. At the world that was about to lose her again. My mind couldn't process it. Couldn't accept it. But I felt the inevitability of it like a weight in my chest.

I'd felt it too. That wrongness. That connection between us—the one that made her love me, crave me, no matter whose body she wore—I'd felt it changing. Not something obvious or intense. Something subtle. Like going against the wind. Every time I brought her back, every time we recharged, there was resistance. A gentle push in the wrong direction.

A breeze touched my face, cool and soft.

I cried harder.

The door opened behind me. Footsteps. Then Emma sat down beside me on the curb. Still calm. Still collected. But tears were sliding down her cheeks too.

She put her arm around me, pulling me close.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I wish I never had to leave you in the first place." She took a breath. "I don't know if it was fate, or just a random, fucked-up accident. But we were lucky enough to be given a second chance to spend time together. We can't cry over it. It was beautiful. It was supernatural." Her voice softened. "As far as we know, this might be the first time this has ever happened. Maybe the last."

I snorted, but I didn't pull away. I held her tighter.

"I don't know how I'm going to live without you," I choked out.

She kissed my forehead, then shrugged, smirking even as tears continued to fall. "You'll do what every widower has done in history. You'll grieve. You'll move on. You'll learn to be happy again."

Anger flared in me, sudden and sharp. "I don't want to live without you. Why can't I join you? If there's another side, then why the hell should I stay here?" My voice cracked. "I won't ever be happy without you."

Her expression shifted. Stern now. She grabbed my face, making me look at her.

"Don't you dare," she said, her voice firm. "It would be absurd for you to ruin your life. This other side I felt—I can't say what it is. But I can say for sure that time there is irrelevant." Her eyes bore into mine. "If I can wait there for you, I will. A year, ten years, fifty—it doesn't matter. But moving on? Being happy? That's a choice. That's in your hands." She shook her head. "If you want to spend the rest of your life on Earth being sad and mourning, that's up to you. But it's fucking dumb. And I don't want you to do that." Her voice softened. "I want you happy."

"I don't know how to be happy without you," I sobbed.

She sighed, pulling me close again. "You're being a stubborn idiot. You know how to be happy without me. You were happy plenty of times long before you met me." She stroked my hair. "You just need to learn how to do it again."

I sobbed harder, pulling her against me. I wasn't holding Naomi. I was holding Emma. My wife. I could feel her through the borrowed body, through the calm demeanor, through everything. It was her.

We stayed like that for a long time. Me crying into her shoulder, her holding me steady.

Finally, I pulled back, sighing. I looked her in the eyes. She smiled sadly.

I smiled back, though it hurt. "Will you stay a bit longer? If you really intend to say goodbye, then… say goodbye properly. Before you jump into Ashley and go."

She shook her head gently. "I want to be in Ashley to say goodbye. I want to be as close as I used to be." She touched my face. "My sister is the closest I'll get to being myself. Of course Ashley isn't me. But she knows me better than anyone else. Except maybe you." Her voice softened. "She knew me through all the stages of my life. Loved me. Grieved me. I want to fade away in a mind that knows me."

"What then?" I asked. "You'll jump into Ashley and just… stick around until you fade?"

She shook her head, and her expression grew sadder. "I'll stay for a bit. To say goodbye to you properly. Then I'll have to leave."

I frowned. "Why? Why not fade away here? With me?"

She took a breath. "I can't. If I'm near you as I fade away, I'll get hornier and hornier, until all I can think about is fucking you. And that would bring me back." She looked down. "Even if you refused to let me, I'd just go mad. Spend the rest of my days thinking about your cock instead of gently sliding through."

I cried again, understanding but hating it.

"Can you stay for a week?" I asked desperately.

She shook her head. "Not a week. A day. One day, with you, fully. And then I leave."

I sobbed, pulling her close again. But I accepted it. What choice did I have?

"A day, then," I whispered.