The Lees

Alan and Susan Lee.

Alan is 28, an engineer and his wife Susan is 26 and works as a real estate agent. And they were referred to you by Gwen Park. That’s the third referral from her in the past six months. Oh, Gwen, you naughty girl. I guess she really does want to qualify for some follow up treatments!

You make your way to the consultation room. It’s a nice, comfy space with lots of warm colors to put clients at ease. You’ve also had a large overhead projector and screen installed for visual aids. The flatscreen TV you were previously using was fine, but you’ve found that clients were more wowed by the projector, probably because most people rarely saw one anymore.

Inside, waiting for you are the Lees. They are seated close together on one of the couches, holding hands. Adorable. You wonder if they are chinks or gooks. Could go either way with “Lees.” And they were referred by Gwen Park, a gook.

You walk over and greet them, extending your hand. They both stand and take turns shaking your hand. You go easy on the Mrs. but squeeze hard with Mr. Lee. He’s clearly taken by surprise and winces slightly at your powerful grip.

They are both reasonably attractive, if plain. The husband is of average height, average build, with black and brown eyes, dressed in jeans and a green polo shirt. He looks like he might have been in pretty good shape, maybe in college or high school but now has a bit of pudge around the belly.

The wife is on the shorter side and also average in build for an Asian woman. Her shoulder length hair is a lighter shade than her husband’s, more of a dark brown than black, and her eyes are also a lighter shade of brown. She’s wearing a pink t-shirt and khaki pants. She’s slightly plump in the face, especially the cheeks but you find it just makes her look a bit cutesy and her skincare routine must be a pretty good one. Hardly a blemish on her face (or just well hidden) and you mark that as a point in the ‘most likely a gook’ column. Those gooks do love their skincare products.

“Now then,” you say, taking a seat on the couch opposite theirs. “I’m glad you both decided to come in and see me. It can be very daunting for a couple to admit they need help with something as intimate and private as conceiving a child.”

The couple nodded.

You pick up the tablet resting on the coffee table and run through your usual checklist which includes making sure the wifi connection with your office network is stable, and doing a quick check of the various hidden camera angles.

“But you’ve taken the first step,” you say in a calm reassuring tone. It’s a tone of voice you’ve rehearsed a million times. “And that means I now have the opportunity to do what I was born to do—which is to help couples in need. Do either of you have any questions before we begin?”

They look at each other, then back at you, shaking their heads in unison.

You nod and continue. “Hopefully you took the time to read through the brochure we sent you. But in case you didn’t, I’ll just quickly summarize. Today will be our initial consultation. I will ask you some questions, and I should warn you up front, some of these questions may be embarrassing to answer, however I assure you they are crucial for determining the most effective course of treatment. As I will likely be repeating at multiple points in our journey forward, you must. Trust. The process.

“After we are done today, and assuming you wish to move forward, I will schedule the first joint treatment session, after which I will assess the situation. We will then move to individual consults. I find this allows for partners to be less self conscious, and in those instances where it’s needed, more honest.”

This gets a strange look from Mr. Lee. You hold up your hand and smile reassuringly. “Again, please, trust the process.”

Mrs. Lee giggles and leans against her husband.

You clear your throat and continue. “As we move forward with the sessions, I will be prescribing medication as needed. There will also be meditative and physical exercises to try. Treatment will be broken down into phases, and typically by the third phase, most couples will have successfully conceived. If not, we will move onto the fourth phase which requires more drastic measures. But we’ll discuss that if needed.”

Again, the couple nods.

“Now, I do have the results from your medical pre-screen exams,” you say as you double check the file on the Lees. “And it does look like your sperm—both in motility, as well as overall quantity—and testosterone levels are both below average, Mr. Lee.”

You try not to smile as you see the embarrassed look on his face. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat and his wife leans her head against his shoulder in a show of support.

You pause to enjoy the moment before going on. “Mrs. Lee on the other hand, appears quite healthy and normal based on these results I have. There are no systemic issues apparent, so most of our efforts will be focused on Mr. Lee.”

Mr. Lee lets out a defeated sigh. “I guess I suspected the problem was on my end,” he says in a quiet voice.

“Now let’s not get any defeatist talk get into our heads,” you say cheerfully. You always enjoy building the husbands up as much as you can, knowing their eventual fall will hurt that much more. “This is a much more common issue than is realized, and it doesn’t make you any less of a man. And furthermore it will not make you any less of a father when the time comes—and believe me, it will.”

Mr. Lee closes his eyes and takes a moment to process this.

“Thank you, Doctor,” Mrs. Lee says.

“Of course.” You tap away at your tablet a few times (mostly for show). Then you turn your attention back to the nervous couple and begin the consultation.

“How long have you been trying to conceive?” You ask.

Mr. Lee answers, “almost two years now.”

You nod. “That’s quite awhile. How many times a week do you have sex?”

They both look slightly surprised by the question. Mrs. Lee is the first to respond. “About three or four times, Doctor.”

“I see.” You pretend to make note of that. “Do you always have intercourse at the same time of day, or have you tried varying it?”

“Usually at night,” Mr. Lee answered. “A few times in the morning.”

You nod once more. “Have you tried having sex multiple times in a day, for example once in the morning, and once at night?”

Mr. Lee turns slightly red. Interesting.

“No, Doctor,” Mrs. Lee answers. “Umm…we find it difficult to do that.”

“Oh?”

Mrs. Lee nods as her husband sits silently.

“And why is that?” you ask. “Is it a matter of scheduling?”

“No, Doctor.” Mrs. Lee looks uncertainly at her husband before turning her gaze back to you. “My husband…”

“Yes?”

“He has difficulty…” She stammers a bit and gets a flustered look on her face.

“Go on,” you urge in the gentlest voice you can muster. “This is important information for any treatment as we go forward.”

She looks to her husband again who says nothing but gives a meek nod. “He sometimes finds it difficult to…umm, be ready more than once in the same day.”

Wow, that is Pathetic! You do your best not to smile or laugh. “I see. While it is true that most men are fully capable of multiple sexual encounters per day, you shouldn’t let this be a source of shame, Mr. Lee.”

“T-thank you Doctor,” he manages. His face has reddened even more and it’s taking all of your discipline to keep a straight face.

You finish out the rest of the consultation and make note of the responses, though it’s really a formality at this point. You already know everything you need to know.