"You're so smart and brave."

“That evil bitch! We have to get back at her!”

“But how?” you say. You and Meg are hanging out in the Old Quad again, watching the day’s sorority shenanigans. “She’s a succubus from the darkest pits of Hell, Meg. You can’t just snap your fingers and make her go away.” This is technically true, in that Meg can’t do it. You, of course, could do it easily, but Meg’s not you.

“There must be a way.” Meg snaps her fingers. “Of course! I know just what we’ve got to do!”

“What, Meg?”

“We have to get back into the sealed section of the Pynchplum Library.” That’s the main Upknott campus library, to which you’ve been referring all this time. “We need access to some of those old books from Arabella Pynchplum’s private collection. I bet that’s what Susan and Amy are using to control us. There must be a spell in there I can use to punish her!”

“But, Meg, the Library’s bound to be under Amy’s magical protection. You won’t be able to just sneak in like you did before.”

“Good point, Sitri. We’ll have to find a way to break the protection spells without anyone noticing. But you’re so smart and brave, even if you’re not really that powerful a demon. I’m sure you can work it out.”

“I’ll do my best,” you say to Meg, ruffling her hair. She cuddles up beside you on the bench where the two of you are sitting, enjoying the aftermath of the latest Delta fraternity prank.

There’s five girls on the Supreme Leadership Council of the Epsilon Nu Phi sorority house. Tiffany, an Elizabeth Banks-esque blonde who you’ve met before. Jessica, a bubbly black girl from Texas with the most adorable Southern accent. Madison, Taiwanese-American, who seems sort of ditzy but is actually a calculating business genius. Kristen, a self-proclaimed Veronica-Mars-style amateur detective who’s always poking her nose in other people’s business. And Victoria, a bitchy brunette who’s the wealthiest girl on campus and wants everyone to know it.

They’re tied in a circle like hippie tree-huggers, facing the gigantic Pynchplum Oak in the centre of the quad. (A lot of things on campus are named after Arabella Pynchplum.) Their wrists and ankles are cuffed together, and there’s no slack for them to scooch down or bend over.

Each girl has a short wooden pole sticking out of her naked ass. Attached to each pole is a blue-and-orange Delta Omega Mu flag, flapping in the breeze.